The Parenting Thread II - Advice, Tips, Etc

[Elessar78]

On 4/2/2018 at 9:10 PM, pjfootballer said:

Dumbest generation in history. Yes, I said it. 

Dumber than the ones that thought drinking and driving was okay? Dumber than the ones who took psychotropic drugs recreationally? Dumber than the ones that snorted coke? Dumber than the ones that huffed spray paint and freon? 

 

And if they are, then they belong to the dumbest generation of parents in history.

Edited April 10, 2018 by Elessar78

[Springfield]

On 4/10/2018 at 3:51 PM, Elessar78 said:

Dumber than the ones that thought drinking and driving was okay? Dumber than the ones who took psychotropic drugs recreationally? Dumber than the ones that snorted coke? Dumber than the ones that huffed spray paint and freon? 

 

And if they are, then they belong to the dumbest generation of parents in history.

 

That generation of parents sure likes to pat themselves on the back an awful lot for how badly they are ****ing over their kids and their kid’s kids.

Edited April 11, 2018 by Springfield

[dfitzo53]

@Springfield

 

This is also a good book about a big brother who feels like his little brother is horning in on his territory:

http://a.co/82Eo4cU

It talks about sharing, and about how parents will never run out of love for both kids, and about how big brothers are special.

 

Apparently it's a sequel (to a good kids book but not about siblings) but we haven't read the first one.  You don't need to read the first one to understand the second.

 

Edit: To be 100% fair, it contains a blatantly scientifically inaccurate statement implying that the sun makes other stars light up if that bothers you, but I'm not super concerned about that.  Kids read or hear stories that fudge science for the sake of a narrative all the time.

Edited April 11, 2018 by dfitzo53

[Springfield]

Thanks! I ordered it up!

[HOF44]

I've seen lots of kids from infancy to adulthood.  I've seen crappy parents end up with just what you would want in a successful adult. I've seen great parents end up with felons. I've seen siblings in the same household, one get a PHD and one a criminal record. I have no answers when it comes to perfect parenting other than do the best you can and don't beat yourself up to bad if you have slip here or there.    At some point as kids grow they make their own path.  You do the best you can to keep them on a happy productive one, but in the end the choice is theirs.  

[Elessar78]

According to the Harvard Grant study, professional success in adult life is strongly linked to having done chores as a child. 

 

https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/2015/12/08/research-indicates-sparing-chores-spoils-children-and-their-future-selves/ZLvMznpC5btmHtNRXXhNFJ/story.html

[PleaseBlitz]

3 hours ago, Elessar78 said:

According to the Harvard Grant study, professional success in adult life is strongly linked to having done chores as a child. 

 

https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/2015/12/08/research-indicates-sparing-chores-spoils-children-and-their-future-selves/ZLvMznpC5btmHtNRXXhNFJ/story.html

 

We just assigned my 2 year old her first chore on Monday.  She is now responsible for feeding the dog every night.  

 

Dog food is in a big plastic tub with a loose top that she can flip up, there is a scooper inside that holds approximately the right amount of food, and the dog's food bowl is about 4 feet away.  She's fed him for awhile now off and on, the only difference is now we're making it an every-day responsibility thing.  

 

 

Don't worry, we'll make sure the dog doesn't starve.  

[Elessar78]

WebMD has a good list of chores sorted by age if you google it

[Elessar78]

Need another set of eyes on this:

 

My 2nd grader has a reading competition in school. They read a book, test and get points based on the difficulty of the book. For her grade and level she can read books worth 1.0 and 0.5. She can read the 1.0 but prefers the 0.5 because they’re quick reads. 

 

Each month they fet awarded medals based based on accumulated reading points. Earlier in the year she got gold consistently. Now she’s been getting silver the last few times. 

 

If I push her/force her she could be reading the harder books, she’s done it before. But I’m also a current believer that “it’s her journey” approach. I want her to develop a genuine love of reading and not do it to get a medal. 

 

Do I need to nudge her more? I don’t know if I’m cementing an attitude that second place is good enough. But I also don’t want to get her started down the pressure-cooker path in academics.

[LadySkinsFan]

Let her read what she wants. Tell her you are proud of her and that she's developing a love for reading regardless of the "competition", which is stupid anyway.

 

True story, in first grade, I hated to learn to read and was resistant. (Back then, they didn't teach reading until first grade). I was going to fail first grade but my mom worked with me over the summer and I did develop the love of reading. I would have failed in a competition like your daughter is going through.

 

If you encourage her to read what she wants, she'll be happier. You might want to ask her why she prefers the "lower" rated books besides she wants to have a quick read to get it over with, is she doing other activities and reading cuts into her other activities?

 

 

[Dont Taze Me Bro]

11 minutes ago, Elessar78 said:

Need another set of eyes on this:

 

My 2nd grader has a reading competition in school. They read a book, test and get points based on the difficulty of the book. For her grade and level she can read books worth 1.0 and 0.5. She can read the 1.0 but prefers the 0.5 because they’re quick reads. 

 

Each month they fet awarded medals based based on accumulated reading points. Earlier in the year she got gold consistently. Now she’s been getting silver the last few times. 

 

If I push her/force her she could be reading the harder books, she’s done it before. But I’m also a current believer that “it’s her journey” approach. I want her to develop a genuine love of reading and not do it to get a medal. 

 

Do I need to nudge her more? I don’t know if I’m cementing an attitude that second place is good enough. But I also don’t want to get her started down the pressure-cooker path in academics.

 

Our daughter went through a similar phase.  She loved to read early on, then that started to fade towards the end of 2nd grade, throughout 3rd grade and into the beginning of 4th.  Now, she is back loving to read and can't put books down.  She just finished an Egyptian mythology book, reads all kinds including stuff that's also fun (like the Star Wars Yoda Origami series by Tom Angleberger).  

 

Encourage, encourage, encourage, but don't put pressure on her.  That's my parental advice.  As long as she is at or above the required reading level/comprehension she is supposed to be at throughout the year she will be fine.  Make suggestions but let her ultimately decide.  Tazette did the same thing with the reading level too when younger, she would read books that were slightly under her level, just to log reading time (last year - they had to read like 120 mins/week).

 

Just keep an eye on her progress/grades and if she slips below where she is supposed to be, intervene and get her back on track. 

[dfitzo53]

There is growing research that suggests that putting an incentive on something that people will need to build their own internal motivation for (such as good behavior and learning to read) is actually counterproductive. That entire competition sounds well- intentioned but misguided to me, especially for kids that young. 

 

My opinion for what it's worth is that it's far and away more important for kids to enjoy reading than it is for them to meet someone else's goals or standards for what they should be reading. 

 

I do think there's a place for pushing for more challenge, but I don't really have specific suggestions for how to go about that.

[Elessar78]

16 minutes ago, LadySkinsFan said:

You might want to ask her why she prefers the "lower" rated books besides she wants to have a quick read to get it over with, is she doing other activities and reading cuts into her other activities?

 

 

Other activities don't really cut in. She reads in school and before bed time. 

 

She likes the easier books because of the pictures and they're quicker reads. She's probably like me and has ADD. 

[Elessar78]

2 minutes ago, dfitzo53 said:

There is growing research that suggests that putting an incentive on something that people will need to build their own internal motivation for (such as good behavior and learning to read) is actually counterproductive. That entire competition sounds well- intentioned but misguided to me, especially for kids that young. 

 

My opinion for what it's worth is that it's far and away more important for kids to enjoy reading than it is for them to meet someone else's goals or standards for what they should be reading. 

I whole heartedly agree. I want my kids to be internally motivated. We both work, so in a way, we've been kinda hands off. 

 

2 minutes ago, dfitzo53 said:

I do think there's a place for pushing for more challenge, but I don't really have specific suggestions for how to go about that.

I'm still looking for this "place" in all their endeavors. 

[PleaseBlitz]

Has anyone attempted to "redshirt" their kids?  I'm trying to figure out how the process for doing it works.  

[TD_washingtonredskins]

17 minutes ago, PleaseBlitz said:

Has anyone attempted to "redshirt" their kids?  I'm trying to figure out how the process for doing it works.  

 

What do you mean? Hold them back? 

[PleaseBlitz]

1 minute ago, TD_washingtonredskins said:

 

What do you mean? Hold them back? 

 

Essentially, yes.  Slightly more accurate would be to say start them as late as possible.  

[TD_washingtonredskins]

Just now, PleaseBlitz said:

 

Essentially, yes.  Slightly more accurate would be to say start them as late as possible.  

 

Right...well, I can't really say what the process is, but we considered it with my oldest. 

 

My son was born in late-July (meaning he'd be on the younger end of his grade) and was a little on the immature side through a couple years in day care. Nothing bad really, just would talk out of turn or need to be reminded to stay on task. We ended up doing private Kindergarten for him so that he wouldn't get bored with no learning but so he could also have another year in a more lenient environment to grow up some. 

 

It was a great decision...I think he'd have been extremely unchallenged and bored if we waited an entire extra year to start school. I also think he'd have struggled in a traditional Kindergarten setting. 

 

If this is an academic or developmental decision - I would consider private K too. If this is for athletic reasons (you used the term redshirt and people do that out by where I live), well I have a whole different view on that. 

[PleaseBlitz]

3 minutes ago, TD_washingtonredskins said:

 

Right...well, I can't really say what the process is, but we considered it with my oldest. 

 

My son was born in late-July (meaning he'd be on the younger end of his grade) and was a little on the immature side through a couple years in day care. Nothing bad really, just would talk out of turn or need to be reminded to stay on task. We ended up doing private Kindergarten for him so that he wouldn't get bored with no learning but so he could also have another year in a more lenient environment to grow up some. 

 

It was a great decision...I think he'd have been extremely unchallenged and bored if we waited an entire extra year to start school. I also think he'd have struggled in a traditional Kindergarten setting. 

 

If this is an academic or developmental decision - I would consider private K too. If this is for athletic reasons (you used the term redshirt and people do that out by where I live), well I have a whole different view on that. 

 

Thanks.  This is purely academic, has nothing to do with athletics.

 

My daughter has a mid-July bday.  So it looks like our option is to enroll her to start Kindergarten at 5 (where she'd be among the youngest in her class) or at 6 (where she'd be among the oldest).  If we wait until she's 6, we'll have to pay for another year at daycare, which has a Kindergarten program, so basically she'd do Kindergarten twice.  

 

When i was a kid, I was literally the youngest person in my grade b/c my bday was the day before the cutoff date.  That comes with a lot of disadvantages, so I intend to do the opposite with my kid.  

 

Glad to hear that you had a good experience. 

[HOF44]

4 minutes ago, PleaseBlitz said:

 

 

When i was a kid, I was literally the youngest person in my grade b/c my bday was the day before the cutoff date.  That comes with a lot of disadvantages, so I intend to do the opposite with my kid.  

 

Glad to hear that you had a good experience. 

I've read a lot of stuff that says being on the oldest side of the class you are in is beneficial.  I'd for sure start her a year later if it's an option.  

[PleaseBlitz]

Just now, HOF44 said:

I've read a lot of stuff that says being on the oldest side of the class you are in is beneficial.  I'd for sure start her a year later if it's an option.  

 

Yes.  My question is not "should I do it?"  It is "how do I do it?"

 

Doing some basic research and it looks like my school district simply gives me the option to start her at 5 or 6, there isn't any kind of process to go through.  

[Dont Taze Me Bro]

2 minutes ago, PleaseBlitz said:

 

Thanks.  This is purely academic, has nothing to do with athletics.

 

My daughter has a mid-July bday.  So it looks like our option is to enroll her to start Kindergarten at 5 (where she'd be among the youngest in her class) or at 6 (where she'd be among the oldest).  If we wait until she's 6, we'll have to pay for another year at daycare, which has a Kindergarten program, so basically she'd do Kindergarten twice.  

 

When i was a kid, I was literally the youngest person in my grade b/c my bday was the day before the cutoff date.  That comes with a lot of disadvantages, so I intend to do the opposite with my kid.  

 

Glad to hear that you had a good experience. 

 

My daughter's birthday is in March, so she started kindergarten at age 5, so we didn't start her late.  But one of our good friends stated their oldest son one year later because he wasn't mature enough to make the jump at the time.  He's doing fine in school and hasn't had any issues other than the typical BS kid stuff (talking in class, roughhousing with friends, **** like that), not developmental or educational.  

[Dont Taze Me Bro]

Just now, PleaseBlitz said:

 

Yes.  My question is not "should I do it?"  It is "how do I do it?"

 

Doing some basic research and it looks like my school district simply gives me the option to start her at 5 or 6, there isn't any kind of process to go through.  

 

In NC, the statute says that if the child turns 5 on or before August 31st, they are eligible to be enrolled in kindergarten.  But it also states that all public schools are required to offer kindergarten but the child is not required to attend.  The compulsory attendance applies to children between the ages of 7 and 16 and children age 5-6 if they are enrolled in public school.

 

So, there isn't any additional paperwork to do or forms to fill out.  Its basically up to the parents discretion to start them at age 5 or 6.  Age 7 becomes the mandatory start date by law.  Sounds like y'all have same/similar statute/laws to what we have in NC.

[PleaseBlitz]

1 minute ago, Dont Taze Me Bro said:

 

In NC, the statute says that if the child turns 5 on or before August 31st, they are eligible to be enrolled in kindergarten.  But it also states that all public schools are required to offer kindergarten but the child is not required to attend.  The compulsory attendance applies to children between the ages of 7 and 16 and children age 5-6 if they are enrolled in public school.

 

So, there isn't any additional paperwork to do or forms to fill out.  Its basically up to the parents discretion to start them at age 5 or 6.  Age 7 becomes the mandatory start date by law.  Sounds like y'all have same/similar statute/laws to what we have in NC.

 

Yep, seems very similar, except the cutoff date is September 30.  I thought this was going to be hard and that there would be a mandatory starting age that is a single year.  

 

Instead it is "if your kid is 5 on or before 9/30, you may enroll them.  If they are 6 on or before 9/30, you must enroll them." 

[TheGoodBits]

5 minutes ago, PleaseBlitz said:

 

Yep, seems very similar, except the cutoff date is September 30.  I thought this was going to be hard and that there would be a mandatory starting age that is a single year.  

 

Instead it is "if your kid is 5 on or before 9/30, you may enroll them.  If they are 6 on or before 9/30, you must enroll them." 

 

It’ll be a few years until I have to go through this but it might be something I consider too.

 

My oldest is a Jan birthday, my middle is October (so she’ll turn 6 right at the beginning of the school year) but my youngest isn’t due until late May. That’s not *quite* as late as a July-Sept bday but late enough we might end up waiting until the following year.