"Winslow shows his Evel side with stupid cycle stunt"

[Dead Money]

I'm not piling on the kid, just though it was interesting that Evel Knievel commented on his situation...

Winslow shows his Evel side with stupid cycle stunt

Published May 5, 2005

When it comes to risking disaster, one phrase fits all.

Until now.

"I read about it in the paper," The Phrase said. "It's staggering, really."

The words came from Evel Knievel. They concerned Kellen Winslow Jr., who is in a Cleveland hospital with his career in a sling.

Actually, it's hard to tell exactly what's in a sling. Nobody is saying how damaged Winslow's body is. What's beyond dispute is that his reputation has crashed.

The Browns' tight end wrecked a motorcycle Sunday night. The mere fact Winslow was even on one makes you want to strangle some sense into him. Unless you are his agent, in which case you are too busy dissecting his contract to find out how much money the kid may have blown.

For all we know, Winslow may have totaled his entire football future. All because he was trying to be like Evel Knievel.

There it was, the phrase that launched 10 million mishaps. Knievel's motorcycle stunts gave him a unique place in the English language. He is the human metaphor, and not just when it comes to daredevil stuff.

A Washington Post obituary said an overprotective mother made other moms feel "like the Evel Knievels of parenthood." On a Fox News show about Social Security reform, senior citizens were looking "like Evel Knievel jumping into a void."

A food critic in Reno wrote, "Eggplant falls short, like Evel Knievel attempting to jump the Snake River with that silly jet car."

Parenting. Economics. Eggplant? Whatever the topic, "Like Evel Knievel" is the go-to reference for foolish risk.

Maybe we should change it to "Like Kellen Winslow Jr." Knievel was a risk-taker, but not a fool. Flying over cars, buses and fountains was his profession, and he did very well at it.

OK, maybe that was a tad foolish. But Knievel was at least smart enough not to endanger his livelihood by playing tackle football before the Snake River Canyon jump.

Thirty-one years later, Winslow bought himself a Suzuki GSX-R75. Why anyone needs a motorcycle that can go 172 mph is beyond me, especially when they still need training wheels to ride.

Winslow was trying to learn in an empty parking lot. But he lost control at 35 mph, hit a curb and flew over the handlebars. His helmet, which wasn't fastened, flew off. Hadn't he ever heard of Jay Williams, the Chicago Bulls rookie who ruined his career acting like Evel Knievel two years ago?

"I feel sorry for these players," The Phrase said. "They're finding out how hard that asphalt is. It hurts a lot more than being tackled by an entire team."

It's pointless to scold Winslow now, but geez, does he have eggplant for brains? Riding a motorcycle may have violated his $40 million contract. He was just coming back from a leg injury that ruined his rookie season.

When the Browns drafted him, they thought they had the best tight end since Kellen Winslow Sr. The father said his son could be even better, and Jr. obviously believed it.

He nicknamed himself "The Chosen One." He was famous at Miami for two things -- being ****y, and being able to back it up. He shaved his arms and chest to accentuate his chiseled body.

You never mind seeing a guy like that taken down a peg or two. But not like this.

"I give him my condolences," Knievel said. "That's all I can say."

And all anyone can do is hope Winslow Jr. has learned his lesson and hasn't crashed for good. When it comes to doing really stupid things, one human metaphor is enough.

David Whitley can be reached at dwhitley@orlandosentinel.com.

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