Om Posted September 5, 2001 Share Posted September 5, 2001 Washington Redskins vs. San Diego Chargers Fellow warriors ... fear not. We'll take these guys. Here's why: 1) Easy credit. Believe me, friends, it's the bane of contemporary personal economics. More often than not, overly dependent Chargers end up in Chapter 7. And it's sad testament, indeed, to the declining discipline and moral fiber in our great land(s). Native Americans, the other hand, practiced free trade. They foraged and hunted. They were self-reliant and self-sufficient. They ran or passed and scored and when they wanted more, they beat ‘um, swamped ‘um, touched ‘um, left their joints sore. And sometimes, of course, when all else failed, they took what the defense game them. By all accounts, a much sounder approach. Advantage: Redskins. 2) Let's face it ... Chargers may be vital, but only to the extent that 21st century batteries are not perpetual, and eventually do tend to run down. Chargers are to batteries what condoms are to safe sex; an unfortunate accouterment not long (present company excepted, of course) on intrinsic charm. Native Americans, on the other hand, were and are vital as hell, and the fact is that as a people they didn't even throw batteries until some of them moved to Philadelphia to get better cheesesteaks, where a few of them did, admittedly, get a little caught up in the moment. Still, when they did ... well, let's just say some of those dudes could really wing it. Advantage: Redskins. 3) Consider this: Saint Didacus (a/k/a San Diego), for whom the Southern California city of the same name is, um ... named ... was a 15th century Spaniard from Seville, born poor and unremarkable, who had the good sense to perform a posthumous miracle (we're told) on behalf of the son of King Phillip II (1527 - 1598). So pleased was that worthy that he petitioned the Vatican for Didacus' canonization, which was, ultimately, conferred by Pope Sixtus 5 in 1588. Observations thereupon: a) The Feast of Didacus, celebrated by the Order of Friars Minor, is on the 12th of November. The Redskins play the Chargers on the 9th of September. Studying our Gregorian Calendars, we cleverly deduce that September 9th in fact predates November 12th, thus ensuring that the Redskins will play Didacus' boyz whilst they are in a distracted state (what with preparations for the Feast and all) and, more importantly, before they eat, thus ensuring that they will be hungry and weak. Didacus was from Seville. We have a Barber. Do the math. c) Washingtonians are not, as a general rule, canonized (with the possible exception of the late Vince Foster, RIP, but that's another story), and therefore are not quite as inclined towards piety on the Christian day of rest. The 9th of September, in the year 2001 AD, serendipitously enough, falls on a Sunday. So while the good folk of Saint Didacus are comporting themselves piously, contemplating higher planes of selflessness and giving (which, as everybody knows, leads to turnovers), the spiritual, yet pragmatic, folk from the nation's capital will be focused and in the moment ... and fighting like hell for old D.C. Advantage: Redskins. 4) Frankly, I've always preferred the Superbird and/or the Challenger to the Charger. I mean, seriously, what the hell is this ? And I won't even go here ... For identifying themselves with such sorry, broken-down, butt-ugly piles of steaming armadillo dung, the Chargers have debased and disgraced themselves beyond the bounds generally accepted by civilized society. Advantage: Redskins. 5) Um ... (cough). Advantage: You tell me. THEREFORE, per the auspices of Extremeskins.com, and in consideration of the above, the San Diego Chargers are summarily dismissed, and final judgement is rendered hereupon: JUDGEMENT: Washington Redskins. * Hail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted September 5, 2001 Share Posted September 5, 2001 Despite the precedent cited above, I feel I must propose the cannonisation of at least one Washingtonian, with title (and icon) to corespond. I really needed this. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry Posted September 5, 2001 Share Posted September 5, 2001 Who's been spiking the kool aid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulldog Posted September 5, 2001 Share Posted September 5, 2001 Why will the Skins edge San Diego? Look at my icon and then just substitute a ligtning bolt for that Dallas star on the helmet of the qb in the picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Om Posted September 5, 2001 Author Share Posted September 5, 2001 Gracias, Larry. I'm afraid I can't help you on the cannonizing thing, though ... black powder makes me break out. Master Terry, spiked Kool Aid is not always enough. To get to where this one was hiding, your humble student had to inhale very, VERY deeply ... of life. Bulldog, I'll drink to that. Seriously. A lot. (Oh, and BTW ... Blade, feel free to use this in any way you might deem appropriate. You are now leaving ... The Emoticon Zone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry Posted September 5, 2001 Share Posted September 5, 2001 hmmm... Is that a playbook in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Om Posted September 5, 2001 Author Share Posted September 5, 2001 Might actually help our allegedly cerebrally-challenged QB(s). They say that as Marty's gotten older, his playbook just isn't as hard as it used to be. [ by Om on September 05, 2001.] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyDave Posted September 5, 2001 Share Posted September 5, 2001 Brings back memories of this sweet 74 black and gold Charger a shipmate had at Mare Island until his girl decided she could drag race. ------------------ Take a sip of the Marty Kool Aid and Believe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest omthebard Posted September 9, 2001 Share Posted September 9, 2001 This is for Om and anyone else who has butterflies in his belly right about now ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted September 9, 2001 Share Posted September 9, 2001 No room for butterflies with all the beer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsfanbu Posted September 9, 2001 Share Posted September 9, 2001 Note to Om... "I am Spartacus!" HTTR, Bill the FL Chief Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.