Crash1340 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 for about the past two months my wife has been telling our relationship feels more like a roommate situation then that of marriage. I though what she was telling me was that we needed more time together without our daughter(23months old). The past two months my wife who had not been drnking alcohol has gone out to the bar with friends and has come home well after 2am completely blitzed. On every occasions she had woken up and told me we feel like roommates. I suggested that we go to marriage counseling. We went for the first time three weeks ago. The counselor stated that she only wanted to work with my wife and not on the marriage. Thursday night my wife came home and stated that she felt she needed to move out. She said it has nothing to do with us or me but that it is just her and she has things she needs to work out. I think she is going to move out and then file for divroce. I am scared, angry, ashamed, disappionted, sad, and crying. (there is no crying in baseball but there is in football). I do not expect people to reply to this post especially since I am not a regular contributor but I needed to get this out no one knows yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoCalMike Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 This sucks, especially since you have a child, and that child is so young. Was there anything wrong in your relationship prior to this to spark her sudden "partying" I mean she does understand that ruining an established home is the worse thing for your child, correct? I am highly suspicious of her actions, only because it seems that she is not thinking of your, or your child's interests and this sudden idea of seperation suddenly came about after going out and partying. A little more background about the situation would help... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarge Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 A little more about her personality might help. Did you plan to have a child? How old are you all? How long have you been married? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani2 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 There is something going on your wife isn't telling you man. It doesn't sound good either. That's why the counselor only wants to counsel her. I don't want make matters worse but maybe the counselor feels your marriage can't be saved after talking to your wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crash1340 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 I am 31 and she just turned 30. We have been married since 7-25-97. To the best of my knowledge we have not been having problems in the past. She told me she had been feeling empty inside for at least the past four months. We moved back to Wichita, KS from a small town out in the country about nine months ago. We had been living there for about six years. We had planned on having a child but I was always "not ready" when she did get pregnant my whole world changed. My daughter is now my life. I think my wife knows what she is doing in terms of hurting the family she is a licensed psychologist. She tells me that the problems are hers and that none of this has anything to do with us. She said that she feels empty inside. She told me she was unable to remain in our home because she could not work on "herself" if I am around. I do not know if something sparked this change in her, but she has made it clear she is no longer in love with me. The only reason I know why people suddenly stop loving each other is when they find someone new. She swears up and own there isn't someone but I don't think she would tell me anyway since she is technically still in the house (she moved into the spareroom last night). The other idea is that this stems from her diagnosed depression. I asked her last night if we were going to make it through this and if she wanted our mairrage to work. She just nodded her head yes but she did not say a word. Thanks everyone I need all the friends I can find right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCS Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 No qualified to give you advice, from the sounds of things somebody who is could or should be. Could be the depression is a contributor hard to say. Will say good luck to you and yours during this time. Life tests us times. Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeorama Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Good luck man, I hope things work out for you and your child. Lots of thoughts and prayers coming at you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbear Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Good luck. That's rough. The only thing I would point out is that "not loving somebody anymore" doesn't just come from finding somebody else. Trauma and depression are also things that cuase this in my experience. I'm just putting that out there for you before you go nuts beating your head about "somebody else." It's hard to love someone else when you're not emotionally present, and there are all kinds of reasons for that state of mind. Like I said, good luck, and let the Skins community here know if there is anything we can do to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani2 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Sounds like a possible midlife crisis and/or maybe postpartum depression? Maybe having the baby has overwhelmed her and she feels like she is not in control in her life and feels trapped. That might be the reason for the parting and drinking. If that is the case the best thing for her to do it cont the therapy and hopefully she will overcome this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pez Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 It usually has a reverse effect, but I wonder since this started 4 months ago, if it is related to her giving childbirth.... Sounds really bad, but the 2 things happened at the same time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crash1340 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by pez It usually has a reverse effect, but I wonder since this started 4 months ago, if it is related to her giving childbirth.... Sounds really bad, but the 2 things happened at the same time... but our daughter is almost two years old. Mid life crisis, depression, some one else or any combination is all a possibility. she is planning on moving out of the house in the next few weeks. I am just trying to say if it is meant to be then she will come home eventually and if not then at least I can support what ever she needs to do for the sake of our daughter and because I am still in love with her. I want so desparately to be angry at her but she has not done anything for me to be mad about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huly Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Has anything changed in your relationship? Do you not talk as much or spend as much time with each other? Something has had to set in to make her feel that way. I would also ask the counselor why they do not want you there in the sessions. I know they sometimes do seperate session with each person but then they pull the couple back together. I hope for you and your daughter it works out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsNut73 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Crash - Just want you to know I'll be praying for you brother. Even though you consider yourself a "newbie" you'll still find support from the members here...after all, you are a Skins fan and we stick together (unlike those Eagle and Cowboy fans ) Stay strong for your child. Check in and let us know how you are doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggo-toni Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Has she gone off her medication? Or changed her prescription? Could the need for booze might suggest a chemical imbalance? My wife and I are more like roommates than a married couple, but we've just learned to accept that. Lowering expectations can go a long way in saving a marriage, but I guess some people can't do that. I hope you guys work it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlitzFiftySix Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Sounds exactly like what my ex wife and I went through. I smell a rat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crash1340 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by Riggo-toni Has she gone off her medication? Or changed her prescription? Could the need for booze might suggest a chemical imbalance? My wife and I are more like roommates than a married couple, but we've just learned to accept that. Lowering expectations can go a long way in saving a marriage, but I guess some people can't do that. I hope you guys work it out. I told her with our work schedules and having a 2 yr old that we should schedule if need more time alone. shed just said she feels empty inside and I need to have high expectations from a marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huly Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Do you rarely see each other? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crash1340 Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by Huly Do you rarely see each other? yes and no. we live in the same house but I leave for work before she is out of bed and she does not come home until 6:30 7pm. few hours before it is time for bed. weekends are usually house work, daughter, maybe a movie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dfitzo53 Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 At 20 I'd be lying if I said I had any relevant life experience, but I wish you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huly Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 I would ask the counselor why you are not includedin the sessions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by Huly I would ask the counselor why you are not includedin the sessions. This is standard proceedure in marriage counseling. Work with one and the other, then both. Her meds and alcohol do NOT mix. I am a liscensed psychologist. You need to continue to see a couselor.......if not the one she is seeing.......then one for you. Blondie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hokie4redskins Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Damn, sorry man. Hope it works out. I'm sure it will. This is why I'm so reluctant to commit and settle down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomerics Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Good advice Blondie. . . I am going through a similar thing right now with my "wife" although we are not married. THere are no children involved, but we own a house together. We have been living together for 12 years and going out for 13. We have both grown apart over the years and there is no longer the attraction to one another. She goes out with her friends once a week, and she stays out late and comes home smashed. I have just learned to deal with it, and I often use this forum to vent on other issues. I have grandiose plans for our future and she is content with the status quo. It's fine for now, but the time is coming up very soon when she will have to sh!t or get off the pot for lack of a better cliche. As for advice, I would say give her the space she needs. Be there for her in terms of emotional needs, but do not let yourself become a whipping post. You need to stand firm, and strong onyour convictions, espcially for your daughtor right now. Do not cry in front of your daughtor, and make sure you comfort her. Make her understand she was NOT the reason she moved out. She is the main concern for you, make sure she NEVER gets in the way of your problems with your wife. She is seeing a therapist which is good, and it sounds like she is dealing with the fact of reality. Maybe she was not ready to handle the personal responsibility of being a parent and she is struggling to accept the fact that she is no longer your #1. People do grow apart, but it is up to each other to make sure to keep the romance alive. I have neglected this in my relationship, but I am trying to right the wrongs from previous mistakes. It may not be too late for you either, but giving her the space to figure out what she wants in life is a step in the right direction. I would also suggest you talk to a therapist as well, so you can work on some of your emotions and feelings. This happens a LOT in society today, and you are not alone by any stretch of the immagination. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redman Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Sorry that this is going on, Crash. Question: if she moves out, who does your daughter live with? I would talk to that counselor about this situation. If they're doing their job right, they won't disclose to you what goes on in your wife's private sessions, but since you began with the counselor as a couple, you have every right to reapproach him/her. I think all you can do right now is be patient and supportive with your wife, and tell her that you haven't given up on your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just skins baby Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 I really don't have anything different to add but just best wishes and prayers for you and your family. I think we all have our highs and lows and when we can work together on them things can turn out ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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