More Blond Jokes

[fuji869]

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

***************

Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that 1 out of every 4 children born in the world was Chinese.

*************************

Bambi (a blonde) goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. She checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but as usual, the store assistant comes along and closes the deal.

On her way home, Bambi puts on her new x-ray glasses and, bingo! She sees everyone in the street naked. She takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on...everyone is naked! "Cool!"

As she arrives back home, she is eager to show her new toy to her husband, but can't find him. She goes up to the bedroom and finds her husband and the young woman from next door naked in bed. She takes the glasses off, and the two are still naked. She put them back on, and they are still naked.

Bambi then says: "Darn, I just paid fifty bucks for these and they're already broken!"

*****************

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I

thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not

shooting myself in the chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

*****************

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?

There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

*****************

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

****************

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.

The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

****************

A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver

thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps things hot and some things cold."

"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it !"

So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that,' he asked?

"Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

Her boss inquired, What do you have in it?"

The blond replied, "Two popsicles, and some coffee"