NavyDave Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands." The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?" Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pyjamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!" At this the man jerked off his oxygen mask and asked again: "ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK"?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyDave Posted January 26, 2004 Author Share Posted January 26, 2004 Y IS IT? Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Why doesn't toothpaste ever go rotten? Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? On electric toasters why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot? How come when you first pull the drapery cord the drapes always move the wrong way? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, reach and down pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try? How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures? Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear? When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'Its alright'? It isn't alright, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers ? Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men? Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened? Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year? Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bed-ridden for weeks? How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes? Why do women never say what they want or mean? Is it because they always expect men to innately know what they are thinking? Do they think men are psychic? Why do men forget everything and women remember everything? Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food? Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things, right? Is the real reason women live longer than men because they don't have to live with women? If at first you don't succeed shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to? If an optimist fell from a ten story building would he yell out to his friends 'All right so far' as he passed each floor? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyDave Posted January 26, 2004 Author Share Posted January 26, 2004 Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain : "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean". The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane". After this announcement all the passengers re- arranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane..."-Thank You For Flying Lufthansa- ". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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