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    • By Destino in ES Coverage
         1
      We’re still doing this?  Absolutely!  Despite all the compelling reasons to just let everyone go home and enjoy and extended offseason, this is not an option.  The games must be played, and therefore we the long-suffering fans will feel compelled to watch.  Even games no reasonable football fan would choose to watch like, for example, today’s Redskins Jets game.   

      Today’s convergence of sadness features the 30th ranked scoring offense (Jets 14.4 ppg) versus the 32nd (Redskins 12.0 ppg).  The first team to 15 wins!  With no playoff aspirations the compelling story lines for this game are largely limited to watching young players (hopefully) develop.  Dwayne Haskins gets his first home start and Derrius Guice is back from injury.   
       
      My, reasonable, goals for today’s game:  
      1- Score a touchdown 
      2- Score more than 17 points.   
      3- Haskins throws for 200 yards or more with no interceptions  
      4- Guice runs the ball at least 10 times and finishes at 3.5 yards per carry and healthy.  
       
      Hoping for a win at this point feels like setting myself up for disappointment, so I’m happy to settle for an entertaining loss.  
       
      Special thanks to @pez for some excellent Guinness beef stew.  If you absolutely have to stand in a frozen parking lot at 9am, the best place to do it is at the Extremeskins Tailgate with Pez and @Huly.  Great fans, great people. 
       
      The Redskins have declared for the following players as inactive: 
      Paul Richardson  
      Colt McCoy 
      Deshazor Everett 
      Chris Thompson  
      Ross Pierschbacher 
      Vernon Davis  
      Tim Settle  
       
      The Jets declared the following players as inactive  
      Nate Hairston  
      Darryl Roberts  
      Paul Worrilow 
      Matthias Farley  
      CJ Mosley  
      Jordan Willis  
      Leo Koloamatangi 
       
      1st Quarter - Redskins 0 - 6 Jets
      If you wanted to sit in the cold and watch a football game with some Jets fans at FedEx, but were worried that there were not enough seats available, I have good news.  There’s plenty of space available, so come on down and prove you’re a real fan by sitting though this in person.
       
      Jets dominated the 1st quarter even though they only scored 6 points.  The reason being that Washington managed only 13 yards of offense and a single first down.  
       
      Question: Is it still a check down pass if the QB never looks at anyone else?
       
      2nd Quarter - Redskins 3 - 20 Jets
      The Jets have achieved an insurmountable 13 point lead early in the 2nd quarter.  All hope is lost.

      Is there a more perfect example of the Redskins offense than their first scoring drive in the 2nd quarter?  Interception gives the Redskins the ball on the Jets 16 yard line.  They proceed to march 10 yards backwards before kicking a field goal from the Jets 26.  It's perfect.  Two or three more field goals we can call it a day. 

      The Jets score again and if feels like they are are just piling on at this point.  Three touchdowns in the first half for them, just three points for the redskins.  Our streak of no touchdowns has now extended to 15 quarters. 
       
      3rd Quarter - Redskins 3 - 20 Jets
      There is a spider slowly descending from the ceiling in the press box and it's the most interesting thing that's happened during the third quarter of this game. 
       
      I have decided to allow the spider to live, provided it does not touch me.  I'm off to get some more caffeine. 

      4th Quarter - Redskins 17 - 34 Jets
      The first wave of Redskins fans, the few that are here, started streaming towards the exits after that 4th Jets touchdown.  As if the Jets didn't have this game wrapped up in the 2nd quarter. 
       
      Jet have now more than doubled their average points per game and have matched their season high of 34 points (and they missed two field goals in this game). 
       
      TOUCHDOWN REDSKINS!  THE DROUGHT IT OVER!  Guice took a short pass from Haskins  all the way to the house.  2 point conversion is successful on a pass from Haskins to Quinn. 
       
      The Redskins score another touchdown!  This feels like an embarrassment of riches, even if we are still certain to lose this game. 
       
      End of Game.
       
      Let's review those reasonable goals I mentioned earlier:
       
      1- Success.
      2- Close enough, I'm counting it
      3- Haskins did throw for over 200, but unfortunately did have an interception. 
      4- Guice was not given the opportunity to run the ball ten times today.  He did however score on a 45 yard TD pass and finish the game healthy.  I'll take it.
       
      Even though the Redskins lost, it was good to see the offense show some faint signs of life and end the streak of games without a TD.  The team looked competitive for much of the second half, and perhaps they could have made this a fun game if they carried that same energy throughout.  It was good to see Guice and Mclaurin show out today.  I think both of them have a future with this team that I look forward to seeing. 

       
       

       
       
       
       
       
unsonny

The Own3d Thread.(Keep it clean)

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this is NOT safe for work..but so damn funny I had to at least give the link.

http://thechive.com/2008/11/hilarious-science-fair-projects-8-photos/

:notworthy:notworthy

One of the funniest sites i've ever seen. There is a lot more on thechive than just what you posted.

:applause:

The girl who took a dump in the Art Institute parking lot! - m4w

Date: 2008-12-03, 11:53PM PST

I mean, come on!

It was like 50 paces to the nearest restroom!

I sat there in my car wondering what the hell you were up to - you spent at least 2 minutes scurrying around your parked car, looking to see if the coast was clear. I thought you were going to, like, break into someone else's car or something. Then I guessed you thought you were "safe" and hurried to the front of your car, near the third level stairwell, dropped your pants, squatted and WENT TO IT!

For Christ's sake, woman! All the time you spent looking out for passing cars so no one would see you crapping like a dog in public, you could have hustled your lazy ass downstairs and into the building and USED THE DAMNED RESTROOM!

Sheesh!

Anyway - if you're free later, drop me a line. I was never more turned on in my life.

Room for Rent -- Inauguration Day/ObamaCon 2009

Date: 2008-11-11, 11:45AM EST

In a search of a room in DC so that you can spend Jan. 20 standing in the bitter winter cold with thousands of like-minded souls watching the historic transfer of power from one Harvard grad to another? Look no further.

Me: Heartless, greedy right-wing oppressive type looking to make a buck.

You: Obama's election was Christmas/your first kiss/May Day all wrapped into one. You dutifully wore his button -- which you have yet to remove -- contributed money to his campaign from your non-profit job and chanted "yes we can" as if it were the 11th commandment. A strange void now exists in your life and -- like an old hippie looking to recapture the spirit of Woodstock -- you are undertaking a pilgramage to Washington for one last gulp of the Kool-Aid.

Along with my bedroom you will have access to the house's many amenities including cable television (not that you watch much TV) for viewing Keith Olberman's latest unhinged rants and CNN in high-def. Wireless internet means that the Huffington Post and DailyKos are only a click away on your MacBook. American flags and other patriotic paraphernalia in the room can be removed upon request.

The house is located in the diverse neighborhood of Adams Morgan with people of many different skin pigmentations that will allow you to revel in your tolerance. Rest assured, however, that this diversity does not extend to ideology and that you are sure to march lock-step with the prevailing sentiment ensuring that your most strongly held beliefs remain unchallenged.

Easily accessible subway and bus stops will help ensure a minimal carbon footprint while fair trade coffee is never more than a few steps away at any number of independently-owned establishments. Nearby non-chain bookstores similarly mean that tomes such as Mao's Little Red Book, Chomsky's latest masterpiece or additional copies of The Audacity of Hope can be easily purchased either for yourself or as early holiday shopping.

Rather than state a price I am requesting that you bid on this fabulous opportunity to ensure profit maximization on my part so that I can better weather the Bush Recession.

I have a huge bathroom.

Date: 2008-11-06, 4:01AM EST

I am a female in my mid 60's and I am looking for a room mate. Times are tight and I need some extra money.

I am willing to rent out my bathroom in my 1 bedroom east village home.

My bathroom is large. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it.

I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you confine yourself to the bathroom. I do not feel comfortable with a stranger walking around my living room. This might change as I get to know you better.

You may have guest over as long as they are cnfined to the bathroom as well. This might seem a bit odd but please remember the rent is $400 and the bathroom is large.

**** TOILET FOR TWO ****

Date: 2008-11-06, 9:20PM PST

I have come to the conclusion that I must sell my TwoDaLoo, and that saddens me. I purchased this baby for my wife. Well, it was our 4 year anniversary and I really wanted to give her something special, something that I put a lot of thought into, and most importantly something we could do together. I thought what better thing to do together than to poo together. After countless hours of research I found The TwoDaLoo. The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use ... at the exact same time. It’s supposed to bring couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. My wife was disgusted and has since left me. I explained to her that we could be as one if we could rock a big one out together. I can’t think of a better way to end a romantic dinner out. And how cool would Taco Tuesday have been – had she been just a little more open minded. It’s just not the same when you use it alone – and the empty seat next to me just reminds me of her.

The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. I purchased the upgraded version; you know the one that includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station. I will provide my personal play list (should you choose to by her) – songs like “I’m Coming Out” and “You Dropped a Bomb on me” and “Love Stinks” will be just a few.

I truly hope that someone can use my T for T (toilet for two) and find the happiness that I was so looking for.

Why I'll never succeed in the W4M forum!

Date: 2008-11-17, 6:40AM MST

I've been an avid reader, occasional poster and extremely rare responder of the Craigslist personals for about a year now, and I've noticed some common (and hilarious) threads of interest among the women of Fort Collins. I'd like to take a minute to break it down for you, ghetto style, so you can recognize the following horrific cliches and just maybe avoid getting flagged as spam.

ReadySetGo!!!!

"Seeking a man that's at least 6 feet tall. I like to wear high heels" - Damn, totally boned here. I'm only 5'8 or maybe 5'9', apparently equaling "somewhere between midget and elf, and therefore undatable", even though the average American male height is 5'10. And 6 feet tall? What kind of shoes are you wearing anyway? Some **** from the lunar landing? Next...

"Must love animals" - Great... You mean I have to pretend to like your floofy poodle/chihuahua/norway rat mixed breed long enough to maybe earn some kisses? Or that huge mastiff that's physically capable of kicking me out of your bed? How about the cat that's contemplating using me as a scratching post every time I walk around in my boxers? I think I'll exit stage right before the ****er eats my socks again.

"Looking for a God-fearing man" - I get the biggest kick out of this one. Why would you be afraid of your own imaginary friend? Seems like you'd better imagine something a little less hostile. I'd suggest Papa Smurf.

"Must like the outdoors" - Barring a select few dweebs I've met that live in their parents' basement and mainline Mountain Dew so they can play World of Warcraft for 87 hours straight, most human beings like being outside at some point. Sure, I'll go for a day hike with you. Does that mean I want to live in the woods for a month and wipe my ass with a pine cone? No thanks!

"Looking for friends first" - Cool, I'm always down for more friends. Wait, what's that you say? Your hot friend Brittany is single? Excuse me while I ask her for her phone number.

"Must love children" - Unlike the mighty lion (who will kill and eat cubs from rival males) I say the more kids, the better! We can open our own sweatshop and they can make you shoes. I call being the manager!

"I like having fun" - Whew, what a relief! I'm meeting too many people these days that think having fun sucks. I'm a big fan of fun myself! We have so much in common.

"Must like to dance" - Really? Have you ever met a straight guy that wants to go dancing? Wait, I take that back. I do know one guy, but he's from Puerto Rico or something. Come to think of it, he's probably gay. That's right, Jorge - I've got you figured out.

"I like going out, but also enjoy staying in for a quiet night at home" - That's great, because staying home or going out and doing something are pretty much the only two options you have.

So in conclusion, I say the luck of the Irish be with you lovely ladies of Fort Collins in your search for a badass Daniel Craig-era James Bond lookalike that will dance the Macarena with Mr. Cuddlekins the Poodle whilst purchasing you an all-expenses-paid vacation to Maui. Just keep in mind that Mr. Bond is only 5'10.

Edited by WVUforREDSKINS

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The admin removed the Super Soaker one earlier.

Other than that one , the rest are pretty hilarious!

Edited by ixcuincle

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how many times can we post the same Bush jokes? i say 200 more times.

Oops, i missed the last page. Eh, they're not that old.:silly:

There, I don't think those were posted.

Edited by Stophovr6

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Oops, i missed the last page. Eh, they're not that old.:silly:

There, I don't think those were posted.

the only one of those I hadn't seen before (and was waiting until it arrived) was the bob-omb one.

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