Random Funny ARTICLES Not Worth Their Own Thread

[China]

Knives might lacerate you?  Who knew?

 

Consumer product recall: Norwex Ceramic Knives Recalled due to Laceration Hazard

 

[EmirOfShmo]

She Fell Eight Feet Down a Trailhead Toilet. But She Got Her Phone.

A woman in Washington State learned the hard way that items dropped into an outhouse are best left alone

 

What’s your worst outdoor fear? Is it being stalked by a mountain lion or chased by a grizzly bear? Perhaps it’s being buried in an avalanche, or running out of food and water deep in the wilderness.

My worst outdoor fear is far less adventurous but way more disgusting. I’m terrified of the lowly trailhead toilet; specifically, I worry I might somehow fall into one and land on the mountain of human waste rising from below. I always assumed this anxiety was irrational and unfounded, until I read this story about a woman in Washington State who plummeted headfirst into a trailhead toilet last Tuesday.

The woman, described as in her mid-forties, was visiting the Mount Walker hiking trail on Olympic Peninsula when she entered one of the pit toilets and accidentally dropped her phone down the bowl. I hate to pass judgement, but no Instagram video or brilliant tweet would convince me to do what she did next: rather than cut bait on the device, the woman attempted multiple methods to retrieve it from atop the pile of human waste.

First, she used a dog leash to try and fish the phone out. When that plan failed, she disassembled the structure surrounding the hole, used the leash to support her weight, and leaned way in to grab the phone.

As you may assume, that’s when the proverbial **** hit the fan.

 

https://www.outsideonline.com/outdoor-adventure/hiking-and-backpacking/trailhead-toilet-fall-olympic-peninsula/

[China]

Wildlife groups warn of 'drunk' deer in France

 

Wildlife experts in the Normandy region of France are warning members of the public to beware of an unusual problem: "drunk" deer running amok.

 

The 30 Million Friends Foundation, a French animal rescue group, said deer in Normandy have been known to over-indulge this time of year on spring buds that are loaded with sugar that ferments in the animals' stomachs, making them "drunk" in the same way as if they had consumed alcohol.

 

Click on the link for the full article

 

[China]

Vogue Magazine Threatens To Sue UK Pub

 

Fashion magazine Vogue has sent a cease-and-desist letter to a pub in the hamlet of Vogue in Cornwall. 

 

The Star Inn at Vogue has been a pub for more than 200 years, but it seems that Vogue's publisher, Condé Nast, has only just got wind of it, and has now sent a letter in which it claims that members of the public may make an incorrect ‘connection’ between the decades-old boozer and the high-end fashion mag. 

 

 

Publicans Mark and Rachel Graham told CornwallLive they initially thought it was a wind-up when they got the letter through the post, but have since discovered it's the real deal. 

 

Sent from Condé Nast’s Chief Operating Officer Sabine Vandenbroucke, it reads in part: “Our company is the proprietor of the Vogue mark, not only for its world-famous magazine first published in November 1916 but in respect of other goods and services offered to the public by our company.

 

“We are concerned that the name which you are using is going to cause problems because as far as the general public is concerned a connection between your business and ours is likely to be inferred.”

 

The letter then adds: “Please reply within seven days or we will take remedial action.”

 

Speaking to CornwallLive, Mark said: “When I opened the letter I thought some bugger in the village was having me on. 

 

“Surely these people can’t be serious. In this modern day and age someone couldn’t be bothered to go onto Google and see that Vogue is a Cornish hamlet that’s been here for hundreds of years. It seems common sense has taken a backseat on this one.”

 

However, he did reply to the letter and also sent a selection of photos of both the pub and several streets in Vogue, which also bear its name. 

 

Mark, 60, wrote back: “Whilst I found your letter interesting on the one hand, I also found it hilariously funny. I presume your magazine bases its name on the dictionary term for being in fashion which is uncapitalised as used in the Oxford English Dictionary.

 

“If a member of your staff had taken the time to investigate they would have discovered that our company, the Star Inn, is in the small village of Vogue, near St Day, Cornwall. Yes, that’s right, Vogue is the name of our village, which has been in existence for hundreds of years and in fact is a Cornish word, not English.

 

“I note in your letter that you have only been in existence since 1916 and I presume that at the time when you chose the name Vogue in the capitalised version you didn’t seek permission from the villagers of the real Vogue. I also presume that Madonna did not seek your permission to use the word Vogue (again the capitalised version) for her 1990s song of the same name.

 

"You are both at liberty to use the uncapitalised version without our permission. As a side note she didn’t seek our permission either.”

 

He ended his letter: “In answer to your question whether we would change our name, it is a categorical NO.”

[PleaseBlitz]

Humorous responses to C&Ds are and endless source of entertainment. 
 

Here is the gold standard:  https://www.scribd.com/doc/148538709/Stephen-Kaplitt-Cease-and-Desist-Response-Letter

 

 

[CousinsCowgirl84]

On 5/4/2022 at 2:28 PM, EmirOfShmo said:

She Fell Eight Feet Down a Trailhead Toilet. But She Got Her Phone.

A woman in Washington State learned the hard way that items dropped into an outhouse are best left alone

 

What’s your worst outdoor fear? Is it being stalked by a mountain lion or chased by a grizzly bear? Perhaps it’s being buried in an avalanche, or running out of food and water deep in the wilderness.

My worst outdoor fear is far less adventurous but way more disgusting. I’m terrified of the lowly trailhead toilet; specifically, I worry I might somehow fall into one and land on the mountain of human waste rising from below. I always assumed this anxiety was irrational and unfounded, until I read this story about a woman in Washington State who plummeted headfirst into a trailhead toilet last Tuesday.

The woman, described as in her mid-forties, was visiting the Mount Walker hiking trail on Olympic Peninsula when she entered one of the pit toilets and accidentally dropped her phone down the bowl. I hate to pass judgement, but no Instagram video or brilliant tweet would convince me to do what she did next: rather than cut bait on the device, the woman attempted multiple methods to retrieve it from atop the pile of human waste.

First, she used a dog leash to try and fish the phone out. When that plan failed, she disassembled the structure surrounding the hole, used the leash to support her weight, and leaned way in to grab the phone.

As you may assume, that’s when the proverbial **** hit the fan.

 

https://www.outsideonline.com/outdoor-adventure/hiking-and-backpacking/trailhead-toilet-fall-olympic-peninsula/

Phones are $1200 bucks nowadays.

[China]

How to Fight a Goose and Win (Just Kidding, You Won’t Win)

 

A few weeks ago, a video circulated around the internet of an unsuspecting Florida woman getting attacked by a goose in a crowded parking lot. According to a study from Utah State University, there were a reported 117 injuries from Canadian geese in the United States from 1990 to 2015. This means the chance of you getting attacked by a Canadian goose is low, but never zero.

 

In reality, there is no winning a fight with a goose. If you find yourself locked in battle, your goal should be to minimize damage. Goose attacks are no joke; the Ohio Division of Wildlife has documented goose attack-related injuries including broken bones and head injuries. Here’s what they recommend you do if a goose is making aggressive moves towards you.

 

• Maintain direct eye contact and keep your chest and face pointed at the goose. Never turn your back or shoulders away from the hostile goose.
• Calmly and slowly back away, watching for obstacles. Never run from the goose.
• Maintain a neutral demeanor, i.e., do not act hostile or show fear.

 

Click on the link for the full article

 

 

[China]

THIS DAY IN HISTORY: MAY 17, 1965 - The FBI Laboratory weighs in on the “dirty” lyrics of “Louie Louie”

 

Based on outcry from parents who bought into what may have started as an idle rumor, the FBI launched a formal investigation in 1964 into the supposedly pornographic lyrics of the song “Louie, Louie.” That investigation finally neared its conclusion on May 17, 1965, when the FBI Laboratory declared the lyrics of “Louie Louie” to be officially unintelligible.

 

Click on the link for the full story

 

 

[China]

Pope Francis shares secret recipe for a bad knee: A shot of tequila

 

Doctors have prescribed a wheelchair, cane and physical therapy to help heal Pope Francis' bad knee. He has other ideas.

 

According to a viral video of the pope at the end of a recent audience, Francis quipped that what he really needs for the pain is a shot of tequila.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

I can’t stop watching the ‘hanger reflex’ freak people out

 

It seems too weird to be true and I can’t stop thinking about it. People on the internet are taking hangers, opening them up, and sandwiching their heads inside. Then, their heads turn to the side, seemingly without their control. There’s NO WAY this is real, I thought as I got up to get a hanger from the closet and try it on myself.

 

But alas, upon squishing my head inside a clothes hanger, my head naturally turned to the side. Later, I tried it on my dad. “Close your eyes, relax, and put this hanger over your head,” I told him. And sure enough, he slowly turned his head to the right.

 

 

Turns out the so-called hanger reflex was first reported in 1991 and in a 2015 study, researchers studied 120 people between the ages of 19 and 65 and observed head rotation in 95.8 percent of subjects. The effect is consistent in males and females and it’s directional: You turn your head away from the hanger’s hook. Researchers created a specialized machine (not a hanger!) that presses on the fronto-temporal region and recreates the hanger effect’s involuntary motion.

 

 

 

Click on the link for the full article

[EmirOfShmo]

 

[China]

[China]

Only in Japan:

 

Japanese Inventor Creates Creepy Spider Night Lamp, Freaks Out the Internet

 

 

[China]

Shelbyville men net catfish with adult toy in stomach in southern Indiana

 

Two Shelbyville men who set out on the Ohio River in search of catfish got their prized catch plus something extra: a sex toy in the 20-pound fish’s stomach.

 

Richard Kesar says he took his friend Jon Hoop out on his boat in the Lawrenceburg area over the weekend. The two were hoping to catch Jon’s first blue catfish.

 

Richard says the scandalous fish was actually the first catch of the day, and after Jon reeled it and he netted it — they realized something was well, off.

 

“We noticed when we got it in the boat that its stomach was huge,” said Richard. He assumed it was eggs or maybe some wildlife the fish had eaten.

 

When the pair got back to Richard’s home, it was time to find out what was inside the fish.

 

“We decided to cut it open, and we found the foam ball, part of a fish, and the other object,” Richard said.

 

The “other object” was an adult sex toy that the fish had somehow swallowed after the item made its way into the Ohio River.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

This guy deserves whatever happens to him:

 

'Like being stuck in a wheelie bin, on a rollercoaster for 90 days': Daredevil will attempt to break record by sailing 1,900 miles across the Atlantic in boat that is just 3ft3in long and has top speed of 2.5mph

 

A daredevil father will sail 1,900 miles across the Atlantic Ocean in a tiny 3ft3in (1metre) boat he built himself, as he audaciously attempts to break a world record. 

 

Andrew Bedwell, 48, who will set off from Newfoundland, Canada, next May, hopes to smash the record for sailing the smallest boat to cross the Atlantic. 

 

He compared the journey to being 'stuck in a wheelie bin, on a rollercoaster for 90 days'.

The mariner came up with the idea after reading a book by current record holder Hugo Vihlen, who made the perilous passage in a 5ft4in (1.6m) boat 30 years ago.

 

 

Sailors often dread their vessel capsizing and becoming swamped with water, but Andrew insists he has no fears with his boat.

 

He said: 'Capsizing is absolutely not an issue whatsoever, because she's designed to go over. The hatch seals down to keep it completely watertight, and it will self-right.

 

'We know she will be rolled, and she will be battered around, but I've got a full harness in there.

 

'There are also two big vents on the front of the vessel, and if waves hit them, they will just slam shut and that stops any water ingress in there.'

 

'And if it is sealed, I've got 40 minutes of air.'

 

 

 

Andrew will eat a cold protein-based food stuff during the journey, which will encase his body around the walls of the boat to save space.

 

He said: 'My wife's going to be making these protein bags, basically, of food. And then we're going to mould them into the hull to maximise space as much as possible.

 

'It will taste pretty vile, but it's just to do the job, basically. There's not going to be any kind of niceties in there - but my daughter might put the odd skittle in.'

 

Click on the link for the full story

 

Just imagine what it will be like inside when he's trapped in a storm, all sealed up and he ****s his pants.  Then the smell is so overwhelming he vomits (or vomits because his protein goo is so vile especially when in rolling seas).  Sounds like a blast.

 

[China]

 

[skinsmarydu]

On 6/12/2022 at 11:15 PM, China said:

This guy deserves whatever happens to him:

 

'Like being stuck in a wheelie bin, on a rollercoaster for 90 days': Daredevil will attempt to break record by sailing 1,900 miles across the Atlantic in boat that is just 3ft3in long and has top speed of 2.5mph

 

A daredevil father will sail 1,900 miles across the Atlantic Ocean in a tiny 3ft3in (1metre) boat he built himself, as he audaciously attempts to break a world record. 

 

Andrew Bedwell, 48, who will set off from Newfoundland, Canada, next May, hopes to smash the record for sailing the smallest boat to cross the Atlantic. 

 

He compared the journey to being 'stuck in a wheelie bin, on a rollercoaster for 90 days'.

The mariner came up with the idea after reading a book by current record holder Hugo Vihlen, who made the perilous passage in a 5ft4in (1.6m) boat 30 years ago.

 

 

Sailors often dread their vessel capsizing and becoming swamped with water, but Andrew insists he has no fears with his boat.

 

He said: 'Capsizing is absolutely not an issue whatsoever, because she's designed to go over. The hatch seals down to keep it completely watertight, and it will self-right.

 

'We know she will be rolled, and she will be battered around, but I've got a full harness in there.

 

'There are also two big vents on the front of the vessel, and if waves hit them, they will just slam shut and that stops any water ingress in there.'

 

'And if it is sealed, I've got 40 minutes of air.'

 

 

 

Andrew will eat a cold protein-based food stuff during the journey, which will encase his body around the walls of the boat to save space.

 

He said: 'My wife's going to be making these protein bags, basically, of food. And then we're going to mould them into the hull to maximise space as much as possible.

 

'It will taste pretty vile, but it's just to do the job, basically. There's not going to be any kind of niceties in there - but my daughter might put the odd skittle in.'

 

Click on the link for the full story

 

Just imagine what it will be like inside when he's trapped in a storm, all sealed up and he ****s his pants.  Then the smell is so overwhelming he vomits (or vomits because his protein goo is so vile especially when in rolling seas).  Sounds like a blast.

 

OMG, I've been on the sea in everything from a 19-ft Bayliner (mine) to the USS Canopus, submarine tender, already retired and scrapped.

 

That man wants to die. 

[China]

Apparently the  Bird's Aren't Real thread has been archived.

 

 

 

Either a bird went on vacation or scientists need a tourist to return their equipment

 

The hunt is on for a bird tracking device that, instead of logging the bird’s movements, is likely tracking the travels of an unwitting tourist. Researchers are asking for the public’s help to retrieve the tracker so that it can be used to study birds again.

 

 

An oystercatcher, a black and white bird with a long, red-orange beak for breaking through shellfish, initially brought the tracker from Dublin, Ireland, to Orkney, an archipelago of islands north of Scotland.

 

The bird seemed to have lost the tracker at the beach on one of the islands, Sanday, on April 7th. It stayed there until late May, when the device started tracking unusual movements for a bird.

 

Click on the link for the full article

 

 

[China]

BAT BOY FOUND IN WEST VIRGINIA CAVE 30 YEARS AGO!!

 

 

AMERICANS PUSH TO MAKE JUNE 23RD NATIONAL BAT BOY DAY!

 

Weekly World News (WWN) celebrates the 30 th anniversary of its ground-breaking June 23, 1992 cover story “Bat Child Found In Cave.”

 

WWN introduced the half-human, half-bat child to readers around the world, and its ongoing coverage has fostered a growing national movement to make June 23 an
official National Bat Boy holiday! Weekly World News is celebrating the anniversary with a special tribute page.

 

It all started in Pendleton County, West Virginia where Dr. Ron Dillon discovered this unique “creature,” who would become known as Bat Boy, living in a cave in the
Allegheny Mountains.

 

Explorers captured Bat Boy, who was living almost two miles underground. Weekly World News’ Bat Boy reporting went “viral,” spreading faster than any news story could
in the days before the Internet and social media – it was a peaceful time.

 

Click on the link for more

[China]

Woman Mistakenly Accepts ‘Gift’ From Fairies and Apparently They’re Ruining Her Life

 

I think if there’s one lesson of value to take from fairy tales, as a body of work, it’s to beware of gifts from fairies, because they come with some powerful strings attached. Whether that is a promise to provide your first born child or the danger of angering the enough to turn the gift into a curse, there are reasons that folklore experts claim that inviting fairies into your life (indeed, interacting with them at all) is something that should only be done under extreme caution and with plenty of protective measures in place. But this young mom didn’t do that, and now, unfortunately, she is paying the price. 

 

In this video, TikToker Chantel North shares the way her life has been altered since finding and accepting an unknown “gift” a month earlier. Apparently, she found an acorn cap with a mysterious crystal embedded inside of it. Though she was advised at the time by viewers on her TikTok channel not to accept the gift but rather to bury it and avoid it, she ignored them. Ever since, she reports, things in her house have been a touch sketchy. (Actually, what she says is, “S*** has been f***** up.”)

 

Though she doesn’t go into details about the kinds of hardships she has experienced, she did specify that the fairies she has apparently been inviting in to her house have been speaking to her child in her room, teaching her to fly and asking them to come with her.

 

Click on the link for the full story

[China]

Fears ‘Gimp Man’ has returned after latex pervert ambushes couple walking home

 

A very sinister man dressed head-to-toe in a gimp suit has returned to terrorise sleepy Somerset villages.

 

Yatton and Claversham have been plagued by the latex-clad pest since 2018, who appears late at night to stalk and terrify the locals.

 

Despite arresting two people in connection with the case, police are still yet to identify or stop the man known as ‘Gimp Man’.

 

 

It now appears the shadowy figure has returned yet again to claim another victim.

 

Kiera Elston, 19, and her boyfriend were walking home after getting out of a taxi in Yatton at around 1am on Sunday when ‘Gimp Man’ emerged from the shadows and started walking towards them with his arms outstretched.

 

Keira’s experience is the 16th time the mysterious pervert has been sighted in the area, yet authorities are still no closer to uncovering his true identity.

 

A police search turned up nothing after Sunday’s incident and the suspect left ‘no trace’ at the scene.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

I take it this guy just finished watching Annabelle:

 

Man says 119-year-old haunted doll blinks, throws itself off shelves and gives people chest pains

 

You might think you’re brave.

 

You watch scary films without covering your eyes. You could tackle any I’m A Celeb challenge. You’ll even walk on the cracks in the pavement without fear.

But are you daring enough to hang out with Janet, a 119-year-old doll?

 

We’re going to say no.

 

 

Click on the link for the full article

 

 

[China]

Cruise robotaxis blocked traffic for hours on this San Francisco street

 

More than a half dozen Cruise robotaxis stopped operating and sat in a street in San Francisco late Tuesday night, blocking traffic for a couple of hours until employees arrived and manually moved the autonomous vehicles.

 

Photos and a description of the Cruise robotaxi blockade were shared to a Reddit post on a subreddit about happenings in the city.

 

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Men's Intimate Area Cleaner - MdoC Pride Care & Wash 100ml

 

Quote

About this item

• Maid in Korea
• Male genital wash
• It cares men's tender and humid region clean and fresh.
• This men's cleaner relieves skin trouble from humid region and its abundant and soft foam cleans waste matters from sensitive area with no stimulus.
• How to use : ① Pump for 2-3 times and take proper amount on palm, and ② Rub on requiring area as like massaging. ③ Wash out any residual matters with warm water completely.

 

Quote

Product Description

Why do we need men cleaner?

Male genitalia are structurally 2-3 (temperature) Always drain the sweat,because maintaining healthy sperm must make a low. So a lot of sweat from the body of men, humid garage is ventilated area and should not continue to be neglected if the hygiene is the main cause of the stench various made diseases. Wash often with soap or body cleanser to use any water alkaline environment is not good, the ancestor will at the same time to neutralize our body ryeoseo breach the ecological balance of the genital tract during cleaning. Especially frequent cause skin irritation or skin problem in the genital tact and the male cleaner using a weak acid that makes the male genitalia give a good environment must manage the daily reproductive health.

 

[China]