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The Onion: Cowboys Award 6-Year, $108 Million Extension To Super Bowl–Watching Quarterback Tony Romo


HOF44

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IRVING, TX—In an effort to prevent the multiple championship–viewing player from reaching free agency, the Dallas Cowboys announced this week that the team had signed Super Bowl–watching quarterback Tony Romo sits to pee to a six-year, $108 million contract extension. “Tony has already watched seven Super Bowls for us,” said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who acknowledged that the most lucrative contract in team history will put extra pressure on Romo sits to pee to continue watching championships. “He was born to watch the Super Bowl, he’s proven himself capable of it, and we are confident that the next few years will see Tony Romo sits to pee watch many, many more Super Bowls as a Dallas Cowboy.” Jones added that a major focus for the team this season will be on keeping Tony Romo sits to pee healthy so that he can watch the entire 2014 playoffs.

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