Jump to content
Washington Football Team Logo
Extremeskins

Random Funny ARTICLES Not Worth Their Own Thread


Jumbo
 Share

Recommended Posts

Crash suspect says Dale Earnhardt’s ghost told him to drive wrong way

 

A man accused of intentionally driving the wrong way on Las Vegas’ 215 beltway told a judge that the ghost of NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Sr. told him to do it.

 

Daniel Asseff, 51, faces charges of attempted murder, driving under the influence and battery with a deadly weapon after vehicle crashes reported Jan. 28 in the area of Lake North Drive and Fort Apache Road, near Sahara Avenue, KVVU reports.

 

In a court hearing Tuesday, Asseff told Judge Ann Zimmerman that Earnhardt’s ghost told him to drive the wrong way on the freeway in order to get the mayor’s attention and bring NASCAR back to Las Vegas.

 

Click on the link for the full article

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sex on Mushrooms: Good or Bad Idea?

 

From encounters with sexually charged wizards to falling in love by trip’s end, fornicating on fungi is beautiful and bizarre in equal measure. But before you go transforming your orifices into psychedelic pools, here’s what every lustful psychonaut needs to know. ***Names have been omitted to protect the hedonistic***

Quote

The other week on an unseasonably cold day in Savannah, GA, an unspecified seafarer shoved about four grams of psychedelic mushrooms in my mouth as I sipped a Guinness on the toilet. This dose (an apparent misfire) was administered under the age-old delusion that “more is always better.” The previous weekend, the maritime-r and I were on the same program from a substance standpoint, but we approached the adventure in cautious increments. After the sexual success of that encounter (orgasm from earlobe stimulation, palming each other’s face, tracing the ridges and wrinkles that told stories of smiles and shortcomings, crying to Brian Wilson), we couldn’t wait to explore the unsightly ridges of arousal further through sex on mushrooms. 

 

We thought we would discover new nerves, bounce electric current between us. Instead, I thought I was receiving cunnilingus from the Keebler Elf, immediately put on a fur jacket and ushanka hat and attempted to “return home to the river.”

 

Click on the link for more

 

  • Super Duper Ain't No Party Pooper Two Thumbs Up 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's up with the 'Dave Ryan gave me crabs' billboards in the Twin Cities?

 

It just has to be a wacky radio stunt, but Bring Me The News' attempts to get answers about the "Dave Ryan gave me crabs" billboards seen all around the Twin Cities over the weekend have thus far gone unanswered. 

 

FKzMw8fWYAkKzyz?format=jpg&name=small

 

When you hear the name "Dave Ryan" in the Twin Cities, most will think of the longtime KDWB morning show host. Both Ryan and the station have a long history of being associated with radio stunts, like the billboard KDWB put up in San Francisco taunting the 49ers before the Vikings ultimately got smoked in a playoff game a couple of years ago. 

 

But this digital billboard is nothing more than a black background with white letters spelling out "Dave Ryan gave me crabs" with no further context regarding to which Dave Ryan the billboard refers.

 

The billboards were seen on I-94 near Rogers, I-35W in Blaine, at the I-494/I-35E interchange in Eagan, and who knows where else.

 

"I don’t know who Dave Ryan is but dude certainly did someone dirty and is paying for it in a way I get he never imagined," one Facebook user wrote.

 

Click on the link for the full article

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A TATTOO fan has caused a stir on social media with their Virgin Mary inking.

 

A video showcasing the tattoo was shared on TikTok by Kay Wilder, as she praised "one of the best worst tattoos I have ever seen".

 

The tattoo, on a woman's upper arm, showed the Virgin Mary with a halo of light above her head, wearing a flowing pink robe.

 

The inking also featured the words, "You thought God was an architect, now you know" written in a somewhat bizarre order around the image.

 

But it was the saint's robe that provoked the most response among commenters on the video - with many people suggesting they could see a vulva in the design.

 

NINTCHDBPICT000709840384.jpg?w=620

 

"Now I want a vulva mary as a tat," one person commented, while another added: "Holy Lady Garden, Batman."

 

"I never even got to the words," someone else commented.

 

Others wondered if the design had been a deliberate move by the tattoo artist.

 

Click on the link for the full article

 

As I was posting this my 16 yo daughter walked by and wanted to know why I was looking at a vagina.  When I told her to look closer, that it was the Virgin Mary, she commented that "Someone got a tattoo of that?!  The tattoo artist must be making bank."

 

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

'Time-traveller' claims New York City will be bombed by rogue Chinese Airforce pilot

 

A self-proclaimed time-traveller "from the year 2104" has claimed the US will face an unforeseen attack by a Chinese Airforce pilot in just 27 years.

 

The TikTok user – named Matthew Smith, like the Doctor Who actor, and also goes by the username @pasttimetraveller – claims to be visiting 2022 from more than 80 years into the future.

 

Among other self-professed time-travellers on the app, Matthew has made a number of alarming claims about the future of the human race – including his recent prediction of a New York City bombing.

 

The video shows an image of the Statue of Liberty, surrounded by a fiery scene that looks like a post-apocalyptic world – but it's not that far ahead.

 

Click on the link for the full nonsense

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

A Great Plague ritual kit has bottled up the scent of death to help you cleanse your home

 

Shortly after midnight, I lit a candle in my bathroom, turned off the rest of the lights, and shut the door to enclose myself with the small, dimly lit space. The instructions for the evening's events had suggested that the guidelines of "the smaller, the thicker the air, the warmer, the better" applied while choosing my location, and my bathroom, typical in size for a New York City apartment and absent of any windows that would allow the constant city lights to leak in, fit the description perfectly. In the glow of the flickering lights, a bowl of water and several different vials filled with mysterious liquids set the stage for what could easily be assumed to be a night of witchy potion making, an activity that would have certainly been fitting for the late October date. But the ritual on which I was about to embark was not of purely supernatural origins but instead one with a great deal of historical significance.

 

Earlier that week, I had come across a curious listing in an email newsletter for a DIY kit that would guide you a purging and healing ritual inspired by the methods used by plague doctors during the Great Plague of 1665. Intrigued by the offering, I sent the requested $20 payment via Venmo, and a couple days later, I received a muslin-wrapped package tied up with string. A note attached to the outside of the bundle instructed me to first read the note and place the single exterior vial into the fridge before proceeding with the cleanse.

 

869cdf3b-cfc2-459d-8495-deb7d08a90d9-med

 

99218c67-db16-4206-8050-180883a9856b-lar

 

Click on the link for more

Link to comment
Share on other sites

'Insulting, out of touch': Australians lambast government's phallic Women's Network logo

 

A purple logo representing the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet's Women's Network seems to be shaped like a penis. Women say it's "juvenile" and "demeaning".

 

wn-still-v4.png&imwidth=1280

Australians have slammed a new logo for the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet's Women's Network, describing it as "degrading" and "tone deaf".

 

The purple logo shows a curly purple "W" and a purple bar, which together carries a strong likeness to male genitalia.

 

Yumi Lee at the Older Women's Network described the logo as "ludicrous" and "insulting".

 

Click on the link for the full article

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Robber tries to flee; can’t get car into gear

 

A trespasser in the area of 24 City Terrace in Newburgh was arrested last Saturday evening after he robbed a man of his cell phone, pushed him and got into the victim’s car. The suspect ran into a problem with his attempted getaway. He couldn’t figure out how to get the car into gear. Instead, he fled on foot.

 

The victim assisted city police with locating the man, later identified as Isaiah Jackson, 33, of Newburgh, nearby.

 

He was charged with two felony counts of robbery.

 

Click on the link for the full article

Link to comment
Share on other sites

World's most boring person discovered by researchers

 

The most boring person in the world has been revealed by University of Essex research - and it is a religious data entry worker, who likes watching TV, and lives in a town.

 

The study into the science of boredom has uncovered the jobs, characteristics, and hobbies that are considered a stereotypical snooze.

 

After examining more than 500 people across five experiments researchers found the blandest jobs are seen as data analysis, accounting, cleaning and banking.

 

The paper – published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin – also discovered the dullest hobbies were seen to be religion, watching TV, bird watching and smoking.

 

Boring people were also perceived to shun large settlements to live in small cities and towns

 

Led by the Department of Psychology’s Dr Wijnand Van Tilburg the research revealed that stereotypically boring people are generally disliked and avoided due to preconceptions.

 

And people may expect to be paid a minimum of £35-a-day to spend time with them as recompense.

 

The study also showed that being perceived as boring likely conveys low competence and low interpersonal warmth.

 

Those perceived as boring may thus be at greater risk of harm, addiction and mental health issues.

 

And despite the negative perception society needs people to perform roles such as accounting and banking.

 

“It was interesting to me to see the study showed that boring people were not seen as competent,” said Dr Van Tilburg.

 

“I would have thought that accountants would be seen as boring, but effective and the perfect person to do a good job on your tax return.

 

“The truth of the matter is people like bankers and accountants are highly capable and have power in society - perhaps we should try not to upset them and stereotype them as boring!”

 

The top five most boring jobs

1.) Data Analysis

2.) Accounting

3.) Tax/insurance

4.) Cleaning

5.) Banking

 

The top five most exciting jobs

1.) Performing arts

2.) Science

3.) Journalism

4.) Health professional

5.) Teaching

 

The top five most boring hobbies

1.) Sleeping

2.) Religion

3.) Watching TV

4.) Observing animals

5.) Mathematics

 

Click on the link for the full article

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Woman Sues Over Delivery of Chocolate Penis With 'No Redeeming Qualities'

 

A woman is suing a novelty gift company for sending a life-size dick-shaped chocolate to her door, citing "fear, nervousness, anxiety, worry, and indignity” at receiving the phallic confection on her doorstep.

 

As reported by Courthouse News, the complaint, filed by Linda Parks in Ventura County, California on Tuesday, details the emotional distress Parks received when she got an unexpected chocolate dick delivery from the company Dick at Your Door, owned by Rain Parade LLC. Dick at Your Door sells a range of prank items beyond the choco-dongs: They also offer chocolate buttholes with the message “live fast eat ass” printed on the box, a “bag of dicks” gummies, and glitter bombs.

 

The complaint claims the five inch chocolate phallus has “no redeeming social qualities, whatsoever.” She’s suing for damages, including psychological counseling, lost wages, and cost of the suit.

Spoiler

1647538530865-screen-shot-2022-03-17-at-

 

 

Parks isn’t just a resident of Ventura County, but a local politician, acting as its supervisor. She received the dick in 2021, according to VCReporter; at the time, an effort to recall her position as supervisor was underway, because she voted in favor of suing businesses that refused to comply with state and county health regulations to slow the spread of Covid-19, such as indoor mask wearing. The recall effort failed.

 

Click on the link for the full article

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Venice hotel guests issued with water pistols to shoot gulls

 

A hotel association in Venice is hatching plans to fend off “aggressive and annoying” gulls, although some hoteliers are already taking matters into their own hands by equipping guests with pistols to shoot water at the marauding birds.

 

The omnipresence of gulls in the famous lagoon city has become increasingly problematic over the last few years – one recently snatched an ice-cream from a tourist as she walked across St Mark’s Square.

 

Entertaining though the scene was for onlookers, the Venice hoteliers’ association has finally had enough, and so organised a seminar to come up with ideas to deter the food snatchers from outside dining areas.

 

Click on the link for the full article

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The 1970s Political Activist Who Invented Penis Pants

 

Introducing Eldridge Clever, Presidential candidate, writer, political activist, a prominent early leader of the Black Panthers, oh and inventor of the penis pants. The fashion statement the world never asked for, solved all sorts of problems according to their late inventor, Eldridge Cleaver, such as ‘fig-leaf mentality’…

 

264887294_134810192267470_46585410693603

 

cleaver_cock_pants.jpg

 

Click on the link for the full article

Link to comment
Share on other sites

City Park-area man ties up a trespasser in his home, waits 90 minutes for police to arrive

 

A Mid-City man who apprehended a trespasser in his City Park area home said he "had no other choice but to tie him to a post until police got there."

 

6245f7cd50a69.image.png?resize=750,422

 

Using half a ratchet strap, some electrical wire and other construction-related items, Eric Hernandez tied the intruder to a post at around noon Wednesday and waited 90 minutes for police to arrive, he says. In the meantime, he got a haircut.

 

Click on the link for the full article

  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gang of Muppet ‘Beakers’ attack Missouri Uber driver

 

A group of individuals dressed as Beaker from the Muppets surrounded an Uber driver. It was on April Fool’s Day, but at night it’s a different story.

 

Around 8:00 pm, Uber Driver Geoff Denton was taking a break from driving when he decided to pull over in the Zayka Indian Cuisine parking lot.

 

“I pulled into a dark parking lot and was attacked by a bunch of Beakers!” laughed Denton. 

 

Sequence-01.00_00_08_10.Still001.jpg?w=2

 

Click on the link for the video

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Motion to Go F*#& Yourselves

 

motion-to-GFY.jpeg

 

The above image was circulated on Twitter this week, and depicts part of the docket in a criminal matter currently pending in Buchanan County, Missouri. A closer look at the docket suggests that the filer was not pleased with the court’s denial of a motion to reconsider he had filed, and since you can’t file a motion to reconsider the denial of a motion to reconsider, he decided to go a different route. The docket also shows that the court has since edited the entry for this item, and so I would like to thank whoever entered it on the docket in the first place and also the internet for preserving it.

 

The docket also reveals that the defendant has been charged with second-degree burglary and the theft of $750 or more, both felonies under Missouri law. The complaint was filed in October 2020, and the defendant has apparently been jailed and re-jailed a couple of times when a bond he posted was revoked. Mr. Merritt has written numerous letters to the court, some of which are listed as motions and others just as “correspondence.” The docket also suggests he has failed to cooperate with defense counsel—more than one defense counsel, actually—and has been difficult enough that one of his lawyers filed a motion asking the court to approve a mental examination. The court did approve that, and the evaluator found Merritt was “competent” to represent himself as he had been wanting to do, though here “competent” only means “mentally able,” not that he’d be any good at it.

 

Merritt is also clearly no fun at hearings. Here’s an entry from last November: “The Court attempted to inquire of the Defendant to determine if his waiver of right to counsel was voluntarily and intelligently made but was unable to complete the inquiry due to the Defendant’s disruptive behavior and use of profanity during the court hearing.” 

 

Many more letters and “motions” followed, including motions to recuse the judge; motions to fire appointed counsel; a “motion for a fast and speedy trial,” something all these motions aren’t bringing any closer; and something called a “motion for a conflict of interest.” It looks like that as trial gets closer, Merritt is filing more and more of this stuff and doing so on his own. There was a flurry of such motions about two weeks ago, none of which seem to have been granted, surprisingly, and apparently the denial of a “motion to reconsider motion to withdraw as counsel” on the 23rd prompted the aforementioned “Motion to Go F*#& Yourselves.”

 

This motion will almost certainly be denied, for the obvious reasons that it lacks any case law support and is seeking injunctive relief that the court would be unable to provide.

 

Click on the link for the rest

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, dfitzo53 said:

Can't help but notice the date on the article and wonder.

 

Well, you can check the linked tweet which was posted on March 25th:

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What could go wrong? A preschooler's sweet note for teacher leads to mortified mom

 

When Brinn Williams got a text message from her daughter's school director on Wednesday, she was not prepared for what was about to be shared.

 

"The minute her school texted, I was like, 'Oh no, Ruby is sick'," 33-year-old mom in central Nebraska told TODAY Parents.

 

As it turns out, Ruby's teacher was curious about a card the little girl brought to preschool.

 

AAVVG8B.img?w=768&h=1049&m=6

 

"Ruby loves to draw and color and create cards for everyone," Williams said. "Last night, she asked if she could use some of my stationery. I have rainbow stationery so I was like 'Sure, of course, go ahead.'"

 

Williams said she had forgotten she had a box of cards out on her desk.

 

"She goes and does this almost every single night, so I had no reason to believe the card wasn’t going to look how it normally looks," Williams said. "I didn’t look it over before she put it in her backpack."

 

The preschooler had, indeed, skipped the rainbow cards for something more colorful.

 

AAVVPzm.img?w=768&h=417&m=6

 

Click on the link for the full article

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Today I learned that the FBI has an 83-page guide to internet speak

 

Today I learned (TIL) there’s an 83-page FBI “guide” to internet slang filled with abbreviations entered either by a complete troll or someone totally clueless, as recently reported by Input. And yes, TIL is actually included in the guide, but so are thousands of other abbreviations that I’m convinced someone just made up. Because no one actually uses BTDTGTTSAWIO (been there, done that, got the T-shirt and wore it out) ...right?

 

Click on the links for more

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...