Why Your Team Sucks: Buffalo Bills (Drew Magary at Deadspin)

[James Moss]

This is both funny and sad. This writer's work demands no interpretation. You really feel bad for the Buffalo Bills fans.

Warning: plenty of profanity will be filtered.

Why Your Team Sucks: Buffalo Bills

By Drew Magary, 11:52 AM on Thu Sep 3 2009 - LINK

1. The K-Gun is back! Wait, who's the QB? ****. I'm totally jazzed that the Bills have decided to bring back the nonstop no huddle offense. Because if you're going to go three-and-out, why waste time? Seriously though, the Bills had one of the most exciting offenses in league history during the early 1990's, Super Bowl losses aside. I remember when the K-Gun was first introduced, and you could see some of the defenses reacting like, "Whoa, wait a second. They're not huddling! They're not letting us rest! That should be, like, illegal and ****!" It was a blast to watch, and it always saddened me that so few other teams have had the stones to do it since. Running the K-Gun means entrusting all play-calling duties to your QB, and no head coach outside of Indy could ever possibly allow that. No, no. We'd hate to macromanage a team like that.

So the K-Gun is back this year in Buffalo, and that SOUNDS like a promising development. Until you see that the guy pulling the trigger is an average-in-every-way player destined to become a journeyman, bouncing from team to team like so many Chris Millers. While head coaches are wrong to not sometimes hand the fate of their offense over to the QB, they're justified in NOT handing it over to someone like Trent Edwards, who has all the authority of a ferris wheel operator. AND the team traded their left tackle in the offseason. So you're trying to duplicate the glory of the team's 1990's offense with a shaky o-line and an average QB. This can't end well. Against the Packers last week, the first team offense (minus TO) turned the ball over four times in the first half and gained 87 total yards. Not a single drive went longer than six plays. Edwards' passer rating for the game was 34.3. I AM USING STATS TO MAKE A PRESCIENT OBSERVATION. By October, they'll be huddling once more, reverting back to the faceless, utterly bland Bills teams of the 2000's to which you've become so accustomed.

2. Offense aside, those 1990's teams were really ****ing annoying. Let's face it, by that second Super Bowl loss to Washington, I think we had all had just about enough of the Bills dominating the AFC. That team, at the time, had an unusual habit of pulling every important AFC game of their asses, right before heading to the Super Bowl and ****ting the bed.

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