The Slammer Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2003/writers/dr_z/10/01/power_rankings/index.html Rank LW Team 1 1 Kansas City Chiefs (4-0) Yeah, I know, little Dante Hall bailed them out when it looked like that Baltimore stretch play, with Jamal Lewis cutting back weak, would run K.C. right out of town, but here's what I liked about the Chiefs: They showed that they weren't just a team that could outscore somebody in a track meet. They could come out of a mean, nasty, low scorer with a win. Here's what I didn't like about the Chiefs: Trent Green's demeanor in the pocket. He didn't give me a feeling of great confidence, either on my part or his. Granted, every week out he's not going to face the same kind of concerted pressure he got from the Ravens last week, but he will this Sunday, and that's why I like the Broncos in an upset. 2 2 Denver Broncos (4-0) Speak of the devil. Who's the best blitzer on the team? Ian Gold? Fine, get the gray stallion ready, strap him into the saddle, blow the whistle and clear the clowns out of the ring. Who's the second-best blitzer? Kenoy Kennedy, the strong safety? What's that you say? He's got a bad ankle? Well, call for volunteers, lots of them, and get ready for the all-out assault on Fort Green. 3 3 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1) Folks in Tampa Bay loved Indy's Sunday night rout of the Saints, because they figured it would probably give them a better break when the line came out for Monday nights Colts-Bucs game. Sorry, you southern sports, it doesn't work that way. Momentary tremors do not shake the bedrock foundation of the good old American wagering system. 4 4 Minnesota Vikings (4-0) I'm taking this team so seriously that I've done a chart. I feel that the biggest difference from 2002 is the greatly improved play of the secondary, and to illustrate that, I'll compare the pass-defense stats after four games from last year to this year. The numbers represent those of the opponents. Category 2002 2003 Attempts 140 147 Completions 88 86 Percentage 62.9 58.5 Gross Yards 1,203 882 Touchdowns 7 3 Interceptions 3 11 Passer rating 98.1 51.4 5 5 Carolina Panthers (3-0) This is way too high, I know, for an unpopular team, but their job is to win, my job is to rank 'em. They could have a letdown this week against New Orleans, but I think they'll still win. The real test will come in Week 6 when Carolina visits Indy. Gets interesting, doesn't it? 6 6 Indianapolis Colts (4-0) See that? All I have to do is mention them and here they are. I don't like their chances against the Bucs Monday night if Edgerrin James is not fully ready. I like the Bucs to win even if James is fully ready, but I like them to win less if he's less ready than ... uh, I've gotten myself in too deeply. Let's move along, OK? 7 7 Miami Dolphins (2-1) Good game coming up this Sunday against the Giants in the Meadows. I don't think New York feels Miami's secondary is the formidable factor it once was. I think the Dolphins' corners will be tested severely. And I think the Giants will try to isolate Tiki Barber on Junior Seau downfield. The Dolphins will play more zone than we're used to seeing from them. The Giants' defense can be had and Miami will get its points. So will New York. Bet the over. 8 8 Tennessee Titans (3-1) I got a lot of heat when I selected Steve McNair as my all-pro QB last season. Any arguments so far this year? 9 9 Seattle Seahawks (3-0) Yeah, here's an argument, and I'm currently representing my clients from Seattle in this legal action. What's wrong with our guy, Matt Hasselbeck, they say, other than the fact that no one knows how good he is? Well, nothing's wrong with him, actually, but the Vikings could build a pretty strong argument for Daunte Culpepper, too. That's the great thing about all-pro selecting. There are very few slam dunks, and even when there are, I'm always looking for sleepers at the position. 10 10 Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2) Their losses have come to the Chiefs and Titans. This does not disqualify them for top-10 recognition in my eyes. Tommy Maddox is turning the ball over. Tommy Maddox is playing down to his salary, which is the lowest of any starting QB (That's in the NFL. In college there are a few lower). I've queried the Wharton School of Business on this matter and the answer they've come up with is: Pay him more and he'll play better. 11 12 Baltimore Ravens (2-2) Watching them last Sunday I realized that I'd been too hard on their rookie QB, Kyle Boller. Here's the real problem. He's got only one wideout to throw to -- Travis Taylor. Sharing the other spot are used-to-be's -- No. 81, who used to be Frankie Sanders of the Cardinals, and No. 87, who used to be Marcus Robinson of the Bears. So in crunch time last Sunday, who did Boller have to go to? Todd Heap, the 252-pound tight end, split out wide and running a fly pattern 40 yards downfield into the coverage of Dexter McCleon, a cornerback who's paid to patrol such terra incognita for the big guys. So Heap tripped and fell, McCleon intercepted and Boller got the blame. 12 13 Dallas Cowboys (2-1) Poor old Z, stirring out of his blissful slumber to handicap these games, saw the Cowboys arriving in New York to face a Jets' buzzsaw. They encountered the buzzing of a fly. The passion was all on their side of the ball. They have now won two games in Giants Stadium, which is more than the combined output of the regular tenants. 13 14 New York Giants (2-1) I've covered their upcoming matchup against Miami. I've covered, indirectly, their home record. Let's see, what's left? Oh yes, DT Keith Hamilton might be back on Sunday. I'm kind of tired about reading about Hamilton. It's been quite a while since I've seen a really strong game from him. Or the D-line, either, for that matter. New York is lucky it has good, active LB's. 14 15 Washington Redskins (3-1) Sorry, I wasn't impressed with their squeaky win over the crippled Patriots. And how about their last full series, when they had to punt themselves out of trouble to keep the rampaging New Englanders from driving down the field and snatching the victory? And the 'Skins kept getting penalized, and penalized some more, and back they went, back to the 10, to the five, through the end zone, out of the parking lot, past the Beltway and up the Interstate into Delaware. And pretty soon they were punting off the Memorial Bridge and the fans were cheering in their fishing boats. OK, I've turned weird, but I'm also writing about a weird team. 15 11 Buffalo Bills (2-2) This is serious. Travis Henry is out. Does that mean that the switches must be turned to the "off" position? They had 129 yards, going into the fourth period against Philly Sunday. The previous week, Miami held them to 118 total. I have dropped them only minimally -- well, four spots -- because I still have faith in the team I predicted to win the division, but my patience is not everlasting. 16 17 St. Louis Rams (2-2) The popular angle after they blew out the Cardinals was Marc Bulger and Lamar Gordon, and who needs Warner and Faulk anyway, and the rest of that kind of blah blah. The true story, though, was a defense that allowed only 161 yards. And the real story was that it was the Cardinals they were playing. Enough stories, let's move on. 17 16 New England Patriots (2-2) There's something heroic about a team without any players almost beating a pretty decent opponent. I thought I had a handle on all the Pats injuries before the 'Skins game. Then I looked at the offensive line, which had already lost LG Mike Compton for the season. Damien Woody was hurt, inactive, and Russ Hochstein a street free agent who never started before, was at LG Sunday. And who's that at RT? I didn't even know Adrian Klemm was injured, but unless he underwent a number change, 68 ain't him. My roster, please. No. 68, Thomas F. Ashworth. Two years on the practice squad. Never started. Never even considered the possibility. And naturally he struggled. They all struggled. And on TV, the CBS team kept telling us how wonderful the 'Skins' D-line was playing. And still, the Pats almost won. No, they won't get slammed too badly in my rankings. 18 20 Green Bay Packers (2-2) Gosh, I don't know. Did you watch that Monday nighter, and were you fighting the waves of sleep, as I was? I don't like the way Brett Favre looks. He throws off his back foot half the time. He's got this thing where he sort of lobs the ball every so often. But John Madden reminded us that Favre was having fun out there, and that's the important thing. Especially to the guys who took the Pack and gave the points. 19 24 Philadelphia Eagles (1-2) Why did it take Donovan McNabb so long to start looking like McNabb, you ask? Beats me. Why are they ranked four places below a team they just defeated? That's an easier one. Because they beat the Bills, who beat the Patriots, who beat them -- the Eagles, the team from Philly in the new stadium, you know. 20 21 Oakland Raiders (2-2) Following their OT win over San Diego, this was the pronouncement of Rod Woodson, who, as USA Today said, can always be counted on "to provide a measure of wisdom and perspective." Get ready. Here it is: "We're 2-2 and we haven't played a lick of good football yet. ... That's real encouraging." Well, that's one way to look at it. What I see is an offense without a leader, but with a QB who yells at everybody and has the lowest third-down conversion rate in the AFC. Everything is cyclical. Everything changes. Hey, I'm just trying to provide a measure of wisdom and perspective. 21 18 Cleveland Browns (1-3) Kelly Holcomb plays, the Browns pull one out at the end. Kelly Holcomb sits, Tim Couch plays the Browns need a big pass at the end of their game against the Bengals but instead get intercepted. Looking at Couch's numbers -- 23 for 36, 280 yards, two TDs, one pick -- you'd say, "Hmm, pretty good day." But Cleveland was blanked on the scoreboard for the final two quarters, and then, of course, there was that turnover at the end. How long does it take a hairline fracture to heal, anyway? "Depends on how low your hairline is," says the Flaming Redhead. Ha ha ... will ya bug off, please? I'm trying to be serious here. 22 19 San Francisco 49ers (1-3) Terrell Owens falls into the category of Mid-level Pain in the Ass. He ****es all the time, but at least he plays. David Boston is a Level One Pain in the Ass. Brooding, morose, doesn't talk to the media or communicate with the coaches. Occasionally plays. Randy Moss is a Recovering Pain in the Ass. Everybody's darling these days. Hallelujah, I've been saved. Happy talk, now that his club is 4-0. What's the one thing all three have in common? Exceptional talent. 23 25 Houston Texans (2-2) I admire this team, its tenacity, the courage coach Dom Capers showedin making the bold call to go for the TD at the end of the Jags game last Sunday. I hate to admit that I haven't seen the Texans yet. There always seem to be more pressing needs, tapewise. They're on a bye this week. The week after that they're at Tennessee. That might be one to see. Wait a minute, Philly's at Dallas in the same 1 p.m. slot, and Carolina is at Indy, and Tampa Bay at Washington. See what the problem is? 24 22 Atlanta Falcons (1-3) Now it's the defense's turn to collapse. Carolina gained 361 yards against them, and 361 for the Panthers is like 500 for anyone else. Maybe a Vick return can inspire all parts of the operation, maybe it's already too late for that. 25 23 New Orleans Saints (1-3) Are they quitting already? Do they still want to play a little defense? Yeah, a tiny voice says, in Week 6 when they play the Bears in the Superdome. Boy, I wouldn't want to miss that one. 26 28 Detroit Lions (1-3) My Lions spies tell me that Joey Harrington's eternal optimism is getting on people's nerves, that he's even getting booed for it. Well, once upon a time, when the city hosted the Super Bowl, I got booed in Detroit, and that wasn't so bad, but the crank calls weren't much fun. Unless, of course, the caller remained on the line long enough to hear my answer, and what he or she got was a set of pointed suggestions and not the usual response from a dignified, aging journalist. 27 30 Cincinnati Bengals (1-3) They did it without Corey Dillon in the second half. They beat the Browns with a defense that stood firm in crunch time and did not crack. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't Marvin Lewis a super defensive coach? I think I'm on to something here. 28 26 New York Jets (0-4) Well, the front office managed to lose Herman Edwards' best players -- his finest receiver, his top O-lineman, his kicker, his good return man. And then Herman's exceptional young quarterback got hurt in the preseason. The writers made an issue out of a fake field goal that didn't work in a game against New England in Week 3 that was 6-3 at the time, which also happened to be in the second quarter. Then the owner said, "Hey, we have great talent here." But then when the writers pressed him on it, he wouldn't talk. Then last Sunday he told them to get the hell away from him. Edwards needs support, but everyone's bailing, saving his own skin. The owner's insipid behavior is the worst. Memo to Woody Johnson: You want to see how an owner with class behaves? Take a look across a couple of rivers to New Jersey ... at a guy named Wellington Mara. 29 29 San Diego Chargers (0-4) I tuned in to the end of their game against Oakland Sunday and I heard names of receivers that I'd never heard before. Poor devils, they were running around willy-nilly, running wrong routes, weird patterns, and young Drew Brees was trying to keep things together and pull off an upset that was not to be. I'd like to elevate them on pure sympathy, but the best I can come up with is a similar ranking to the one they had last week. 30 27 Arizona Cardinals (1-3) Do they deserve higher status, based on their Packers victory two weeks ago? Well, I'll entertain the argument, but that would have meant lowering the Chargers, and my conscience wouldn't let me do that. I could've moved Arizona ahead of the Jets and Lions, but the loss at St. Louis was horrendous. We're sailing in tricky waters, but I will navigate this leaky boat with a firm hand on the tiller, and we have just exhausted our nautical platitudes. 31 31 Jacksonville Jaguars (0-4) They should have employed the old flying-wedge defense and thrown back the Texans on fourth and goal. Now I say goodbye, Jaguars fans, I'm packing up and heading for the Windy City. 32 32 Chicago Bears (0-3) I don't want to seem like I'm picking on Brian Urlacher. When he was a rookie, my eyes popped open and I said, Wow! What a devastating force this guy is gonna be. Monday night he flatly stunk. He couldn't cover, the only time he made a play on a run was when he was unblocked. He was taking the wrong angle, following every fake like a dummy ... if he were anyone else he would have been benched. Then ABC did that shtick about his romance with Paris Hilton, the socialite. Ah, so? as they say in Japanese. Bye bye, Brian. Hope you enjoy your future life with the Beautiful People. Yeah, sure, the Cowboys are the best team in the NFC East. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeB Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 I like how he totally ignores the fluky penalty, but chooses to harp on the penalties. I also like how he has Dallas so high, he must be a Parcells groupie. I like the ESPN rankings better... http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=36402 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazooka Tooth Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 Dr. Z is a moron. Has he ever predicted the superbowl champ at the beggining of the season? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TC4 Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 Originally posted by BleedBurgundy&Gold Dr. Z is a moron. Has he ever predicted the superbowl champ at the beggining of the season? I think for like the last 5 or 6 years running Dr ZZZZZero has been picking the Bucs Must be on the team's payroll or something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BD Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 No-talent Assclown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarge Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 :finger: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gridironmike Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 :moon: :toilet: :pooh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skins26 Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 What happened on our last drive?? FIRST DOWN WASHINGTON!!!!!!! Not if Tom White has anything to do with it! He mentions the last offensive drive, but how bout that defensive stand!!! Did that not happen?? Did we not just go out there and take care of business in 4 downs? Blame it on the Patriots play calling or whatever but we stopped them when it had to be done. Actually the defense has come up big in clutch situations. The turnovers in the Atlanta game, the 2nd and 1 then 3rd and 1 stand in the tied Jets game. The stopping of the Giants from getting a first down at the end of regulation to give us a chance to get the ball back. For the most part the defense has stopped them when the game is on the line, except in the Giants OT but i dont think anyone was stopping them from scored on that drive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottb Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 The only thing that will cure his bias is if the Skins ever win another title. God, I hope I live to see him eat crow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tenaciousd Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 I'll never forget how in the mid-90s he would pick Denver to win the SB most every year. The one year he finally doesn't pick them, guess what happens?..... thats right, they won the SB! I liked how the Ravens lost a game and moved up. Weird comments from a weird man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMac Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 I compare Dr. Z to Howard Stern. If anyone saw Stern's movie "Private Parts" will know what I mean. In one scene it is said that the average listener who loves Howard Stern listens to his show for 30 minutes, but the listeners who HATE Stern listen on average of 60 minutes. I think most of us here love to read his articles so we can get pissed and call him a jerk wad and ask ourselves why we read his crap. It must be the suspense of how bad this "moron" as he is so often called here is gonna write next. Yes, Im guilty, I read Dr. Z and PFW and get a laugh out of it. I cant wait to see what they write next.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy-the-Greek Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 We could win the superbowl this year and his year end power rankings would have us at 15. :shoothead To put the Cowboys ahead of the Redskins and the Giants is pure BS. The Giants should be 10 and the Skins 11-12. I will never read his rankings ever again. I no longer care what he thinks and won't waste my time reading his crap.:dallasuck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spm Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 Dr. Z picked Buffalo to win the superbowl 3 years in a row (after the conference championship game when the two superbowl teams were set). That about sums up my faith in his rankings and predictions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redman Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 Consider the write-ups on the two teams in our game: 14 15 Washington Redskins (3-1)Sorry, I wasn't impressed with their squeaky win over the crippled Patriots. And how about their last full series, when they had to punt themselves out of trouble to keep the rampaging New Englanders from driving down the field and snatching the victory? And the 'Skins kept getting penalized, and penalized some more, and back they went, back to the 10, to the five, through the end zone, out of the parking lot, past the Beltway and up the Interstate into Delaware. And pretty soon they were punting off the Memorial Bridge and the fans were cheering in their fishing boats. OK, I've turned weird, but I'm also writing about a weird team. 17 16 New England Patriots (2-2) There's something heroic about a team without any players almost beating a pretty decent opponent. I thought I had a handle on all the Pats injuries before the 'Skins game. Then I looked at the offensive line, which had already lost LG Mike Compton for the season. Damien Woody was hurt, inactive, and Russ Hochstein a street free agent who never started before, was at LG Sunday. And who's that at RT? I didn't even know Adrian Klemm was injured, but unless he underwent a number change, 68 ain't him. My roster, please. No. 68, Thomas F. Ashworth. Two years on the practice squad. Never started. Never even considered the possibility. And naturally he struggled. They all struggled. And on TV, the CBS team kept telling us how wonderful the 'Skins' D-line was playing. And still, the Pats almost won. No, they won't get slammed too badly in my rankings. Let's see if I follow this reasoning . . . We're not impressive because we beat a team that is beset by injuries who he likes and praises and still has ranked number 17 because he admires their competitiveness. In short, we suck because we barely beat them; they're impressive because they almost beat us. Huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagles_Legendz Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 Originally posted by redman Consider the write-ups on the two teams in our game:Let's see if I follow this reasoning . . . We're not impressive because we beat a team that is beset by injuries who he likes and praises and still has ranked number 17 because he admires their competitiveness. In short, we suck because we barely beat them; they're impressive because they almost beat us. Huh? Redman, you're going about this all wrong. You sir, are attempting to apply logic to Dr. Z's power rankings. That simply won't work. His ratings are so skewed this week, it's humorous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terpfan Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 wow that is some pretty damn biased :pooh: right there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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