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SBNation: Cocaine, illiteracy and football could not stop Dexter Manley


MattFancy

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http://www.sbnation.com/2015/6/23/8713273/dexter-manley

 


It's a warm spring day and Dexter Manley bounds out of the office and jumps into his boss's truck like a kid heading to the playground. As the new director of marketing for Rockville, Md.,-based CE Construction Services, he'll be paying visits to both potential and current clients, and I'm along for the ride.

 

"Where's my wallet?" he asks, after we leave the office.

 

It's a question he'll ask multiple times throughout the day, even after it's determined that he left his wallet in his own car. After surgeries to remove a quarter-sized cyst in his brain, his short-term memory isn't the greatest.

 

Manley is wearing khaki pants, a button-down shirt, boots and a sweater, a curious outfit considering the day's 80-degree temperature.

 

"I always wear a sweater," he says, wiping the sweat off of his brow. "It's preppy."

Manley also wears red socks every day of his life. Sometimes they have a pattern, but mostly they are solid red, dozens of pairs of them lining his sock drawer like a monochromatic army of cotton footwear.

 

It's not that red is his favorite color, or even that they match the rest of his wardrobe. To the former NFL star, the red socks are a symbol of how far he has come. Twenty-four years of drug addiction, 38 visits to various rehab facilities, homelessness, four arrests and years of jail time defined him for so long. Now, nine years sober, those socks remind him of his journey.

 

"Abraham Lincoln said we have the power to change our condition," says Dexter. "And I use the red socks as a symbol, as the power to change my condition. It's a symbol of changing one state from darkness to light."

 

As we visit with various clients, it's easy to see why he has found success in sales and marketing. His imposing size is balanced out by his engaging smile and a laugh that is equal parts giggle and high-pitched cackle. It's one of those laughs that you can't help but laugh along with.

 

"You guys don't have one of these," he says good-naturedly as he shows off one of his two Super Bowl rings to an Eagles fan client. He then charms him with with an NFL story before taking picture with him.

 

"I met someone in the bathroom I want to introduce you to," he says at lunch before bringing over a fan and introducing him to us all as if we were the ones to meet.

 

"So when do we get started," he says, more statement than question, to a potential client who had yet to commit to a contract.

 

Throughout the day, Manley proves through charm, wit and a winning smile that he's a very hard man to say no to. He's also naturally curious, and often times ends up interviewing me about my life, career and family. It's a trick he uses to connect with people, and his wife Lydia says that he's always been very adept at reading others because of it.

 

"Dexter has this way of learning about people, sometimes without them knowing it," says his wife, Lydia Manley. "People are just drawn to him and he really connects with people."

 

Manley and Lydia went to the same high school, but didn't become friends until 1988 when Manley invited her to a Monday Night Football game in San Francisco while she was living in Silicon Valley. At the time, Manley was married to his second wife and while fidelity wasn't his strong suit, both insist that they remained just friends until eventually getting married almost 10 long, hard years later.

 

Really good read. Kinda long, but worth your time.

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That's a fantastic read.  Dexter certainly has come a long way!

 

The Toronto and Ottawa Sun ran a couple stories 3 years ago  on these very topics.  Always a powerful read.

 

Being a Skins fan all my life up here in Canada, Manley and Mann were two I loved to watch terrorizing QB's every week.  It was totally weird seeing him in Phoenix and Tampa.

 

When he got his life time ban in the NFL, he got a second chance up here in Ottawa, my hometown, in 1992.  I, myself, was thrilled....."The Secretary of Defense" was on his way.  It just wasn't meant to be.  Ottawa was a **** show.  There was no chance to succeed.  He was 33 years old, the team was garbage, the stadium was garbage, the owner was garbage, the coaches were garbage.  I think he was making $70-80,000 a year, which was great money for the CFL back then.

 

Needless to say, this dude helped me become the Redskins fan I am today, with his on the field play.  I loved watching him.  I had the big mesh crappy "72" jersey, the posters on my bedroom wall, and pre internet and Sunday ticket, I couldn't wait for the next Redskins game to be back on TV.  I have a 3 year old Ibizan Hound named Dexter.

 

All the best of health and stay good my man.  I am proud of what you're doing!

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A scan taken at the hospital showed that the cyst had grown to the size of a quarter. He was taken to Georgetown Hospital where he underwent brain surgery to remove most of the cyst. A second surgery months later completed the process.

When the cyst disappeared, so did all of Manley's urges. He has remained sober ever since, and says he doesn't struggle with temptation. Multiple doctors have told him that the cyst was located in the part of the brain associated with impulse control. His therapist believes that the cyst itself was the root of his addiction.

Man, that brings up some huge what ifs...

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I used to work at a car dealership where Dexter would have his car fixed. He was one of the nicest guys I have ever met. Never had that better then you attitude that you see with some modern pro athletes. We had many conversations about football. Mostly defensive philosophy and how they could help my coaching. He was definitely illiterate as I would normally have to read his receipt to him. But he is genuinely a nice person. Glad to see his life is heading in the right direction.

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6th grade, went to the gym with my Mom at the Worldgate in Herndon.  I was playing basketball (tall for my age) and was asked to play pickup because they needed even teams.  There was this big black dude there who was wearing a white tshirt, completely soaked with sweat, running up and down the court playing harder than everyone else, hollering at everyone, smiling the whole time.  He was as nice as could be.

 

My mom came down to the basketball court to check on me and pulled me over, her eyes were big as saucers and whispered to me "That's Dexter Manley!!!"

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Thats kind of crazy, and very interesting from both a science and personal viewpoint...

Reminds me of the many cases where a physical injury has altered personalities. That said, I think for most addicts it's not so simple but it is both great(in simplicity) that it was a physical issue and sad that a cyst may have been such a terrible detriment to the man's life.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Reminds me of the argument about do you cheer the sweater, or the player, so to speak. I think for me, and probably for most, at least of our generation, you cheered the player in the sweater, and then later the sweater (the frequency with which fan's join the hate train, and side with management whenever there are issues between a player and a team suggest as much) alone. I know I used to play sports with friends of all manner and we'd keep score by just referencing redskin players #'s. When we played our moronic version of tennis (10 points, green and white in, 2 bounces, obviously not tennis lol), if it was 5-1, it was Monte Coleman, if it was 7-4, it was Markus Koch, if it was 3-5, it was Keith Griffin etc. There was a deep connection, even to guys as obscure as Mark Stock, or Willard Reeves. 

 

Now it's just very, very, very impersonal. Different game. I remember when I heard about Dexter's phone call about his ashes in RFK and I felt so so so bad for the guy, and a lot of love for a guy whose passion and sense of loss found one measure of connection in that field where his brothers played beside him, and his fans cheered him on. I'll never forget the guy, from leading the total domination of David Woodley's Dolphins in XVII (zero completions in the second half, ZERO!), to his immortal line from the sidelines after Sanders 80 yard TD to open the 2nd quarter in the Super Bowl XXII Yearbook, "Yes Sir, we're coming back, we're gonna do it." Really so happy to see things are okay now, and that what was causing him this nightmare is over kind of like Phineas Gage.

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