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10 Things Men Can Do To End Men's Violence Against Women


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we need a list of ten things women can do to stop violence against women. number one has to be stop seeking out ass holes. number two is stop going back to ass holes that abuse you. You guys finish the rest.comedian James Hannah said 'I never saw a quiet woman get choked' maybe that is in the list somewhere.....jk

Post of the year candidate. Thank you.

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8. Stop supporting the notion that men's violence against women is due to mental illness, lack of anger management skills, chemical dependency, stress, ect… Violence against women is rooted in the historic oppression of women and the outgrowth of the socialization of men.

While I do agree with this to some extent, I have to say that the dudes I do know that have hit their women, are jacked up in the head...

I was pretty much raised by women (Mother and three older sisters) so I know better not to hit them. I was also surrounded by men who showed me how to be a man. How to be responsible, take authority when you need to, listen when you need to, etc. etc.

At the same time, women need to be responsible as well...

 

we need a list of ten things women can do to stop violence against women. number one has to be stop seeking out ass holes. number two is stop going back to ass holes that abuse you. You guys finish the rest.

Major Harris is so right. I don't know how many times I had to talk to a girl, and as I got older, woman, who was being abused but just didn't leave the relationship. I did understand the times when children were involved and you try to work it out for their sakes. But at the end of the day, you gotta know when to call it quits in order to protect yourself and your children.

 

Overall, I am a non-violent person. I don't like to fight period. I rather sit down and have a nice civil conversation. Fighting rarely solves anything... Um just saying...

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The crazy thing is my ex-GF started smacking me and hitting me towards the end of our relationship.  It got to the point where she started doing it out in public in front of my friends and they would comment on her doing it.  I never hit her back nor would I ever but I promise you it took every ounce of patients I had to not put her head through a wall.  At some point society needs to acknowledged that women are just as capable of violence against men as we're against women.

I was in a relationship like that too!  **** was unreal.  There were times when I was pushed to the point of wanting to fight.

I tried ending that relationship about 5 times.  But we always ended up back together b/c she'd apologize, etc, and "swear she'd stop.".

Then one day I just put my foot down and didn't take her back when she wanted to "try again" like all the other times.

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I think we can all agree that most violent crimes against persons are perpetrated by men, no?

Yes, but your list very clearly say "Acknowledge and understand how sexism, male dominance and male privilege lay the foundation for all forms of violence against women", and in my opinion is the biggest load of crap I've seen posted in a while.  Using that statement, a woman who attacks another woman isn't responsible for that attack -- men are. That bit of misandry is every bit as destructive as misogyny is. This notion ignores the facts that domestic violence is a two way street.  Between 600,000 and 6,000,000 women per year are the victims of domestic abuse, while 100,000 and 6,000,000 men are the victims of domestic abuse. 

 

Answer this: how many women have open hand slapped the man they are in a relationship with? Is that domestic abuse? Now if a man open hand slaps the woman he is in a relationship with, is that domestic abuse? Why is slapping a man acceptable for a woman, but no vice versa? Emotional abuse/control is now considered the same as physical abuse. Why is a woman using their children and/or the threat of child support not considered emotional abuse? Why are the courts stacked so severely against men when it comes to custody and visitation rights?

 

I'm sorry, these white and black lists do nothing to further the debate or find solution. They simply blame someone else. 

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You know what? It would be interesting to see how man cases of domestic violence happen when either person is intoxicated...

That was my point in my post.  It doesn't excuse my behavior, but I'm 4'10" and ex-military.  He knew that.  I even went to the extreme of giving myself a 2-day raging headache (hangover notwithstanding,lol) to defend myself.  I was in no way in fear for my life...have never been there, and I'll never assume that I know what another woman is going through when she is. 

But then again, being ex-Navy, I'm prepared to defend myself anywhere.  Taking self defense courses is helpful for any female who doesn't know defensive maneuvers.  It doesn't mean you learn how to kick ass, you just learn to protect yours, learn how to just take his knee out, etc, so you've got time to get away.

2) Then call your brother.  :D

3) Sell tickets. :D

 

P.S.  No one was harmed during this posting. :lol:

 

*edit*  If I hit a man with a fist, I've got what's coming.  Admitted. 

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My list:

 

1. Stop being annoying

2. Have my slippers and dinner ready when I walk through the door

3. Stay sexy

4. Do not speak to me during a Washington Football club game

 

I think that just about covers it.

You forgot - bring me a beer BEFORE I have to ask for one, and make sure it's cold.

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Yes, but your list very clearly say "Acknowledge and understand how sexism, male dominance and male privilege lay the foundation for all forms of violence against women", and in my opinion is the biggest load of crap I've seen posted in a while.  Using that statement, a woman who attacks another woman isn't responsible for that attack -- men are. That bit of misandry is every bit as destructive as misogyny is. This notion ignores the facts that domestic violence is a two way street.  Between 600,000 and 6,000,000 women per year are the victims of domestic abuse, while 100,000 and 6,000,000 men are the victims of domestic abuse. 

 

Answer this: how many women have open hand slapped the man they are in a relationship with? Is that domestic abuse? Now if a man open hand slaps the woman he is in a relationship with, is that domestic abuse? Why is slapping a man acceptable for a woman, but no vice versa? Emotional abuse/control is now considered the same as physical abuse. Why is a woman using their children and/or the threat of child support not considered emotional abuse? Why are the courts stacked so severely against men when it comes to custody and visitation rights?

 

I'm sorry, these white and black lists do nothing to further the debate or find solution. They simply blame someone else. 

This. Couple years back my ex-wife decided to get greedy and file for child support. I had my kid 1/2 the time, paid all health insurance, and half the after school care. Ex decided that wasn't enough, and though we made the same per hour, I got bonuses at a job I held at the time. She filed for support, I got laid off the next week. Now my income is significantly lower, and the court decided I was eligible to receive support from her. Never would have sought it out, but damn that, I decided she should see how if feels.

The only application they had available asked questions such as: "did you have unprotected sex with any other men around the time of conception", "when did I have my last period in relation to conception" and "what did the father say when you told him you were pregnant".

 

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Abuse is a habit passed down by abusers. Blaming all  men for the crimes of the minority is no better than blaming all Muslims for the sins of crazy radicals.    And it isn't a behavior bred in sexism either.   It's a despicable, violent act perpetrated by lowlife scum. 

 

If there is anything to be done, it's for men to raise their daughters to be confident proud women.   I've worked hard to instill those traits in my girls. They don't take crap from any boy.   They have high self esteem.   If a guy gets out of line, they have no issues walking away.   They know that if a guy screws up in any way, it's his loss, not theirs.  They also know they can come to me to handle the problem.   They'll always be able to walk away and have somewhere to go.

 

And women who go back to abusers and don't press charges are perpetuators of the problem.    They don't stop the abuser and their kids get raised to either be abusers or be abused.  Maybe the system isn't swift enough to intervene, making it tough to break free. 

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And women who go back to abusers and don't press charges are perpetuators of the problem.    They don't stop the abuser and their kids get raised to either be abusers or be abused.  Maybe the system isn't swift enough to intervene, making it tough to break free. 

 

I can attest to that. Experiencing what I did left me with a lot of anger. A lot. It eventually snowballed, and grew to where it basically became a shadow. Hatred towards men. Hatred towards women. Hatred towards myself for not speaking up, thinking that my life would have been loads better if I had done so.

 

The last thing that it becomes is hatred towards everyday life, and people you don't even know. Pretty much hatred towards everything, and losing the ability to forgive... Feeling that, in some ways, you were robbed of a normal childhood, dealing with a nasty divorce, and domestic violence (for years) afterwards, and being sworn to secrecy, and not finding a way to let it out. That leads to a hair trigger personality, where just even the slightest bit of stress can bring all those memories flooding back.

 

Everyday I'd mask it and pretend like nothing was wrong, but as the years went by, it was pretty much like magma rising up out of a volcano. And it spills over into every part of your life, creating more and more problems. That's generally how family cycles are started. It becomes a cycle of violence, that can lead to murder/suicide, if left unchecked. Thankfully for me, once I reached a fork in the road, I made the decision to change, but far too often, many people just carry that with them and spend the rest of their miserable lives taking it out on others.

 

I agree with you, and commend you for what you mentioned in the other part of your post about raising your kids right. That's where you, as an individual, can make the biggest difference when it comes to domestic violence... Building a strong foundation, so they can 1) avoid it (or handle it properly if they encounter it anyway) , and 2) help someone else who may be experiencing it, so that person can help another person down the road, who can help another, etc etc.

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