CPDN - Topic: Declaration of Independence from Haynesworth (humor I think)

[HapHaszard]

http://httr.cpnd.us/index.cgi?action=display&board=addiction&thread=2807&page=1#49826

IN ASHBURN, December 7, 2010.

The unanimous Declaration of the Washington Redskins,

When in the Course of football events, it becomes necessary for one coaching staff to dissolve the professional bands which have connected them with a player, and to assume among the teams of the league, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of the National Football League and of Nature's Commissioner entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of fankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all teams are created equal, that they are endowed by their Commissioner with certain unalienable Plays, that among these are 40-gut, [the Statue of] Liberty and the pursuit of the Football.--That to secure these plays, Players are instituted among Teams, deriving their just scores from the efforts of the franchises,--That whenever any Player of Football becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Coaches to alter or to abolish him, and to institute new Player, laying his foundation on such principles and organizing his powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Scoreboard and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Players long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that coachkind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the players to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Insubordination, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such a Player, and to provide new Guards [and Tackles] for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Coaches; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Player of Football. The history of the present King of Defensive Linemen is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over this Team. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has repeatedly refused to cooperate with our coaching staff in a variety of ways over an extended period of time.

He has consistently indicated to our defensive coaches that he refuses to play in our base defense or on first-down or second-down nickel situations.

He has refused to follow the instructions of our coaches both during weekly practices and during actual games as well.

He has told the General Manager that he would no longer speak with the Head Coach.

He has often played patty-cake with opposing offensive linemen.

He has refused to go all-out on every play.

He has lain on the ground while effort might have produced positive results for his Team.

He has failed to report to practice on time.

He has resisted entreaties to appear in off-season organized team activities.

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