How to be a Good Republican

[skinsfan913]

HOW TO BE A GOOD REPUBLICAN

1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's gasoline prices are all Clinton's fault.

2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.

4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.

5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.

6. You have to believe everything Rush Limbaugh says.

7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.

8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.

9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.

10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.

11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.

13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.

14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

15. You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.

16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.

18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.

[luckydevil]

Another stupid thread.

[Larry]

Are those the best you can come up with?

[luckydevil]

Republicans and Democrats are both frauds.

We can do a thread about republican hypocrisy all day, we could do it with democrats as well.

[Zen-like Todd]

Did you write that yourself? It's kinda lame. I could do much better.

[Larry]

For example, how about:

You must believe that the problem of teen pregnancy is caused by excessive knowledge, and that if you forbid people to tell kids that condoms exist, then things will get safer.

(By a similar reasoning, if you forbid people to tell kids that gays exist, then you can prevent homosexuality.)

You must believe that OSHA is an intolerable intrusion of the government into private industry, but spending millions of tax dollars to buy land and give it to a business (if it's a big business) is a legitimate government function.

[endzone_dave]

Originally posted by luckydevi

Republicans and Democrats are both frauds.

Exactly. Unfortunately only a very small percentage of people truly believe that.

[@DCGoldPants]

hasn't that list been up here 50 times already? Then the one of the Dems comes out. Both are dumb and we move on.

[endzone_dave]

Originally posted by CrankyTodd

Did you write that yourself? It's kinda lame. I could do much better.

I thought #16 was well done, although I would have left President Clinton out of it.

[codeorama]

Originally posted by luckydevi

Republicans and Democrats are both frauds.

:cheers:

I second that!!

[Ghost of]

Larry, just a note about sex ed(not saying it's an exact causal relationship) but it was initially instituted(over many objections) in public schools(where you must do what THEY say and learn what THEY teach) NOT to prevent pregnancy and STDs but to increase sexual awareness. There are quotes by some of the original proponents that demonstrate that the STD/pregnancy angle was a cover excuse.

The problem is, like most 'liberal' solutions, is the STD and pregnancy rate skyrocketed after the institution of sex ed. Now, I think most of that is a cultural shift, but part of the cultural shift was sex ed. So, the shift is responsible, but the fact is the "education" has done little to ameliorate the crisis that once did not exist, but then started to exist after the alleged solution.

Uh, confused? lol

[Tarhog]

Of course I can only speak for myself, but I spent years mired in dreadful celibacy until 7th grade finally came around, and I FINALLY got the instruction manual! Thank you Mrs. Jamison! Thank You!!!!

Hey GOWR.....I really enjoy your posts....keep it up!

[ross3909]

Cute. Which unelectable candidate is representing the Democrates in 04 again... Is it the Sharpton Reporation campaign or is it the Dean "open all the boarders and dismantle the military" group. You better be nice to us Republicans, it is going to be our crumbs that you will have to live off of till 08. :-)

[FROSTY28]

If Dubya gets re-elected, we'll all be living off crumbs in 2008.

[Zen-like Todd]

Originally posted by FROSTY28

If Dubya gets re-elected, we'll all be living off crumbs in 2008.

I'll take non sequiturs for $1000, Alex.

[FROSTY28]

I forgot. You have to explain jokes (and most other things) to Republicans.

[Zen-like Todd]

Originally posted by FROSTY28

I forgot. You have to explain jokes (and most other things) to Republicans.

1) I'm not a Republican.

2) You are unbelievably stupid.

3) It's ok, you can admit that you don't know what a non sequitur is.

4) If that's your idea of comedy, you should never tell another joke as long as you live.

[FROSTY28]

Post #1 -- "You better be nice to us Republicans, it is going to be our crumbs that you will have to live off of till 08."

Post #2 -- "If Dubya gets re-elected, we'll all be living off crumbs in 2008."

There, I spelled it out for you.

[Zen-like Todd]

Originally posted by FROSTY28

Post #1 -- "You better be nice to us Republicans, it is going to be our crumbs that you will have to live off of till 08."

Post #2 -- "If Dubya gets re-elected, we'll all be living off crumbs in 2008."

There, I spelled it out for you.

Non Sequitur -An inference or conclusion that does not follow from the premises or evidence.

Considering the typical business cycle, and the fact that we're entering a period of expansion, its a silly statement to make. But of course, you've never let reason or logic get in your way.

ross was funny... you were just sad.

[Ghost of]

CT

But you forget, under Republicans the people are always starving, the homeless appear from nowhere to dominate daily news stories, cats and dogs don't like each other and hot chicks don't go out with you.

Under democrats, we never are involved in wars, sell out our allies to evil regimes, undermine our own security, destroy the black family unit or lose our jobs.

[FROSTY28]

"Considering the typical business cycle, and the fact that we're entering a period of expansion, its a silly statement to make. But of course, you've never let reason or logic get in your way."

Yeah, you're not a Republican.

[Zen-like Todd]

Frosty has two keys on his special Fisher-Price keyboard.

1) OMG, BUSH SUXORS!

2) YUO EVL REPUBRICAN ****!

[Ghost of]

FROSTY--have you heard of Constitutionalists, Anarcho-Capitalists or Libertarians or even old-school Democrats?

I'm guessing not, because then you'd, like, have knowledge and stuff.

Why are our worst posters and the quickest with the stupid insults typically from the left of the spectrum(and no I'm not saying all, Kurp, Larry and Ancalagon are quality posters)

[Ancalagon the Black]

But you forget, under Republicans the people are always starving, the homeless appear from nowhere to dominate daily news stories, cats and dogs don't like each other and hot chicks don't go out with you.

Under democrats, we never are involved in wars, sell out our allies to evil regimes, undermine our own security, destroy the black family unit or lose our jobs.

Never a truer post writ.

...except for the hot chicks part.......sometimes they seek me out to protect them from Republican horrors....too many ellipses.....been reading too many fansince62 posts....

[aREDSKIN]

Let the little Dems/liberals/socialist/communists have there 1st grade temper tantrums. You know they have been resoundly beat at the polls of late and that's their way of rationalizing their, devoid of even 1 micron of substance, policies. The electorate have spoken. It's quite entertaining to see if you ask me.