Humor: The Adventures of Darkneirian and the Three Bustketeers

[Reaganaut]

The (Mis)Adventures of Darkneirian and the Three Bustketeers

"Bustketeers! Fall for fun and none for all!"

Act One: The Bustketeers Think Coach Zorro Runs the Wildcat Offense

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Darkneirian - "Porthos, I meant to ask why do you keep trying to leap frog over defenders on every play you make?"

Porthos - "Well, Darkneirian, you told us all to watch film of that New York Giants Reveiver Cunningham. I got a bunch of YouTube videos which show him jumping in the air on runs to save his knees and stuff..."

Darkneirian - "I told you three to watch videos of receiver Mario MANNINGHAM, not quarterback Randall CUNNINGHAM you FOOLS! Can't you get anything right?"

Aramis - "Oh, so THAT'S why he took snaps from the center, I thought they were like running the Wildcat or something..."

Darkneirian - "The Wildcat??????... (face in hands) The Redskins DO NOT run the Wildcat offense. They run the West Coast Offense... or in YOUR case the West Toast Offense"

Athos - "Oh, so that's why coach Zorro was so mad at us last week talkin' like we use the Wildcat! Hey can somebody pass me the Gatorade?"

Darknerian - "Look Porthos, will you just stop jumping in the air at the end of every play? You are going to keep fumbling the ball when the safety obliterates you."

Porthos - "Naw, I kinda like doing it now. It's fun like I'm a human bowling ball or something. BOOM... Strike!"

Darkneirian - (Face down in hands)

Aramis - "So Darknerian, why exactly is it that you are hanging with us? Didn't you go off the Redskins with Steve Spurrier?

Darkneirian - "Yes, but even though I stunk as bad as you three, I kept one secret weapon... fair maiden Vivica Fox's undergarments."

Porthos - "Oh yeah... can you show us how to hook up with a FINE lady like that?"

Darknerian - "You will just get your hearts broken like I did Aramis. Better to collect a fat Redskins paycheck and focus on painting abstract art than suffer the lost love of a beautiful maiden."

Aramis - "Boooooo. I want a fair maiden too. Cooley gets all the cheerleaders, that's what I wanna do."

Darkneirian - (Shaking head) "Why do I bother... why do I even bother? Ghost of Coach Spurrier, hear my plea... release me from the bind that holdeth me!... I cannot help these fools..."

Ghost of Coach Spurrier - "Darkneirian, remember football is a game of pitch and catch. Until they learn this, they will never be able to date Vivica Fox!"

Darkneirian - "Coach, the name is Darneirian, not DARK-neirian... and Vivica Fox DUMPED me after she saw how bad the Redskins sucked my beloved Ballcoach."

Ghost of Spurrier- "Yeah, like I said... Darkneirian... this is a game of pitch and catch... HEY, what's that noise?"

Ghost of Pepper Rodgers - (Booming) "I can't take this anymore... football is a game of...(Louder Booming)"

Ghost of Marty Shottenheimer - "ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HECK UP! I drafted you Darneirian, now quit listening to this so called Ballcoach. If everyone just listened to me all the players would have been able to date Viviva Fox!"

(Loud noise: The Gates of Hades are now opening up... releasing the ghosts of all the horrible Redskins players and coaches since Joe Gibbs left...)

End of Act One