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Need advice on situation with my son


brandymac27

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So just to give you a little background, my 16 yo son is in 10th grade, an honor student, part of the National Honor Society, 3.8 GPA, he's taking calculus and physics classes at UNCG because he placed way out of the normal HS classes

He also is an athlete. He made varsity football as a CB last year as a freshman and started , but he has put on weight and is now a starting OLB as sophmore. His coaches love him along with his teachers, and he's already had numerous college coaches trying to recruit him. Not to mention, along with working a part time job at CookOut for extra spending money he's winning state conferences in track too. Specifically the 400 hurdles, high jump, and long jump.

Having said all this, one of the college recruiters, a coach from a VERY well known college, called him a dirty "N word " ( he's biracial) when my son told him he wanted to graduate with his friends (they've been telling him he can graduate and play football early) .

Well I don't appreciate what this idiot called my son! Who do I report this to? I'm not letting this fool get away with this! My son has every right to be respected and wait to graduate if that's what the wants, but how dare he call him that!

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Breathe. Take a step back from it for a second. 

 

Sure the recruiter was ignorant ( there is a better way to say the same thing) and likely not a school that you would want him to attend... He was likely trying to push your son to see how he took it. 

In an odd way he seemingly was trying to compliment your son on his current situation and get him to the next level. 

 

Question: How did your son respond to the remark ? 

A lot of that stuff is to see how people think about things. 

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I disagree with kosh here. You don't just call someone the n word to see how they'd react.

I would send an email to the coach in question, cc the head coach and the ad, and let them know why your son won't be attending that school. Unless the two of you decode he still wants to go there...then you should have a one on one with that coach.

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Wow. You have what sounds one super kid there Dave. To fit in time to be working, along with all his athletic and academic commitments (Honors Student! Wish I was ever that super smart way back when)..... fantastic. And you were worried a whiles back on your influence? You must be REAL proud of him and he's a glowing reflection of you. 

 

As regards the Coach ..... Why a complete dick! I take the complete opposite view of KH. That's not my idea of finding out/ testing kids at all. That's being highly derogatory and completely out of order for a person in his position to throw around. (Or anyone with much of ANY decency. What year is this again ..... ?). My personal initial reaction in that situation would be to formally complain to the school concerned. But I'd temper that by saying I don't know how it works over there and whether that may effect your boys chances of being offered something by more reputable schools. (The recruiters network looking out for each other maybe if this A-hole got sanctioned.). 

 

But then by the sounds of it, with the great promise he's shown in his age group, he'll get recruited by someone and he'll make the very best out of it he possibly can. 

 

It's a tough call and your boy needs to be involved in it naturally as he's at stake here (although I'm sure you've discussed this with him); but I wouldn't be standing for that abuse (and let's be honest, there's no other way of terming that however flippant anyone wants to be about it) of my child from someone who SHOULD know far better. The macho game B/S is just that. 

 

Hail. 

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Breathe. Take a step back from it for a second.

Sure the recruiter was ignorant ( there is a better way to say the same thing) and likely not a school that you would want him to attend... He was likely trying to push your son to see how he took it.

In an odd way he seemingly was trying to compliment your son on his current situation and get him to the next level.

Question: How did your son respond to the remark ?

A lot of that stuff is to see how people think about things.

What in the absolute **** are you on about?

...are you trolling?

You have to be.

Do you go around calling ppl racial slurs in hopes of testing their mettle?

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Kosher, my son actually took the high road. He told him he appreciated his interest in him, but again, he prefers to graduate HS when he's supposed to with his teammates and friends.

I'm the one who's SERIOUSLY pissed over this. If you're a head coach at a very well known (football speaking) college, you should be ASHAMED of yourself for talking to a 16 year old like that who is literally busting his ass to keep his grades up, do well in sports and work!

Is this what the college recruitment process is all about? If it is, this **** is for the birds, and I don't want him to be a part of it. He'll get an academic scholarship regardless, but he wants to play football more than anything. But frankly, if this is how he's gonna be treated now, and I'm assuming when he gets to whichever college he chooses, I'm gonna recommend SERIOUSLY that he take academic scholarships over football.

I'm just saying if you treat him disrespectfully now, how are you gonna treat him when he's a part of a team that you're supposed to be a leader of?

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Brandy, i was never recruited by a d1 school lol

But i do work with kids and adults that are involved in the process. ..this is not a normal part of the process.

Thank you

I don't even understand why this needed to be clarified.

And I'm not trying to be confrontational or anything but damn guys. That's bad. Real bad. Real real real bad.

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I disagree with kosh here. You don't just call someone the n word to see how they'd react.

I would send an email to the coach in question, cc the head coach and the ad, and let them know why your son won't be attending that school. Unless the two of you decode he still wants to go there...then you should have a one on one with that coach.

That's the thing. This is the head coach that actually made the comments. The LB coach and D coordinator were very understanding and respectful (told him to keep up the good work, etc).

So if the HC is behaving inappropriately, who is the next person up the chain of command?

I'm honestly thinking about taking a road trip and demanding to speak to the president/ Dean. I have emails and my son has a voicemail with him also as proof of his behavior.

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That's the thing. This is the head coach that actually made the comments. The LB coach and D coordinator were very understanding and respectful (told him to keep up the good work, etc).

So if the HC is behaving inappropriately, who is the next person up the chain of command?

I'm honestly thinking about taking a road trip and demanding to speak to the president/ Dean. I have emails and my son has a voicemail with him also as proof of his behavior.

Do it

Call the AD

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Brandy, i was never recruited by a d1 school lol

But i do work with kids and adults that are involved in the process. ..this is not a normal part of the process.

I'm no genius, but I kind of assumed that (not trying to be a smart ass). My thing is I wanna know who to go to? The Dean? The NCAA? Where do I take this?

I'm dead serious, if nothing is done, and he isn't reprimanded for this, I will drive the 12 hours to that school and do something I'll probably end up in jail over.

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I need to make sure this idiot coach doesn't have any kind of pull over whoever I go to. That's why I'm asking for advice. Specifically who to speak with that will definitely do something about this.

The dean.

It's 2016. If you can prove this happened, they'll kiss your ass to make sure you get what you want and don't sue their balls off

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Wow. You have what sounds one super kid there Dave. To fit in time to be working, along with all his athletic and academic commitments (Honors Student! Wish I was ever that super smart way back when)..... fantastic. And you were worried a whiles back on your influence? You must be REAL proud of him and he's a glowing reflection of you.

Hail.

Thanks Lucy. I've only done what any mom would do for their kids. He deserves all the credit! He truly is a great kid (I should say young man to be honest).

He's been through so much with me and his dad divorcing and other things, and it kills me to see him being disrespected like that. Especially knowing how hard he works. This is a kid who volunteers on the weekend at the Boys and Girls club to help coach the Pop Warner football team and at the YMCA teaching swimming lessons to kids when he's not working. He also tutors other kids in math and science at home or their houses when he has time too. He's just an all around good kid, and as his mother, I couldn't be more proud.

Having said that, you mess with my kids, you mess with me. I REFUSE to let this **** get away with this!

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Well, it's from a different field, but every time someone has a bad customer service experience with Comcast, they seem to send it to ArsTechnica, since going to higher ups seems to do nothing.

 

I guess the equivalent would be sending the proof to ESPN.

 

Of course, that's the nuclear option.  If you don't want to go quite that far, the Dean or President is probably the right individual person.  Even if they defer to the hc most of the time because football is campus king, they can't ignore such a scandal, they'll either act on their own or go to people who can and make it happen.  It would probably be one of the few things that could interrupt the 24/7 Trump coverage in the national news cycle if such a story got out there.  Even if you don't want to go that far, the threat it might should be enough to get the school to swiftly take some sort of action.

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The dean.

It's 2016. If you can prove this happened, they'll kiss your ass to make sure you get what you want and don't sue their balls off

Yeah I think the Dean is a good place to start. The thing is I don't want anything other than an apology to my son from that ****! I also hope that this will stop him from speaking to other kids like this in the future.

If this is how he talks to HS kids when he doesn't get his way or is upset, I can't imagine how he treats the players on his team! But at least I understand now why so many people who come out of that school seem to always get in trouble. They have a seriously ****ty role model for a coach. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise because I don't want my son to have any part of this crap!

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The AD makes sense, but if you really want to get the coach's attention (esp. if he's a big time coach) file a complaint with the NCAA. The only caution I give is that it's a small world. When you complain, word will get around. People will either rally for your son or stay away for fear of being with a "complainer."

 

I think you are right to complain. A person who works with kids should not use that kind of language. If he used it there and it came out naturally it wasn't the first time and I bet he uses it elsewhere including on the practice field.

 

Edit: And wow, from your description that is one great kid. Works, volunteers, grades, sports... you should be really proud. Smart and a good person too.

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You've raised a fine young man, Brandy.   He deserves so much better from those trying to recruit him.

 

 

 

The AD is probably already aware of this issue, it's probably come up before in the HC's tenure there.  (And big time college football being what it is, you know the cover-ups that some will try...Penn State is the worst example.)   You may have to GO BIG.  

The Dean is top dog...but if people from that school are always in trouble, he's probably some back-woods knucklehead who just rolls along with the money his school's football program brings in.

 

If you can get in touch with one of your local sports journalists, either paper or network, they can do the legwork/research for you and, if necessary, take it to the public.  You may be able to stay out of the fray & still get results. 

 

Best of luck...please keep us updated! 

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