jbooma Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 The good, the bad and Simms CBS broadcast teaches about nudity, football and male dysfunction Updated: Monday February 2, 2004 3:05AM Things I learned while watching CBS' broadcast of Super Bowl XXXVIII on Sunday: • That Jim Nantz is considerably smarter than our nation's president. This I learned while watching Nantz's interview with George W. Bush about an hour before kickoff in which Bush stumbled through nearly every answer. I was waiting for Nantz to ask him, "George, the Panthers' defense is pretty good. Which weapons of mass destruction in the Patriots' offense do you figure will mysteriously disappear?" • That in the world of advertising dollars, male dysfunction suddenly has eclipsed collect calls, and it's sneaking up on overnight delivery. • That I've been speaking the English language incorrectly all these years. I learned this from listening to Phil Simms, who, as the top color analyst for a national network, surely knows how to speak better than I. "There's a reason why this Carolina Panthers team is in the Super Bowl," he said after linebacker Will Witherspoon stuffed Troy Brown on a reverse in the first quarter. "They've got a lot of guys like Will Witherspoon that nobody knows nothing about." • That HDTV stands for, "Hot Damn, That's Vivid." • That Chevy, which ran an ad for the Aveo, has decided its new target audience is people under 5-foot-2. • That Bonnie Bernstein is always the best part of any CBS broadcast. • That Levitra not only helps men with the aforementioned dysfunction problem, but it also helps them throw a ball through a tire. • That, "you know it's an ugly football game, so you just deal with the situation what it is," said Simms. • That three touchdowns and a field goal in the last three minutes of a half can really wreak havoc on your nap schedule. • That Janet Jackson hasn't gotten that much exposure since 1989. • That TV networks refuse to give streakers their desired 15 minutes of fame. CBS cut away to halftime statistics when one made it to midfield right before the second half. Let's make sure we have this straight. Swimming in garbage and eating pig uterus on Fear Factor: quality television. A naked bum: offensive. • That any meeting among ad execs inevitably includes someone saying at some point, "you can't go wrong with a monkey." • That, according to a commercial for another prescription drug called Cialis, "erections lasting longer than four hours require immediate medical help." Next week on ER ... • That Julius Peppers is "a star waiting to happen." This from our friend Mr. Simms. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's like saying LeBron James is "going to be a good player." • That five fourth-quarter touchdowns can really wreak havoc on your plan to go to sleep early. • That even with the score tied 29-29 in the final minute, a Super Bowl crowd was about as loud as a Dennis Kucinich campaign rally. • That Adam Vinatieri is undoubtedly the luckiest man in America (Besides Justin Timberlake). • That when the nation's football pundits spend two weeks falling all over themselves about the teams' defenses, they will undoubtedly combine for 61 points and almost 900 yards. • That if you looked up the word "hyperbole" in the dictionary, you'd see Nantz's smiling mug right next to it. • That, while the Patriots and Panthers exceeded all expectations, Simms, considering his performance on the night, apparently shares his son's penchant for choking in the big game in Texas. Stewart Mandel covers college sports for SI.com. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, Enzyte are all sponsored by the porno industry in hopes of getting all us "normal" guys to make out own "stud" movies which they will buy the rights to, thus making us "stars" and making them rich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skeletor The Invincible Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 I mentioned the same thing to a bunch of my friends about the "erections lasting longer than 4 hours." FOUR HOURS?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubba9497 Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 :poke: :respect: http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=49009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GB81 Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 Are there that many people out there who can't get it up? And how do they identify the sports celebrities that have erectile dysfunction? Did someone just start calling everyone's wives? "Hey Bob, sounds like Mrs. Palmeiro hasn't gotten laid since Rafael was with the O's...let's sign him up." "Yeah, I just got off the phone with Mark Martin's old lady and sounds like his johnson is softer than the restraining wall at turn 4 at Taledega." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeorama Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 LOL.. great read... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redman Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 Quality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red&BlueRivalry Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 Originally posted by jbooma • That TV networks refuse to give streakers their desired 15 minutes of fame. CBS cut away to halftime statistics when one made it to midfield right before the second half. Let's make sure we have this straight. Swimming in garbage and eating pig uterus on Fear Factor: quality television. A naked bum: offensive. :laugh: :rotflmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Sick Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 Mike Ditka can no longer be called "Iron Mike" unless he takes his pills! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 That, while the Patriots and Panthers exceeded all expectations, Simms, considering his performance on the night, apparently shares his son's penchant for choking in the big game in Texas. Being a graduate of the TEXAS A & M system this is the very best statement he made!! :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :laugh: :laugh: Blondie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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