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NFL Shocker: Shockey Calls it Quits with Giants!

The Associated Press reports tonight that Jeremy Shockey, heralded Tight End for the NFL New York Giants has left the team and has no plans to return to a promising pro football career. Sources close to the controversial player reveal that Shockey became irate and visibly upset upon learning of the Giants most recent signing. Reportedly desperate to upgrade their downfield pass coverage, the Giants stunned many around the NFL by signing the first non-human cornerback in NFL franchise history.

Shockey, reportedly scuffled with the new player during his introduction when the unnamed signee tried to pick fleas from Shockeys blonde mane, and sniffed enthusiastically at his crotch.

After being clubbed with the leg from a nearby couch, Shockey was released from a local New York Hospital.

As he left the treatment center, a tearful, but humbled Shockey told bewildered reporters 'We may be playing the Redskins next Sunday, but I'll be damned if I'm suiting up with some Homo!''


Fuzzy, as the Giants new cornerback is known, will receive a $21 million dollar signing bonus, the use of Shockey's locker and blowdryer, and all the bananas and oatmeal he wants according to his agent. In a related story, Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder denies reports his talent scouts were apprehended at Washington DC's National Zoo while attempting to train a pack of aggressive Mokimbe baboons to pass block. At the Redskins daily press briefing, Champ Bailey informed reporters 'If that damn Bigfoot gets $21 million, I'm going to have to get $1 billion to feel any love...I think that freaks got 6 toes on each foot for Christ's sake...what the hell is that all about?!'

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