Riggo-toni Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 Q: In a survey of teenage mothers, most of them said they were listening to this when they got pregnant - what is it? A: Paul Lynde: A pack of lies! Q.What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren't? A. Paul Lynde: They give milk... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies. Q. Peter Marshall: According to Amy Vanderbilt, what is the maximum length of time you and your fiancé should be engaged? A. Rose Marie: Engaged in what? Q.Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher recently said, "I am sorry. I am sorry for them both." Whom was he referring to? A. Paul Lynde: His fans. Q.On what night is a woman most likely to be molested? A. Rose Marie: With my luck, it's probably tonight -- and I'm working. Q. Your sheep has a temperature of 102. Is she normal? A. Burt Reynolds: People think I'm not normal because I keep taking her temperature. Q.You're a 71-year-old man who has lost interest in sex. Does your doctor have anything to help you? A. Charley Weaver: No, but his nurse does. Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q. According to "Cosmo," will you probably be helped in overcoming your shyness by choosing an extroverted, outgoing husband? A. Rose Marie: Gosh, Pete, I did that once and his wife caught us. Q. Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds? A. Charley Weaver: A divorcee. Q. True or false, George: experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant. A. George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em. Q. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen? A. Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver. That's why they asked the question. Q.James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it? A. Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming. Q. Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit? A. Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn. Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do? A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark. Q: Do female frogs croak? A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect light? A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice. Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes... Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married? A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"? A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q: What are "Do It," "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"? A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment. Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year? A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy. growing strawberries! Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other? A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures. Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out. Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army! Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it? A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected! Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him. Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A: Charley Weaver: His feet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flashback Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 My personal favorite: Q: You've heard the expression "a pig in a poke." What's a "poke?" A: Paul Lynde - Its when you're not really in love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redman Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 Paul Lynde was frankly a comic genius in that forum: the snappy response. What made him twice as funny was his extremely sarcastic voice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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