Redskins Conspiracy Theories...

[Spaceman Spiff]

After reading the Farrakhan thread and seeing the direction it took, I thought I'd tell you some of my own Redskins conspiracy theories...

1. The Redskins never beat the Bills in the superbowl. In fact, it was a ploy set up by NFL films. The REAL Redskin team that year actually went 2-14. But no one knows this due to the fact that NFL Films has a widespread matrix-like football reality hiding us from the truth, the depths of which we will never know. This is how we wound up with the 4th pick in the draft and selecting Desmond Howard.

2. Doug Williams wasn't black. (Just for you, Sith )

3. Since Doug Williams wasn't black, this makes Joe Namath the first black quarterback to win a Superbowl.

4. Patrick Ramsey is still feeling the effects of playing the Scarecrow in an elementary school rendition of The Wizard of Oz. Hence the song, "If I only had a brain," which he mutters to himself after he throws interceptions. Also, it explains his presence in the pocket.

5. The Broncos threw the Superbowl. John Elway was just laying down so he could end his career on a memorable note. They let us have that one.

6. Norv Turner gave Terry Allen had a Wolverine like skeleton which allowed him to overcome bad knees and play well for the time that he was here as a Redskin.

7. Dexter Manley is tight with the Dali Lama.

8. The Refs really aren't against us.

9. Peter Queen, Pastabelly and Dr. Z don't exist. They're just one 43 year old Cowboy fan living in his mothers basement with his two cats banging out anti-Redskins propoganda on a mid 80's Apple IIe.

10. Dan Snyders constant roster and coaching changes are a psychological experiement on the collective fanbase. The theory is if an owner brings in enough over the hill veterans, changes coaches enough and keeps losing, an entire group of peoples heads will explode. This also explains the additional port-a-johns that were added to the Fed Ex tailgate area. Less cleanup of brain matter.

11. No matter how good our defense is, it'll never be highly ranked on Madden. Never ever.

Thats all I have. Anyone else have any Redskins Conspiracy theories?