Blondie Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 The Barber A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber, who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Do me a favor man, follow that guy and see where he goes." A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says.... "Your house." :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Blondie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redman Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 Well if they looked at my billing, they'd think they have all the time in the world! :paranoid: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedskinsFanInTX Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old-timer? Never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a pea****. I was just wondering if you were my son." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinamatic Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung." I took a drink from my can of Budweiser, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban Sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am, that's why she cuts the grass." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie Posted April 24, 2004 Author Share Posted April 24, 2004 In keeping with the above theme: A horse and a chicken grew up together on the farm, and they were the best of friends. They went everywhere together. One day the horse waded into the pond to get a drink, and he realized that his feet were stuck in the mud and that he was sinking. He yelled for the chicken and said, "I'm stuck in the mud and sinking, go get help, go get the farmer!" The chicken ran to the house and, realizing the farmer wasn't home, grabbed the car keys, flapped to the garage, backed out the BMW, drove down by the barn, got a length of rope, sped back to the pond, tied the rope to the bumper of the car, threw the other end to the horse, and pulled the horse out of the water. A couple of weeks later the chicken stepped into a mud puddle in the farm yard and realized that her feet were stuck and that she was sinking. She hollered for the horse, "Go get the car!" The horse said, "I don't need the car." He stepped over the mud puddle, straddled it with one foot on each edge, and said, "grab my pecker and pull yourself out." The moral of this story is: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks. Blondie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Williams Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Williams Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 Two rednecks walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about the current price of chewing tobacco. Suddenly a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the rednecks looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head. The redneck walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the redneck walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer. His redneck friend says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick maneuver, but I ain't never seen nobody do it before." ______________________________________________ Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor. "Do you wash?" the doctor asked the smelly young girl. "Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and I wash up as far as possible." "Well," the doctor concluded, "Go home and wash 'possible'!!!" _________________________________________________ Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder. _______________________________________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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