prophet Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 http://brokennewz.com/displaystory.asp_Q_storyid_E_696bengals Bengals Mathematically Eliminated from NFL Playoffs Until 2017 1/16/2004 - William Grim -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cincinnati - Just when things didn’t seem like they could get worse for Cincinnati Bengals owner Mike Brown, statisticians from the NFL today announced that the Bengals have played so poorly for such a long time that they have been mathematically eliminated from all playoff hopes until the year 2017. “There’s just no way that the Bengals can make the playoffs for another 14 years,” said Dewey Manikoff, chief statistician for the NFL. “Let’s face it, the Bengals are the only team to have had a touchdown scored against them during the playing of The Star-Spangled Banner,” Manikoff added referring to the embarrassing trick play used by the New Orleans Saints against the Bengals during the 1998 season. “Well, OK, there are two ways that the Bengals could get into the playoffs before 2017,” Manikoff continued. “There could be a mysterious plague that kills all the members of the other NFL teams, but that’s highly unlikely. Or, Mike Brown could sell his soul to the Devil.” In related news, the police department of Blue Ash, a wealthy suburb of Cincinnati, has reported a recent rash of ritual animal slayings, the disappearance of several virgins and a number of fences with pentagrams spray-painted on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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