Dallas Morning News: At the Cowboys-Redskins game

[TK]

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dallas/sports/columnists/cmonk/chillin/stories/110303dnspochillin.12927575.html

At the Cowboys-Redskins game

IRVING – Chillin's a man who listens to the masses. Or at least to the dozens…and dozens of Chillin' fans who care enough to send their very best. Fashion sense be damned, Chillin' was told. Khaki out. Fly blue Kangol in.

Hey, no problem. With Chillin', when you ask, you get.

Truth be told, Chillin's one-week switch to the khaki had nothing to do with fashion sense. Rather, with Chillin's directional sense. The fly blue Kangol was elusive for about three weeks until it was discovered behind the crusty, old computer monitor. What else was behind that monitor will remain a Chillin' secret.

Maybe Chillin' can ask Rowdy to clean the skeletons out of that closet next week because he's certainly gonna need a gig.

PRAYERS MAY BE ANSWERED

A few weeks back, the executive order came down for Chillin' to lay off Rowdy.

Well, ain't happening this week. The waste of mascot material was thrown out of Sunday's game for stepping around photographers and over the white out-of-bounds line during the first quarter.

Actually, the waste of space was yelling at an official who, like most Cowboys fans, wanted no part of it. The official had NFL honchos step in and do what has been needed for years: They removed Rowdy.

See, Chillin' Editor. Brief and to-the-point rip.

AND NOW IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE ... ROWDY!

Before Rowdy's ejection, he figured Larry Allen needed a little help while the Pro Bowl guard was on the cart being taken to the locker room. As if a big, goofy hat had turned him into a doctor. (Hey, if a big goofy hat qualifies one for doctor status, Chillin' should be making much better coin.) The cotton cheeseball accompanied the cart to the tunnel, all the while "consoling" Allen.

IF THAT ISN'T ENOUGH

If two acts of "well, I just lost my head, Mr. Jones" isn't enough for the Cowboys to do the right thing by Rowdy, maybe the Irving police can make it a law for Rowdy not to damage the collective hearing of the Metroplex.

While standing on a bridge over 114, a good three Emmitt Smith seasons in a Cardinals uniform away from Texas Stadium (that would be, what, about 800 yards?), Chillin' was almost blown off his perch by a wrestling-like Rowdy entrance on a Harley.

Memo to Harley-Davidson: Don't soil your product.

GIVE THAT MAN A KNIFE

Give Seth Guillotte a knife, a pig and some leeway and brotha will throw you down a Scary Movie-like scene. He'll throw you down one good pulled pork sandwich, too.

Chef Seth, who works for Papa's, carved up a hog he started roasting around 5 Sunday morning. After working on the pig a while, he moved on to the etouffee he learned to whip up when he lived in New Orleans.

Plus, he had on a hat only Chillin' could appreciate.

"I don't know where the hat came from," said Guillotte, knife in both hands. "I just found it in the back of my boss's truck."

NOW THAT'S DEDICATION

Somewhere in San Antonio a paint store is happy and one that sells paint remover is about to be really happy.

Troy Bohne rolled up I-35 from San Antonio on Friday night for Cowboys-Skins. He didn't walk on the bus dressed up, but it didn't take brotha long to get in costume.

"One hour. That's all it takes," Bohne said of his blue and silver get-up. "My wife did it for me. All over. It itches a little, but it's worth it. We've had this planned for months."

SHORT STACK

It was squirt day in the Strong household. Highland Village's Steve and Dee Strong, first-year season ticket holders, had a couple extras tagging along, their squirts Taylor and Brent. Dee had the minis sitting in mini-chairs and drinking mini-Cokes.

Half the sugar rush?

"Are you kidding?" Dee said. "They're drinking those small ones because they've already drank all the big ones."

DIVIDED LOYALTIES

Traci Bellis and her son-in-law Richard Cuellar had their bases — and their aces —covered Sunday. They went with the CowSkins, RedBoys look. Yeah, it didn't make sense to Chillin'. But neither does rolling 10 hours from Corpus Christi with 114 people on two buses to see what was one heckuva snoozer.

"We're all about bringing the peace," said Cuellar. "We're here to promote peace, not hate. That's why we're wearing both colors."

Stop it, Chillin-ites. Dude was not smoking a peace pipe, wasn't wearing Birkenstocks and did actually look like he'd bathed in the last month.

SCALPER ROULETTE

Every week Chillin' rolls to Texas Stadium with Co-Chillin, we plan our little game of Scalper Roulette. What can we get for $30?

The mission statement: We ask for "the worst seat in the house" from anyone who does a little ticket brokering for a living. We don't care that you can "getcha on the 40, man."

Your fake Eminem look does not impress. Your "I Need Tickets" T-shirt doesn't impress. Worst seat in the house and we are paying no more than $30.

So far so good. For Cards-Boys, $20 was shelled for an upper deck looker. Sunday? $26 for lower level.

A couple of hints: Don't go to the bridge, where most scalpers hang (Quick 'un: There is nothing more high humor than watching how fast a ticket brokering man can jump and hang onto the handrail when he sees a Ponch-like motorcycle cop cruise over the bridge.) Hang remotely. Go over by Gate 4 and Gate 3 and watch for people who don't look like they know what they're doing.

People with stacks of tickets can be friends and enemies. These guys know what they're doing. But, by kickoff, they're also hungry and ready to hit the bricks.

CHILL PILLS

While playing Scalper Roulette, Chillin' ran into a 12-year-old learning the family business. "My mom sells tickets, too," Chillin' was informed. The 12-year-old was sporting a nice little Cedric Benson Texas jersey. Hey, someone has to contribute to Cedric's plasma TV fund. ... From the "Cowboys fans are everywhere file": Buses rolled in from Corpus Christi and Belen, N.M., and a host of fans made the roadie from Mexico City. Several from the Del Rio (Texas) Die Hards had suite tickets. ... Game officials asked NFL Films to document Rowdy's antics so the league could remove him after halftime. ... What a hole Texas Stadium is. Noah-like floods coming from the upper decks, about one trash can for every 5,000 fans outside the gates and concourses that would give the health department a heart attack. Because of the mad language skillz, Chillin's chilled a lot in third-world Latin America. Hey, some of the trash buildup there isn't as bad as it can get at Texas Stadium. Get Jerry a new crib and take the nearest cord of dynamite to a legend whose time has passed. ... Should you ever wear a Hulk mask? Especially at a Cowboys game? ... Why do people still puff cancer sticks? All the research out there and people still insist on a nasty habit. And, fellas, is there any bigger turnoff than some slimmy puffing a cig? ... Who buys game programs? Aren't those a little outdated?

CHILLIN'S FIVE RAVES FROM COWBOYS-'SKINS

Redskins luau: Bad day for the pig, but, hey, Chillin’ got a nice face full.

Scalper roulette: Never, ever pay full price.

Chillin': Because the fly blue Kangol is back and all is right with the world.

Texas weather: Yeah, it was hot Sunday, but can you really complain about 85 in November? Especially when it brings God's gift to man, the barely worn halter top.

Cowboys worldwide reach: Fans fly in from all over, man. No other team even close to this kind of dominance.

CHILLIN'S FIVE RANTS FROM COWBOYS-'SKINS

Smoking chicks: Memos to the skirt: Not a bigger turnoff for dudes.

Danny Snyder: Have you ever seen Mini-Me and Little Danny in the same place? Well, just a thought.

NFL: What a boring day from a league that is becoming increasingly hard to watch.

Chillin': You lost a hat behind a computer monitor? Dude, open your lids.

Rowdy: Chillin' Editor: Chillin' just writing the name for practice.