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Random Funny ARTICLES Not Worth Their Own Thread

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So, he names his daughter "Lexxa" and posts scantily clad pictures of her on the internet? What a dad.

Yeah, because she looks like the "paragon of virtue," type daughter. And maybe the mother named her Lexxa.

Nevermind. I see she isn't his daughter.

Edited by pjfootballer

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"Would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses, or 1 horse sized duck?" another asked.

Thats too funny!! :ols:

Just as long as it is ducks, not swans...

Swans caused death of kayaker

CHICAGO — Federal safety officials say the swans were to blame for the death of a Villa Park man in April.

Authorities say 37-year-old Anthony Hensley worked to keep geese away from a condo complex near Des Plaines. He fell out of his kayak and drowned while checking out the swans. Officials say he apparently got too close and was attacked.

...

WBBM reports that Hensley was a good swimmer but ended up in the water fully clothed and wearing boots. Police say the swans continued to swim at him as he tried to make it to shore.

Click on the link for the full article

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that is amazing ... i can only imagine the perfect feeling of dread that person felt when they first realized what they did.

Or the Exchange Administrator for not blocking this as "Rule1" would tell you.

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ENCAPSULATING THE PAST: Corden Porter time capsule from 1979 opened

EFFERSONVILLE — The whining of the saw stopped with the clang of metal hitting the pavement. Milt Clayton — Greater Clark County Schools’ retiring transportation director and former Corden Porter School principal — peered inside the time capsule to see what his students buried in it more than 30 years ago.

Students from the class of 1979 buried a time capsule on the property of the school before they graduated. On Wednesday, the capsule was sawed open. Clayton said on the eve of his retirement, he wanted to crack it open and see what was inside.

After he pulled open the series of plastic bags, he found several items that brought back memories for him, including two ticket stubs for a Doobie Brothers concert, an empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey and a Fleetwood Mac album.

“Those were enjoyable years,” Clayton said. “I have some of those kids who are driving buses for me now. Those were good times. All of them were into the styles at the time.

Click on the link for the full article

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Animal charity teaches dogs to drive

A New Zealand animal welfare group has spent eight weeks teaching three of its shelter dogs to drive.

The Aukland SPCA says it wanted to show how intelligents dogs were to encourage more people to adopt them.

Three dogs were chosen from a group of seven and given daily training exercises to familiarise themselves with the mechanics of driving.

After just eight weeks Porter, Monty and Ginny were put behind the wheels of an adapted Mini Cooper and reporetdly managed to put it in gear, accelerate and steer.

So far, the dogs have been driving with the help of an assistant inside the car, but their next challenge is to drive solo on live television.

Auckland SPCA chief Christine Kalin said: "They will hop in, start the car, put it into gear, use the accelerator.

"It's an off-road raceway track and at all times we have a remote capacity to stop the car should we need to."

Click on the link for the full article

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First there was the running of the bulls, now there is the trampling of the cows:

Over the centuries, people have been engaging in this ritual, and surprisingly, no one has ever been seriously hurt.

People in India believe that if they get run over by cows, their prayers will be answered.

---------- Post added December-5th-2012 at 11:37 AM ----------

10 Disturbing Covers From Vintage French Satire Magazine

Hara Kiri , subtitled “stupid and vicious magazine,” certainly pushed the taste envelope.

Beware the link at the link to some NSFW magazine covers.

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Man pulled over while driving with traffic sign in his head

ST. AUGUSTINE, Fla. -- A man is in the hospital with life-threatening injuries after police pulled him over and found he was driving with a portion of a traffic sign embedded into his head.

Florida Highway Patrol says Leslie Richard Newton, 63, of St. Augustine was driving a gray Camaro eastbound on SR 16 when he hit a sign. He then continued driving and was eventually pulled over on U.S. 1 just north of SR 16 with a portion of the traffic sign in his head.

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Is that a dipstick? Men are better at identifying car parts than their own anatomy

More men know what happens under their car bonnet than their Y- fronts, new research suggests.

Nine in ten men are confident they can locate a car’s oil dipstick but only half are able to identify key parts of their anatomy.

Worryingly, some men thought vital sexual organs could be found in the ear.

New research exposes how most men are better briefed on their car’s performance than understanding what can go wrong between the sheets.

They struggle to identify the common causes of erectile dysfunction and symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection (STI), says research by the Lloydspharmacy Online Doctor.

Altogether 90 per cent of men said they could locate a car’s oil dipstick and 89 per cent could point to the radiator.

But just 6 per cent accurately identified all the common causes of erectile dysfunction, with one-third wrongly believing it was caused by wearing skinny jeans and a further one in 10 blaming too much masturbation.

Two out of five men could not correctly spot all the key symptoms of sexual infection, said the survey of 1,500 men.

When asked to locate key sex organs, such as the parts responsible for creating semen and the area connecting with the testicles (the vas deferens) - just 52 per cent answered correctly.

One in 12 thought they were found in your ear.

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Worryingly, some men thought vital sexual organs could be found in the ear.

"Hung like a Q-tip."

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Woman Breastfeeds Her Husband’s Monkeys

I am happy to say that this DID NOT happen in Florida. But, it’s still WTF worthy. As is the case whenever a woman feeds a non-human animal from her teet.

Jiao Xinzhen, the 27-year-old wife of one of China’s top professional monkey trainers, regularly breastfeeds the animals. And enjoys it.

“Many times, some of the baby monkeys slip onto our bed at night to suck my breasts … I feel they are just like my children,” said Xinzhen.

And speaking of children, the couple adopted one of the monkeys as a “playmate” for their son. She should talk to the woman who breastfeeds the family dog. [Daily Mail UK]

http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-12-05/today-in-wtf-woman-breastfeeds-her-husbands-monkeys/

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Scientist: Tae Bo workout sent skyscraper shaking

Seventeen people performing a vigorous Tae Bo workout caused tremors that forced the evacuation of a South Korean skyscraper earlier this month, the building's owners say.

Prime Group, owner of the 39-story TechnoMart commercial-residential high-rise in Seoul, said 17 middle-aged people were working out to the pop song "The Power" by Snap on July 5 when their movements set the upper floors of the tower shaking for 10 minutes, according to a report from the Korea JoongAng Daily.

Scientists recreated the event in the 12th floor gym, according to a report in the Korea Times.

...

“It just happens to be that the vibration cycle caused by Tae Bo collided with the vertical vibration cycle unique to the building,” Chung told the Korea Times.

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

Why You're Not Married

You want to get married. It's taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud -- even in your mind -- feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize. Because you're hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor.

You've never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box.

Then, something happened. Another birthday, maybe. A breakup. Your brother's wedding. His wife-elect asked you to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there you were, wondering how in hell you came to be 36-years-old, walking down the aisle wearing something halfway decent from J. Crew that you could totally repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket. You started to hate the bride -- she was so effing happy -- and for the first time ever you began to have feelings about the fact that you're not married. You never really cared that much before. But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found yourself wondering... Deep, deep breath... Why you're not married.

Well, I know why....more @link

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Women diners called 'fat girls' on bill

Three US women say they're outraged after they were identified as "fat girls" on a restaurant bill.

Christine Duran, Christina Huerta and Isabel Robles could not believe their eyes when they checked their bill at Chilly D's Sports Lounge in Stockton, California.

"I got the bill, and I was like 'Why does the receipt say fat girls?'," Ms Duran told News 10.

thumbnail.php?image_id=489635&width=400&height=240

Ms Huerta added: "I was laughing at her, and she was like 'I'm serious'. I'm like 'No, it does not say fat girls. Let me see it'."

The women demanded to see a manager, who then offered the ladies 25 % off their bill - a move that provoked further outrage.

"He had like a smirk on his face, like if it was funny, but he was trying not to laugh," Ms Huerta said.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2g-i4HcTYIw

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OK, I can't verify that this story is true, but if it is then it's a Polish joke come to life:

Man ironed face when phone rang

A Polish man is regretting trying to impress his wife by doing the housework - after ironing his face when the phone rang.

Tomas Paczkowski, 32, from Elbag, was determined to show wife Lila that he was just as good around the home as she is.

"I decided to do the ironing while she was out at work, just to prove a point," he explained.

"Women are always going on about multi-tasking, so I set up the iron, opened a beer and put the boxing on the telly.

"Trouble was, I got so involved in the boxing that I wasn't really thinking about what I was doing.

"So when the phone rang I picked up the iron by mistake and pressed it to my ear. The pain was incredible."

Click on the link for the full article

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One hundred and deity

Darts fan booted out of final because he looked like Jesus

Bearded Nathan Grindal, 33, was enjoying the match between star champ Phil Taylor and Kim Huybrechts when some of the 4,500-strong audience spotted his likeness to the son of God.

Chants of "Jesus" quickly spread through the rowdy crowd, interrupting play at Butlins in Minehead, Somerset.

Security was called before six bouncers escorted upset Nathan from the Cash Converters Players' Championship, being shown on ITV4.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4694296/one-hundred-and-deity.html#ooid=10dnJrNzpuezvkNR9C72NcJoozWMxYP7

Click on the link for the full article

---------- Post added December-13th-2012 at 10:37 AM ----------

This may be old, but regardless here it is:

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Viewing online pornography 'can make you lose your memory'

German study finds men turn forgetful when looking at erotic images

People addicted to watching pornography on the internet are in danger of suffering short-term memory loss which can have a major impact on their lives, according to new research.

German scientists studied the part of the brain responsible for keeping information in the mind while using it to complete a task, critical for understanding, reasoning, problem solving and decision making.

In the first research of its kind, they asked asked 28 men — all heterosexual with an average age of 26 — to look at a number of computer images, some pornographic and some nonsexual.

The clean images included pictures of people doing a number of activities, such as laughing, playing sports or carrying a weapon.

As the volunteers viewed the pictures, they touched a 'yes' or 'no' key to indicate whether the picture was the same as one they had seen four slides previously.

The men logged a significantly greater number of incorrect answers when they viewed the porn than when they saw the nonsexual images.

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Key Largo man shot in argument over open relationship, police say

What began as a jealous argument almost turned deadly for a Key Largo man involved with a woman in an open marriage, Monroe County police say.

Candice Lee, 37, allegedly shot her former lover, Shakir Muilam, 45, with a .22-caliber rifle after the two argued over her relationship with a new boyfriend, said Deputy Becky Herrin, spokeswoman with the Monroe County Sheriff's Office.

Lee and her husband, whom the Sheriff's Office did not identify, are in an open relationship, which allows them to have other sexual partners, Herrin said.

Lee and Muilam were in a relationship but broke up recently. However, she and her husband allowed Muilam to live with them when he was diagnosed with cancer.

While living with her husband and Muilam, Lee began a new relationship with yet another man. Muilam found Lee and her boyfriend talking early Thursday outside of their home at 217 St. Croix Pl. and became angry, according to police. Lee reportedly told Muilam that if he didn't approve of her new relationship, he could move out. Sometime during the argument, Lee reportedly fell and hit her head.

She went inside the house and came back outside with the rifle and pointed it at Muilam. Lee told investigators that as she and Muilam argued, he reached behind himself and she shot him in the thigh.

Click on the link for the full article

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Iowa Court: Bosses Can Fire 'Irresistible' Workers

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/iowa-court-bosses-fire-irresistible-workers-18038838#.UNW3-nbRHFA

A dentist acted legally when he fired an assistant that he found attractive simply because he and his wife viewed the woman as a threat to their marriage, the all-male Iowa Supreme Court ruled Friday.

The court ruled 7-0 that bosses can fire employees they see as an "irresistible attraction," even if the employees have not engaged in flirtatious behavior or otherwise done anything wrong. Such firings may be unfair, but they are not unlawful discrimination under the Iowa Civil Rights Act because they are motivated by feelings and emotions, not gender, Justice Edward Mansfield wrote.

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"While there was really no fault on the part of Mrs. Nelson, it was just as clear the decision to terminate her was not related to the fact that she was a woman," he said. "The motives behind Dr. Knight terminating Mrs. Nelson were quite clear: He did so to preserve his marriage.

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