“Affirmative Action in College”

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From www.laststory.com

“Affirmative Action in College”

Editor’s note: Print out a copy of this letter and mail it to every college or university in your hometown. And let us know the results here at www.LastStory.com. Seriously… if one’s race, creed, or ethnic identity is a tangible component of the college application process, then wouldn’t you want to know which affiliation is most desirable?

Dear Sir or Madam:

Would I be more likely to be admitted to your prestigious University if I were:

A) African American

Native American

C) Caucasian

D) Asian

E) Middle Eastern

F) Hispanic

G) Latino

You see, I’m a white-looking guy from South Africa, so that would qualify me as an African American, right? Actually, since the Homo Sapiens species originated from central Africa (according to PBS) wouldn’t all Americans be African Americans?

However, before my dad (Abdul) moved to South Africa (he inherited a diamond mine), he was born in Egypt. Egypt is in Africa. Am I African or Middle Eastern? Most political pundits seem to include Egypt in the Middle East. Since Asia is generally considered the East, as a Middle Eastern, am I also Asian?

My mother (Maria) was born in Mexico. But what’s the difference between a Mexican, a Hispanic, and a Native American? How are they different? Is a Mexican just a Hispanic Native American who happens to be born south of a border established by white people? Are there any non-Hispanic Native Americans? And does the word “American” in Native American apply to the continent (of North America), or the country (The United States of America)?

My grandfather (Enrique) is Italian. Does this make me Latino? As I’m sure you are aware, the word “Latino” is a derivative of the word “Latin”—the original language of the Italian people. I know some people call Ricky Martin a Latino Heartthrob… but if you think about it, wouldn’t it be more appropriate to call a man of Italian heritage a Latino, as opposed to a Puerto Rican?

I’m also an albino. Does this make me a Caucasian? Are Caucasians people whose parents are Caucasian, or people who look white? Do both parents have to be Caucasian, or would only one suffice? What’s more important—how I look or my parent’s ethnic lineage?

I am having a lot of difficulty filling out the “race” section on my college application, and I desperately hope to attend your University. Everything being equal, I’d rather fill it out in the way that (most greatly) enhances my likelihood of being admitted.

Which way should I go? What are your suggestions?

Sincerely,

A Confused Young Man