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The War on Christmas


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Miss Agnes McHolstein
                             69 Cash Avenue
                             Beaver Valley, Colorado

                             December 14, 1994

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered
a partridge in a pear tree.  What a thoroughly
delightful gift. I couldn't have been more
surprised.

                    With deepest love and devotion,

                    Agnes

 

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Miss Agnes McHolstein
                            69 Cash Avenue
                            Beaver Valley, Colorado

                            December 15, 1994

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift.
Just imagine two turtle doves.  I'm just delighted
at your very thoughtful gift.  They are just
adorable.

                            All my love,

                            Agnes

 

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Miss Agnes McHolstein
                            69 Cash Avenue
                            Beaver Valley, Colorado

                            December 16, 1994

Dearest John:

Oh!  Aren't you the extravagant one.  Now I really
must protest.  I don't deserve such generosity,
Three French hens. They are just darling but I must
insist, you've been too kind.

                            Love,

                            Agnes

 

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Miss Agnes McHolstein
                            69 Cash Avenue
                            Beaver Valley, Colorado

                            December 17, 1994

Dear John,

Today the postman delivered 4 calling birds.  Now
really, they are beautiful but don't you think
enough is enough. You're being too romantic.

                            Affectionately,

                            Agnes

 

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Miss Agnes McHolstein
                            69 Cash Avenue
                            Beaver Valley, Colorado

                            December 18, 1994

Dearest John:

What a surprise.  Today the postman delivered 5
golden rings; one for every finger.  You're just
impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds
squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

                            All my love,

                            Agnes

 

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Miss Agnes McHolstein
                            69 Cash Avenue
                            Beaver Valley, Colorado

                            December 19, 1994

Dear John:

When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese
a-laying on my front steps.  So, you're back to
the birds again, huh?  Those geese are huge.  Where
will I ever keep them?  The neighbors are
complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.

Please stop.

                            Cordially,

                            Agnes

 

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Miss Agnes McHolstein
                            69 Cash Avenue
                            Beaver Valley, Colorado

                            December 20, 1994

John:

What's with you and those crazy birds?  7 swans
a-swimming. What kind of terrible joke is this?
There's bird **** all over the house, and they
never stop with the racket.  I can't sleep at
night and I'm a nervous wreck.  It's not funny.
So stop sending me all these birds!

                            Sincerely,

                             Agnes

 

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Miss Agnes McHolstein
                            69 Cash Avenue
                            Beaver Valley, Colorado

                            December 21, 1994

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds.  What am I going to do
with 8 maids a-milking?  It's not enough with all
those birds and 8 maids a-milking, but they had to
bring their cows!  There is **** all over the lawn
and I can't move in my own house.  Just lay off me,
smart ass.

                            Agnes

 

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Miss Agnes McHolstein
                            69 Cash Avenue
                            Beaver Valley, Colorado

                            December 22, 1994

Hey!  ****head,

What are you?  Some kind of sadist?  Now there's 9
pipers playing.  And boy, do they play.  They've
never stopped chasing those maids since they got
here yesterday morning. They cows are getting upset,
and they're stepping all over those screeching
birds. What am I going to do?  The neighbors have
started a petition to evict me.

                            You'll get yours,

                            Agnes

 

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Miss Agnes McHolstein
                            69 Cash Avenue
                            Beaver Valley, Colorado

                            December 23, 1994

You Rotten Sadist,

Now there's 10 ladies dancing.  I don't know why I
call those sluts ladies.  They've been messing with
those pipers all night long.  Now the cows can't
sleep and they've got the diarrhea. My living
room is a river of ****.  The Commissioner of
Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this
building shouldn't be condemned.

I'm sicking the police on you.

                            One who means it.

 

Quote
 Miss Agnes McHolstein
                            69 Cash Avenue
                            Beaver Valley, Colorado

                            December 24, 1994

Listen!  Looser,

What's with the 11 lords a-leaping on those maids
and ladies. Some of those broads will never walk
again.  Those pipers ran through the maids and
have been committing sodomy with the cows.  All
23 of the birds are dead.  They've been trampled
to death in the orgy.  I hope you're satisfied,
you rotten, vicious swine.

                            Your sworn enemy,

                            Agnes

 

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Law Offices
                          Badger, Bender and Cahole
                          303 Knave Street
                          Chicago, Illinois

                          December 25, 1994

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12
fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to
inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein.
The destruction, of course, was total.  All
correspondence should come to our attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein
at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have
instructions to shoot you on sight.  With this
letter please find attached warrant for your
arrest.

                          Cordially,

                          Badger, Bender and Cahole

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Alleging 'forced' conversion, Hindu organisations beat up Santa Claus in Gujarat

 

Ahead of the New Year celebrations, people dressed as Santa Claus was allegedly beaten up by a Hindu organisation in Gujarat's Ahmedabad on Friday. Videos of the attack went viral on social media.

 

On Friday night, Bajrang Dal activists reached the Kankaria zoo entry gate where Kankaria Carnival 2022 was organised by the government. They alleged that the people dressed up as Santa Claus were into conversion activity by giving chocolates and religious books to the visitors. They also claimed that they received complaints about the same.

 

Speaking to media persons, North Gujarat Bajrang Dal president Javalit Mehta said, "When we  went there to protest against the people who were doing religious conversion activity, there was a clash with some of them."

 

The video of members of the Hindu supremacist organisation attacking and beating the individuals dress up as Santa Claus went viral on social media. The members were seen threatening the Santa Clauses to "go back" to their churches to spread the word about their religion.

 

Vishwa Hindu Parishad spokesperson Hitendrasinh Rajput said, "for the past four days of the Kankaria Carnival, missionaries have been promoting Christianity by selling books dressed as Santa Claus near the entry of the zoo and promoting conversion activities by explaining about Jesus and Christianity. On being informed about the matter, 20 activists led by North Gujarat president of Bajrang Dal Javalit Mehta stopped the conversion activity in the government program at around 9 pm on Friday."

 

Click on the link for the full article

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  • 3 weeks later...

New England girl seeking proof of Santa asks police to test cookie, carrots for DNA

 


A young Rhode Island girl has finally figured out how to determine if Santa Claus is real - DNA.

 

The Cumberland resident sent a partially eaten cookie as well as a couple of gnawed-on carrot sticks to the town's police department to ask if they can be tested for DNA, Chief Matthew Benson said in a statement Friday.

 

“I took a sample of a cookie and carrots that I left for Santa and the raindeer on Christmas Eve and I was wondering if you could take a sample of DNA and see if Santa is real?” the girl wrote. Her name and age were not disclosed.

 

santa-evidence-note-1674253031.jpg?resiz

santa-evidence-1674253001.png?crop=1.00x

 

Benson forwarded the “evidence” to the state's Department of Health-Forensic Sciences unit for analysis.

 

“Items to be examined for traces of DNA and compared with profiles on record for the above-named suspect/aliases,” the department form says.

 

Click on the link for the full article

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23 minutes ago, 88Comrade2000 said:

A neighbor still has their Xmas lights up in one tree. They took everything else down but to lazy to do the tree.


My tree's been up for two years. 

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4 minutes ago, The Evil Genius said:

I don't see the problem. If people leave their tree or lights up year round or say through Feb or later...so what. 

 

We keep the x-mas lights on at night as long as there is snow on the ground.  The multicolored glow twinkling under the snow is just relaxing and pretty.

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On 1/21/2023 at 3:39 PM, China said:

New England girl seeking proof of Santa asks police to test cookie, carrots for DNA

 


A young Rhode Island girl has finally figured out how to determine if Santa Claus is real - DNA.

 

The Cumberland resident sent a partially eaten cookie as well as a couple of gnawed-on carrot sticks to the town's police department to ask if they can be tested for DNA, Chief Matthew Benson said in a statement Friday.

 

“I took a sample of a cookie and carrots that I left for Santa and the raindeer on Christmas Eve and I was wondering if you could take a sample of DNA and see if Santa is real?” the girl wrote. Her name and age were not disclosed.

 

santa-evidence-note-1674253031.jpg?resiz

santa-evidence-1674253001.png?crop=1.00x

 

Benson forwarded the “evidence” to the state's Department of Health-Forensic Sciences unit for analysis.

 

“Items to be examined for traces of DNA and compared with profiles on record for the above-named suspect/aliases,” the department form says.

 

Click on the link for the full article

 

Results released in girl’s request for DNA evidence of Santa

 

The Rhode Island Department of Health says it was not able “to definitively confirm or refute the presence of Santa” in a young girl’s home after she requested to have a partially eaten cookie and a couple of gnawed-on carrot sticks tested for DNA to see if Santa Claus is real.

 

The department tweeted on Monday that “we all agree that something magical may be at play.”

 

The department said it found no complete matches to anyone in the Combined DNA Index System but said there was a partial match “to a 1947 case centered around 34th Street in New York City,” referring to the movie “Miracle on 34th Street.” It said it would need more DNA samples “from other known Santa encounters to make a definitive match.”

 

The “good news” is that the lab did find the presence of DNA closely matching Rangifer tarandus, known as reindeer, when testing the carrots, the department said.

 

Click on the link for the full story

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