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    • By Destino in ES Coverage
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      Good afternoon Redskins fans!  I have once again been invited to sit in the relative comfort of the press box and shout my thoughts into the void via this blog.  As you watch the game today and see the rain  pour relentlessly from the heavens, know that I am safe and dry.  Know also that @Spaceman Spiff is out there somewhere, cold and unappreciated, rolling around in the muck trying to capture that perfect picture.  Maybe say a little prayer for his health (or laugh, whatever, I’m not judging you).  Also, be sure not to miss the pictures he posts on this site after each game.     
       
      Before we get into today's Redskins game, I want give some thanks for more positive occurrences in DC sports.  Congrats to the Washington Mystics for winning their first championship.  Congrats go out to the Washington Nationals as well for reaching the world series.  These two teams (along with the Caps) are working hard to change the sports related mood around this town, and we're all happier for it. 
       
      Lets move now into less cheerful topics, namely your Washington Redskins!  Yow know things are going bad, and I mean really dang bad, when your team has gone through three quarterbacks and two coaches and your not even half way through the season.  Today's fresh hell comes in the form of a specter of the our recent past coming to smirk at our misfortune.  Im talking of course of Kyle.  Kyle's spent the week assuring everyone that he isn’t holding a grudge, while very obviously holding a grudge.  “Everything else.”  You know what I’m talking about. 
       
      If all he brought to town were his hurt feelings we wouldn’t have a problem.  Sadly, he’s arrived with an undefeated football team that the NFL says we have to play this week.  This feels entirely unfair. 
       
      My generic key to the game:  Run the ball and stop the run.  The team (spoiler alert: 49ers) that does this today will win.   
       
      Redskins Inactives  
      QB Colt McCoy  
      S Deshazor Everett  
      CB Josh Norman  
      RB Chris THompson  
      LB Josh Harvey-Clemons 
      G Wes Martin  
      TE Vernon Davis  
       
      49ers inactives  
      QB CJ Beathard 
      WR Deebo Samuel  
      CB Ahkello Witherspoon  
      FB Kyle Juszczyk 
      T Mike McGLinchey 
      T Joe Staley 
      DL DJ Jones 
       
      1st Quarter Update
      Redskins 0 – 0 49ers
       
      Callahan wasn’t playing around when he said he wanted to run the ball.  That first drive was all runs, and looked great... right up until they tried to pass the ball.  Hopkins missed the relatively short fied goal, because of course he did.     

      Maybe Quinn isn’t a good choice to be returning punts?  Consider it.    
       
      That second Redskins drive looked more like what we’ve come to expect from this offense.  Run for negative yards, pass dropped, and an unsuccessful screen pass.  A quintessential Redskins three and out. 

      Passing yards this quarter:  Redskins 3. 49ers 9.  Are you not entertained?! 
       
      Half Time Update
      Redskins 0 – 0 49ers 
       
      How happy are you to spend your Sunday afternoon watching this game?  Consider that some people paid money, to sit in a poncho, in the rain, to watch this game. 
       
      It’s now time for those half time adjustments that our beloved skins do so well.  It’s unlikely the second half mirrors the first. 
       
      3rd Quarter Update 
      Redskins 0 – 3 49ers  
       
      Good news, this game will not end in a 0-0 tie.  Those half time adjustments have kicked in as expected and the 49ers have found a way onto the scoreboard in this messy throwback game.  The Redskins have decided to spend the second half collecting holding penalties and sadness.  Mercifully, only one quarter remains. 
       
      End of Game Update 
      Redskins 0 – 9 49ers 
       
      Callahan hasn’t spent much time as the head coach of the Washington Redskins, but he’s already proven that his team can waste 2nd half timeouts like a veteran.  It makes little sense to adopt a strategy that shortens the game when your team is losing, and it makes even less sense when your team is short on time outs.  I’m not really sure what the thinking as late in this game.    
       
      Next week Kirk Cousins!   
       
       
zskins

NFL.com: Kirk Cousins tops biggest contracts (Special rule---you can refer to the Redskins in this thread---M.E.T.)

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By the way, in case anyone is interested...Cousins' amazing commercials for some place called Pizza Ranch below. Has nothing whatsoever to do with his on-field ability, but it's still a great cringe-worthy treat lol. No idea who man-bun is:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Kirk looks like he could be a decent actor, the first video showcased his skill the best: Be the sort of nerdy guy who tries to be "with it". They just ended the video way too soon. Unironically, I blame the team around him for ads flopping. There's no hook to them, they have no direction.

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1 hour ago, TryTheBeal! said:

 

But, but, but...he broke all of Sonny Jurgensen’s records!!

 

Hell I could break some of Sonny's records. We've sucked at quarterback for so long all our team passing stats should have "B.C" beside them

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1 hour ago, Califan007 said:

By the way, in case anyone is interested...Cousins' amazing commercials for some place called Pizza Ranch below. Has nothing whatsoever to do with his on-field ability, but it's still a great cringe-worthy treat lol. No idea who man-bun is:

 

That second one... is that Minnesota style pizza? Gross.

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12 minutes ago, Ghost of Nibbs McPimpin said:

Pizza Ranch is a midwestern pizza chain.  The midwest loves strange takes on pizza like Mexican pizza (which isn't bad oddly enough)  and dessert pizza.  That second video is of dessert pizza. 

 

Ohhhh thanks, I was confused since they said cactus bread. That music is goofy.

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Watched the entire game yesterday.  (Redskins game was on the other screen, with the sound off)

 

I'm sick of making excuses for Kirk. 

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6 hours ago, Califan007 said:

By the way, in case anyone is interested...Cousins' amazing commercials for some place called Pizza Ranch below. Has nothing whatsoever to do with his on-field ability, but it's still a great cringe-worthy treat lol. No idea who man-bun is:

Honestly, this made my day.  Awesome.

 

On a more serious note, the Redskins, whether that be GMSM, Bruce, Jay or Dan, or some combination of all of them,  were right about Kirk.  He is exactly who we they said he was: the best of the good.

 

That said, they still handled the whole thing completely wrong.  If they didn’t want him, they should have either just let him walk after 2015 or signed him to a 3 year deal after 2015.  This 2 year of franchise tag stuff cost them in every way possible. 

 

Edited by Voice_of_Reason
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It makes sense Kirk signs a sponsorship deal with a cheap ass Cicis pizza knockoff - he probably gives all his OL gift cards there because Pizza Hut and Papa Johns are too expensive.

Edited by Barry.Randolphe
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On 9/15/2019 at 5:25 PM, Hooper said:

Keenum will inevitably return to Minnesota and outperform Kirk again. 

 

On 9/15/2019 at 6:13 PM, Idaho fan said:

Does that mean Kirk comes back here to underperform some more?

 

I think he means playing for the Skins at the Minnesota game, not returning to play for the Vikings.

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16 hours ago, Mr. Sinister said:

Wth is Minnesota style pizza? Im afraid to click that vid now 😂

 

I'm ass/u/ming pickled herring is offered as a topping. Frankly, this sort of cultural appropriation and ****ization are an insult to my peoples... 😂

Edited by ntotoro
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22 hours ago, NickyJ said:

Kirk looks like he could be a decent actor, the first video showcased his skill the best: Be the sort of nerdy guy who tries to be "with it".

I’m not sure that role requires a whole lot of thespian skill on his part.

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1 minute ago, Sacks 'n' Stuff said:

I’m not sure that role requires a whole lot of thespian skill on his part.

Exactly, he's a natural!

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On 9/16/2019 at 4:13 PM, TryTheBeal! said:

I predict Pizza Ranch will be bankrupt by 2023.

 

I predict sales will start out strong and Kirk will coin a catch phrase...then upon re-upping Cousins to a larger contract, his acting will deteriorate, specifically during prime time ads. 

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6 hours ago, Malapropismic Depository said:

 

not merely hurt, but IR'd

 

Vikes are playing the long game, keep Doctson fresh, on IR, until the December playoff push.

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Just to lighten the mood siince it's depressing to be a Skins fan this week lol...some twitter responses to Kirk's Pizza Ranch commercials--between his trying to cook steaks on a cold grill, his horrid start to the season, and these commercials, I'm almost starting to feel sorry for the dude. Almost...I haven't forgotten that Kirk always seems to start slow each season so I expect him to get back on track this week and/or next:

 

 

Thanks to Kirk Cousins, Pizza Ranch will be adding turnovers to the buffet.
 
 
Kirk Cousins would star in a Pizza Ranch commercial. Dude is the Pizza Ranch of quarterbacks.
 
 
Aaron Rodgers did Pizza Hut commercials... Kirk Cousins does Pizza Ranch...
This seems shockingly accurate.
 
 
These Kirk Cousins Pizza Ranch commercials make me really uncomfortable.
 
 
Aaron Rodgers: State Farm
Eli Manning: Citizen watches
Tom Brady: Aston Martin
Drew Brees: Nike
 
Kirk Cousins: ...Pizza Ranch.
 
 
Kirk Cousins is starring in tv ads for Pizza Ranch and someone could probably come up with a more perfect symbiosis of glaring mediocrity but I'm not sure how.

 

 

 

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Holy ****, he has an entire history of cringe lol...didn't get clearance to show the Skins emblem, though.

 

 

 

 

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I'm DREADING the game against Minnesota, because I KNOW that Kirk is going to get well in that game against our sorry defense.  Kirk saw this defense in practice every single day, and let's be honest, it hasn't really changed much since he left.  Some of the players have changed, but the scheme hasn't.  

 

MAYBE Kirk torching the 'Skins is the straw that broke the camel's back , Dan and Bruce get so mad they lose their minds and fire everybody after the game?

 

Honestly, I could really see that happening.  

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@Califan007 No doubt Kirk is corny and cheesy, can't say I've ever seen that disputed, even by veryoldschool.shtick.

 

I'm not sure what it's like your way, but here in Washington, cringeworthy commercials and radio spots are a 'thing' and have been for a very long time.  It kind of started with Eastern Motors "where yo job's yo credit" and has taken off from there.  I gather the strategy is to make the commercials so bad, people have to talk about them.  Cyprus Air and Paisano's pizza have kind of taken the torch on that front.  Cyprus Air did a few with Alex Smith last year as well.  I'd love to know the #'s on how much these local companies pay the athletes.  Because I can't grasp how players making millions every year think its worth their time to shoot these commercials.

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I actually like the commercials LOL. They do remind me of eastern moters and I loved those too. 

 

6 minutes ago, BatteredFanSyndrome said:

Because I can't grasp how players making millions every year think its worth their time to shoot these commercials.

 

Let me know if you ever figure that one out! 

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22 minutes ago, BatteredFanSyndrome said:

Because I can't grasp how players making millions every year think its worth their time to shoot these commercials.

 

13 minutes ago, Llevron said:

Let me know if you ever figure that one out! 

 

The spotlight ?

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20 minutes ago, Llevron said:

I actually like the commercials LOL. They do remind me of eastern moters and I loved those too. 

 

 

Let me know if you ever figure that one out! 

Oh I don't hate them, the corny and cheap quality is what gives them their charm.  Just wondered if it was a DC thing or if they do this everywhere.

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