codeorama Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Well, after my wife of 10 years left me, it took me a little while to get back on my feet. Not because she was any big loss, but I was worried about gaining custody of my son. Long story short, I did and she is not in his life much at all. She moved away. So, here’s my crazy ass experiences with women over the past 5 years. All of this is true. Shortly after my divorce, I ran into a woman that I had a crazy crush on while I was married. She was a principal, I was an admin for another department in the division. I made every excuse to go visit her. She was married too (and younger, this will be a theme) I would never cheat, so it was just a dumb thing to have a crush on her but it is what it is. So, we are both working out at the gym, I hadn’t seen her in 2 years. She comes right up and we are chatting away, she asks me out, (she’s divorced too now), says “lets go get some drinks together”. Me, being the naive (repeating theme) guy that I am didn’t realize that she meant as a date, so I said, hey, lets do a play date with our kids. She had 2 boys, I have 1, they are all around the same age. So, we do lots of play dates, hell, we got to malls several times almost like a family. I’m a dumb ass, I never take the next step. However, the reason I didn’t was because the more I got to know her, I didn’t like how she treated her kids. She did not mistreat them, but she was now a college professor and was all about her job. She loved her kids, but it didn’t seem as if they were first. We started doing things together less and less, then 6 months passed. She gets married. My instincts were correct. Something was up. Next, I go on a field trip with my son. Another teacher’s son is in the same class, she’s on the field trip to. She introduces herself and gives me her phone number. She’s cute, smart etc... My son hates her son. He’s kind of hyper and annoying. Oh well.... Another teacher I work with at a previous school starts getting friendly. I ask her to help me with a fund raising letter for my baseball team (she teaches English) and after that, she comes and talks to me a lot. She’s very cute, half hispanic, just the right amount of junk in the trunk, outgoing, younger... (here we go again). So, She starts texting me a lot, I’m a nice guy, I’m funny, but, I just have a weird feeling, I never follow through. Now, she’s living with another guy who worked in the school system and they have a kid. A friend introduces me to a woman that I’m totally attracted to. My friend brings her to see my band play. We hit it off, she’s perfect. I’m so in. Then, I find out she’s divorced and I know her husband. He was a volunteer at the little league where I also helped at from time to time, he had to be removed as a volunteer when his criminal background check came back. He’s a crack head, violent, lots of bad stuff... Not going there... This may be the worst one... A girl I was friends with in HS and is a facebook friend moved to a beach area about an hour away. I sent a message asking why she moved there and how she liked it. Honestly just interested. Its a tourist area, I’ve never known anyone that lived there. She explains and says “why don’t you bring your son down and my daughter and I can entertain you guys, we can do some fun stuff like play mini golf etc...”.... SO, being the naive guy that I am, I said, if you are serious, call me, she did, I was convinced it was legit and what could go wrong?? So, we drive down there, my son is pumped. We get there and while her daughter and my son play video games etc, we talk and we get along, just watching them and chatting. Then, after about an hour and a half, I ask if we can take them to go play mini golf, she says its her daughter’s bed time (its about 8:30pm), my son doesn’t go to be that early, so, I proceed to watch her try to tire my son out for the next 30 minutes. Again, I’m naive, I don’t realize what’s happening. Finally, I get a text message from her telling me what she’s going to do to me. You’d think that I’d be like “hey son, go to bed” but it was the opposite. I literally pretended to try to put my son to bed in a spare bedroom. I whispered to him “We have to go, please say you want to go home”, he says “dad, I’m having a great time”. Bear in mind, she’s very attractive, nice body, but something just doesn’t seem right. I finally convince my son to help me. We leave, I keep getting text messages for about another hour, I apologize and say my son is sick. He doesn’t understand, and I can’t explain it to him. That leads to the next one... Facebook again. A woman who graduated one year ahead of me. She was a total hottie in HS. Hasn’t changed much, looks the same, just a few wrinkles. She hits me up on Facebook, sends me a message saying she thinks I seem like a nice guy, wants to know if I’d like to meet for drinks. So, I say yes. My son visits his mom for a week in July so I say, what the heck, I go out with her. She’s super nice, great looking, but, its just not making sense. She was married, never had kids, got divorced, no big deal, fairly normal. It changed for me when she asked if I was open to having another kid. I suck at math, but I figure, she’s nearing the end of her baby making abilities. Nope. Not happening. Now, truth is, I’d LOVE to have another child. I hate it that my son is an only child, but, I don’t want be be with someone because they are running out of time. So, in the course of conversation through the night, she gets drunk. She starts telling me about her ex BF and turns out he knows the girl my son and I visited and escaped from. Turns out she had herpes. Win for me... No longer had any feelings that I may have missed out on something. So, the date ends, she texts me later and says she’d love to go out again... I just said, sure, anytime... Here’s the last one of significance and I guess the one that made me post all of this. This summer, my son and I joined the neighborhood pool that I grew up going to. We had a great time. Will join again next summer. There was one woman I saw once, looked a little younger that my age from my guess, very cute. In short, I noticed her. The last 2 weeks of summer, there were a few slow days where only a few people were at the pool. One 12 year old girl befriended my son and I. She just kept hanging out with us over a 2 day period. One of here former teachers was a friend of mine. In the course of conversation, she mentioned that it was only her mom and her. Her dad was out of the picture. Without thinking, I replied that it was just my son and I. In my mind, I was just reassuring her that it was normal, not a big deal, we knew how she felt etc... The next day, the woman I noticed earlier in the summer came to the pool and sat near my son and I. I eventually realized that she was the mom. Long story short, over the course of the next 2 weeks, she’s at the pool daily, getting close, starting conversations with me. It was clear she was letting me know she was interested. Hell, you’re at the pool, just a bathing suit, nothing to hide behind and she’s interested. She’s attractive, has a great job, her daughter is a great kid. I’m just not interested. WTF is wrong with me. So, Friday morning, before school, I stop at 7-11 to get my son a donut before school. She happens to come in, I saw her, she saw me, we said Hi and that was it. Later Friday afternoon, I get a Facebook friend request and a message. Its her. She even comments she didn’t recognize me with clothes on and I looked great. Yikes. I suck, I just play along and am nice, but never ask her out. Just not interested. I’ve had others express interest as well, but nothing as entertaining. I think ultimately, I’m not happy with myself and I’m made so much progress that I’m not willing to settle. I don’t feel attractive (because of the weight) therefore I’m always skeptical. I am Type A, I am confident, I have a great personality and sense of humor, but I gotta love myself first. Getting closer.... This takes me to where I am now as I've posted in another thread. For the first time, there is someone I actually like a lot, but she's freaking 16 years younger. She's probably way more mature than me so I guess it evens out, but still. There's several other teachers at the school where I teach that are super cute as well. But damn, it's always something... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 This one is going to be great. I will indeed add some of mine from my ex. ...Just have to wait until she goes to sleep. Kidding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoCalMike Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I think this is a combination of a few things, but what jumps out immediately is maybe you just aren't ready to date yet. A few of these seems like you avoided a disaster waiting to happen, others it seems like you were just looking for excuses to not let things proceed. One thing I am not sure about is why you are involving your kid (and the other person's kid) in the process so early into it. I suppose if it involves someone's kid that already knows your kid, then fine. Otherwise you might want to think about getting a babysitter when you want to go out on a date, and really concentrate on getting to know the person and proceed from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DCSaints_fan Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 The Curse of a Casanova .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springfield Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 The older you get, the morre faulted they are. Truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingGibbs Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 It's okay Code. One word. Viagra. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 This too will get better. The fact you're picky is a good thing. Lots of people in your situation wouldn't be.. Glad you've got a sense of humor about it. One thing I found to be true when I was in your place.. the good shines through, and it'll attract the right one. Where's Special K? Sounds like y'all should talk ~Bang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TradeTheBeal! Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 As you get older and your sex drive becomes something you can control instead of vice versa, you are able to see women for the people that they actually are. It is rarely all that attractive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BRAVEONTHEWARPATH93 Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I'm only 20 and have no kids so I can't add much but it may be for the best to keep the kids out until after you decide she's worth your time. How you denied the one chick that was throwing you ***, I'll never know lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumbo Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 ummm...n/m lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I can't imagine being on the dating scene at this point in my life. I appreciated reading your post out if simple curiosity Look on the bright side at least you're in a position where you can meet women. Very few jobs that have as many options as a teacher would. But sounds a little like you get turned off pretty quickly when you're not the one in pursuit At the end of the day though do what makes you happy and what is best for your family. Nobody is looking out for your happiness except you As you get older and your sex drive becomes something you can control instead of vice versa, you are able to see women for the people that they actually are. It is rarely all that attractive. What is the people they really are then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipwhich Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 My late 30's divorced male employee's exact experience on match.com Almost all the women he dates from there, and there are many, are divorced, custody of kids, dates usually only 1 date and night ends with them wanting to have sex on first date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shanahan's Tan Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 You're a better man than me. If I were divorced, I'd be going WILD. I hope you find what you're looking for. Don't focus on women right now and focus on doing things that make you and your son happy. Accomplish some goals. Along the way you'll find that confidence and a nice woman that makes you happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 My late 30's divorced male employee's exact experience on match.com Almost all the women he dates from there, and there are many, are divorced, custody of kids, dates usually only 1 date and night ends with them wanting to have sex on first date. im still struggling with why thats a bad thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slateman Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Sounds kind of awesome to me. Just date and bang good looking women. What's the problem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DButz65 Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Just give women up, after I divorced my first wife (with no kids) because she cheated on me for 12 years, I vowed if It ever happens again I'll give up relationships/marriage for good. I remarried and now have a beautiful baby boy, I have told my current wife, if you ever cheat on me, the boy will be mine and you'll be gone lol and that would be the end of any more kids or girlfriends/wives for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrypticVillain Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 I don't have any advice, or anything to add in this thread. But I chuckled a couple of times, so thanks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsHokieFan Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 As you get older and your sex drive becomes something you can control instead of vice versa, you are able to see women for the people that they actually are. It is rarely all that attractive. As you get older and your sex drive becomes something you can control instead of vice versa, you are able to see women for the people that they actually are. It is rarely all that attractive. This is the freakin truth It is incredibly these days how picky I am with seemingly incredible women. I try not to be but the getting to know them process reveals quite a bit. Just knowing what I want is pretty helpful I think it is obvious why as an older guy it is "easier" to get sex, and part of that being the women you do go out with are much more comfortable and confident in themselves and don't have those younger hangups. I know I have said no more often then I have been shot down since my 5 year relationship ended last year. It has been interesting being on this side of the fence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rictus58 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 It honestly sounds like you have a problem with forward women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiggosMohawk Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 I am also a very divorced very single father, and can attest to 100% of the female craziness that Code details. And very much like he does, at the first sign of shadiness or trouble, they go out the door. With all the things involved in an adult parent's life, the last thing I need or want is more drama. My only advice to you Code is this: you need to find another pool to pee in. Sounds like you are hunting through co-workers, parents of kid's friends, etc... my ex and I were co-workers, and I am VERY VERY fortunate that we had an amicable breakup. Otherwise one of us is now employed elsewhere against their wishes. I am very wary of collateral damage from my relationships now, so no coworkers, no friends, and NO HOT MOMS of his friends... that last one is very very hard (pun intended) to obey sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sacase Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 I think the problem is Code. Not that is a bad thing, but he is clearly not ready to date, especially in these modern dating times. Women are forward, they are comfortable with their bodies and have no problems wanting sex, especially when they are older. However, what I think code fails to realize is that these women are not going to sit around waiting. If you are not having sex with them and you have been dating for a month, then they figure you are not interested in them. Yes, sex is a significant part of modern dating. I noticed how he would say, I thought something was up then 6 months later they were married/moved in with someone/ etc. No nothing was up except they wanted a man to commit to them and have a relationship. YOU were the problem. They are not going to just sit around and wait for you to determine if they are good enough for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeorama Posted September 23, 2013 Author Share Posted September 23, 2013 This is why I really miss being able to hang out on ES all day... So far, I've read all the responses and I agree with so many of you. There is no doubt, I'm not ready for what ever reason. I'm just like any other guy, there's times when I just would love to take advantage of a situation but for what ever reason, when I get there, I just feel so turned off by it. I don't have problems with aggressive women, its just that there's always something that turns me away. It's just my son and I and one thing that I have a hard time with is the idea of bringing someone else into the mix with him, without it being a good situation. I'm way cautious. I love my son like nothing else. He doesn't remember when his mother and I were married (she left when he was 2). In the past situations when I've done the play date thing, it was more or less to see if the situation was doable. With the first woman, I knew I was attracted to her, I knew I liked her, but I didn't know if my son would like her or her kids. I immediately felt as if she just wanted someone. Maybe anyone. She knew I was a great guy. I guess that's just not enough for me. I totally get that women today are more aggressive and more comfortable with themselves and I'm ok with that. To be honest, its nice, all the pressure isn't on the guy. I guess I'm just selective. I don't want to settle for anything short of what hits me as being perfect. I really won't know what that is until it happens. Being a teacher is an awesome job though. There are single women all around. It's an ultimate palace of, well, you know... There will be more opportunities. I'm just going to try to enjoy the process a little more rather than getting annoyed with it... Thanks for all the replies, I'd love to hear some other stories though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 My ex and I had many mutual friends (still do). We simply fell out of love. She asked me if I would date my current lady if I was single... I stated "if I was single I might try, but we don't have that type of relationship". We are all still close, but she must have seen something. She said to my current wife..."my husband wants to be with you, take good care of him, he's a good guy". I was floored, but knew it wouldn't last anyway. Our split was amicable and I started dating my current wife shortly after. My wife and I still love her and wish her the best. She has made some poor dating choices since our breakup though. We all talk from time to time, but separate conversations and we always make sure she is safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 This too will get better. The fact you're picky is a good thing. Lots of people in your situation wouldn't be.. Glad you've got a sense of humor about it. One thing I found to be true when I was in your place.. the good shines through, and it'll attract the right one. Where's Special K? Sounds like y'all should talk ~Bang Oh...right here, lmao. Maybe next time I go on a stupid date where I play the "damn, it's 9 o'clock already? I need to get home to my dog" card, come home and knock back a couple glasses of wine while catching up on Scandal season 2 I'll post some good post-divorce date stories instead of just complaining about it in the Random Thought thread like I did this weekend I am also a very divorced very single father, and can attest to 100% of the female craziness that Code details. Hmmm, besides the herpes-laden chick, most of these scenarios with women didn't sound THAT crazy to me. Love, 30-something, divorced,forward-thinking crazy beyatch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 As you get older and your sex drive becomes something you can control instead of vice versa, you are able to see women for the people that they actually are. It is rarely all that attractive. You sound like a happy dude with no attitude issues. Let's go get drinks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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