Hard Knocks - The Parcells Episode Part I

[Reaganaut]

(Scene - Jerruh Jones' office in the Cowboys Stadium. Bill Parcells is seated at a table with Jerry and there is a decanter on the table with two half full glasses)

Jerry: Bill, we've got discipline problems on this team, I'm hoping that your presence here will clear some of these up. Here, let me pour you a refill.

Bill: (Accepting the refill) Well, I need to be careful not to bust their tails too bad until we get into the pre-season. We should be able to get a lot better performance out of that offensive line.

(Joe Avazanno and Dave Campo knock at the door and Jerry waves them in.)

Dave: Bill! Great to see you again. I know you are going to be able to get this team moving again. (Quick peek at Jerry)

Bill: Hello Dave... Joe. Good to see you guys again too. Jerry, any way we can drop the silver star from the uniforms and lighten up on the blue? I really think we can spruce these things up!

Jerry: Sure Bill, when the Giants put a big star on their helmets, I'll be happy to do whatever you want. Hey, if you take me to a Superbowl again, I'll let you dress them up like the Redskins if you want.

Bill: Naw, I never liked Blue and Orange on the same uniform anyway...

(Hearty laughter, Dave looks slightly puzzled)

Jerry: Well, men... lets get down to serious business. We have to decide what tee time we want, 10:00 or 11:00. Bill, you're in contol now it's your call.

Bill: Well, I'll be sharper at 11:00 after the Brandy wears off, what's your handicap Dave?

Dave: Scratch (sheepishly grinning)

Bill: In that case why don't you sit down and have a few drinks and we'll make it 1:30. (More laughter)

Joe: Sounds like a winner to me... Pass that bottle over here Bill. Hmmmmmm, how come you never break out the good stuff like this for me Jerry?

Jerry: This is a new bottle, you done stole all the other good bottles out of my liquor cabinet already.

Joe: That's cold Jerry. You know I only steal your cuban cigars.

(More laughter and toasting to the new coach)

Jerry: Here's to three more Superbowl rings!

Bill: Wait a second Jerry, I thought I promised you TWO more. That shyster agent of mine screwed me AGAIN! You can take this team and shove it gentlemen!

Joe: Yeah, I'm with Bill on this. Let's all get in Jerry's plane and fly to Vegas. We can get in alot of trouble out there.

Dave: You're a married man Joe, how does she put up with this?

Joe: It's all Jerry's fault. It is always Jerry's fault.

Jerry: See Bill, these guys are having entirely too much fun. I got a bunch of spoiled brats here that need a good a** whupping.

Bill: Now your talking my language. (Laughter again) So Joe, Jerry tells me you think I'm a world class prick.

Joe: (Spits out his drink) Jerry you a**hole! (Hysterical laughter)

Bill: (In hysterics) He also told me the worst thing I could possibly do to you is hire you as Special Teams coach. I'm here to extend the offer right now, are you in?

Joe: You're not serious.

Bill: Damn right I'm serious.

Joe: Bill I'm a real jacka** but these guys respect me. But, you really need you own guy, though, and Jerry needs me in the front office.

Jerry: Dave will be fine with both jobs Joe. Go on, when I fire Bill I'll make you head coach. (Laughter)

Joe: Dave, what do you think?

Dave: Joe, you deserve to keep the job and I'll love every moment watching you get your a** kicked by Bill. (Laughter)

Joe: Aw s**t, pass that bottle back over here and lets' drink on it. Bill, I'm a much bigger prick than you ever dreamed of being. It's time I get as good as I've been giving. (More laughter and toasting.)

Jerry: Joe's just looking for an excuse to get drunk. Now that we've got this figured out, who's gonna drive to the golf course.

Bill: I hired Randy Moss as my driver, we're in great shape!

Joe: I woulda run that b**ch over in Minnesota if it were me.

[Riggo-toni]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :lol: