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OT: Adoption


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My wife and I have been kicking around adoption for several years now and we have decided that we are definitely going that route. Problem is we are having some difficulty finding an agency we are comfortable with. Either the agency is too expensive, or they do not work with couples living in MD, or the restrictions require both prospective parents to be 30 or older, or whatever. Its starting to get discouraging. If any of you have inforomation on a quality agency we would apprecaite the help. We are most interested in adoption from China--the prospects for infant girls there are horrible--but we are open other options.

Thanks guys.

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We would probably have to go oversees for every place except for Korea, but that isn't a problem. The problem is that many Eastern European countries are attaching about $15,000 to the already high cost of adoption to make a little cash. We just can't afford to help ballance their nation's budget.

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Mardi, are you serious? If so, that is absolutely awesome. I know it's kind of a round about approach, but if you want, I'll ask my girlfriend (nurse in a pieds unit) to ask her best friend (social worker). Between the two of them, they may have some information for you.

My girlfreind and I have been talking about kids when we get married and one of her life long dreams in to be a foster parent for medically fragile kids. We're both in agreement that we will probably becomde foster parent when we get married. In any event, I know she has done some looking into adoptions and foster parenting, so she may already know the info.

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Mardi,

My wife and I have been foster parents for a long time, both in northern Virginia and in PA, and we adopted our son through a foster care agency.

If you're looking for an infant with no or few issues, then the overseas adoption might be the best way to go.

But if there's a chance that you and your wife might be interested in helping some kids here who truly need a loving family to help stabilize their lives, and with the potential for adoption, then you may want to give foster parenting a shot.

It's not an easy choice, and the road gets real bumpy sometimes, but you and your wife may be able to offer the only 'normal' childhood experience that some of these kids might ever have.

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mardi......i'm a proud adoptive parent (3 years now). some suggestions:

1) have parents/in-laws keep an open ear. you'ld be amazed how many off the wall opportunities come about.

2) stay plugged in to the local church

3) go thru agencies, but be careful - there are a lot of ripoffs.

4) call the chinese consulate in DC. fyi there are also children available in Korea

5) start saving dinero now cuz one child may run you upwards of $15k to $20k

6) decide how flexible you are prepared to be vis race/culture, etc. opportunities will pop up and you will have to make fast decisions

7) contact a licensed adoption agency in your state. you will have to have a home study perfomed.

8) make up your mind now whether you want a new born (i.e., set an age limit). the older the child, the more entrenched emotional/physical problems can be

9) prepare for an emotional roller coaster until the child is in your arms and on the way home.

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What is the concept of having to 'pay' to adopt a child, especially an ungodly amount like that ?

If a person is willing to accept the huge emotional and financial and physical challenge of raising a child, especially one with disabilities, isn't that heroic enough ? Why should they have to pay 15-20K ?

On top of the 'heroic effort', arent they also doing the agencies a favor, by relieving them of the responsibility of the child ?

Also, what about the ethical issues of 'selling children' ?

I just don't get it.

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mick....like most things in life there are many intermediaries who perform services for which they are compensated:

- agencies who find children need funds to operate

- agencies often support birth moms thru their pregnancy: prospective parents land up shouldering these costs (food, medical, housing, etc)

- lawyers get paid for the paperwork

- soical workers get paid for home studies

- travel costs if you go overseas

then, as alluded to earlier, foreign gov'ts often earn foreign exchange by adding taxes, requiring purchases of medical supplies (e.g., russia). foreign orphanages may chargeto cover their costs.

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Thanks guys, and yeah, gbear, any help will be appreciated, especially since you live in MD. Thanks for the info fansince62.

As for the nobility of it...we really just want to have a child. We've been trying for a while now with no success. As a matter of fact, we are embarassingly selfish about this first adopted child. My wife is adamant on a closed adoption process so that we do not know the mother or father. We want to have an infant so we can experience as much of the parenting as possible. If we get to choose, we want a healthy baby. Race is about the only criteria that we don't care about.

And Mick, many of those costs are covered by the "Hope for Children's Act." The first $10,000 of expenses is covered by the government post adoption. That is a huge relief, but we still have to have the money up front. We can take out a loan, but we need to keep the overall cost below $20,000. Doable except where the local governments are placing huge state fees on adoptions. See Russia.

btw. We have framed a picture of an adopted child we found in a magazine. We're going to keep it on the TV until we replace it with the picture of our own kid. It will probably take about a year from the time we chose an agency.

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Good luck to you and you're wife MGS. As a lucky father of two healthy beautiful little girls and maybe adopting a third child that my sister in law is having a hard time deciding if she wants to keep or not I can tell you that I can appreciate some of the sediments that you have expressed in this thread.

I think you have made my desicion a little easier. Me and my wife talked a little about adopting the baby last night, and after reading this she may have been right in calling me a bit selfish. I guess life shouldn't always be calculated by what you can afford or not.

Again, Good luck

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Sorry Mardi,

I talked with my girlfriend, and she doesn't know of any agencies for healthy kids off the top of her head. Working at the hospital, she deals mostly with the adoptions of sick children. Unfortunately her firend, the social worker, is out of town for 2 weeks. We'll ask her when she get back though.

Good luck.

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My sister was adopted, not from overseas though. My cousin adopted a kid from Ukraine. My friend has 2 adopted sister from Brazil.

Its good to hear you are considering this option. I dont have any advice on agencies but I do on raising the kid. Find out as much as possible about the childs background-physically and emotionally. My sister and I are picture perfect reasons showing that nature vs nurture comes out with nurture on top. My sister and I are totally different yet we had the same upbringing. She found her birth parents and found out she had 2 sisters and brothers. The 2 sisters have had the same health problems and same emotional problems. It was scarry when we realized the similarities.

This isnt meant to scare you off its more to tell you that you should try to be aware of any potential problems so that you can be ready to deal with them. Had my mom knew the background of my sisters parents she might have been able to understand and help my sister more.

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Thanks for the input and thought guys. After long hours on the internet and the telephone, it looks like it has come down to Korea. In the state of MD, only Catholic charities and A.S.I.A. are authorized to deal with Korean adoptions (that information alone covered almost half a day). We have interviews scheduled with both agencies next month.

If anything major happens, I'll let you know.

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