Redneck mail

[stratoman]

Dear Billy Joe Bob,

>

> I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read

> fast. We don't live where we did when you left home.

> Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents

> happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. I

> won't be able to send you the address because the last

> family that lived here took the house numbers when

> they moved so they wouldn't have to change their

> address.

>

> This place is really nice. I even has a washing

> machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last

> week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain,

> we haven't seen it since.

>

> The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last

> week; the first time for three days and the second

> time for four days.

>

> About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle

> Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail

> with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them

> in the pockets.

>

> Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were

> really worried because it took him two hours to get me

> and your father out.

>

> Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't

> found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an

> aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

>

> Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week.

> Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off

> and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three

> days.

>

> Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup

> truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window

> and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the

> back, they drowned because they couldn't get the

> tailgate down.

>

> Your Favorite Aunt/sister/cousin, Thelmalou

>

>

[gridironmike]

You forgot to mention the two-story mobile home (fer folks that gots money).

[Symbol]

That's not funny man, my mother/sister/cousin/aunt/brother was a redneck.