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Offseason thread: Things that piss me off


NewCliche21

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So, yeah, my posts aren't always the most insightful or thought out or applicable or needed or, but I pride myself on not resorting to clichés (hence the name) to fill my posts. The offseason is the worst effing time on this board, especially when we're talking about potential draft picks. There are so many ridiculous things that are constantly stated in offseason threads that mean absolutely nothing; it's just filler for people's posts to hit that ten-character limit and sound like you know what you're talking about.

If you say these things, then you don't know what the hell you're talking about, and you shouldn't be posting:

1) "He's a physical specimen" - WTF, man. Physical specimens are what I looked at through a microscope in seventh grade and couldn't differentiate between the different alleles. This term is used to describe a player who is ripped, muscular, fit, juicing, etc. without seeming like there is a man crush based on how the person looks. We all know what you're thinking; it's fine. He's ripped. You wish that you were. You're now regretting paying $200 for P90X and $300 for all of the weights that are sitting in your basement. It's okay. Just stop saying stupid things.

2) "He's a physical freak" - I saw a guy today with a stub for a sixth finger. That is a physical freak. A guy who is muscular is not a physical freak. If you try to defend this with, "Blah, blah, blah, he works out so much ZOMG so he's a freak with his workouts OMG OMG OMG no homo!" or the like, then you're proving my point. He's fit. He looks like he works out a lot. He's not a freak unless he can kick you in the face with his fifth foot.

3) "His mechanics are flawed" - Really? What, exactly, are a player's mechanics? If you knew what the hell that you were talking about, then you would be more specific. You'd talk about where he holds the ball, his point of release, the fluidity of his hips, throwing off of the correct foot, etc. If you don't know what you're talking about, then you say, "his mechanics are bad." This also happens in politics, saying, "He's destroying America!" or "Our civil liberties are being drained away!" It doesn't mean anything if you can't specify something.

4) "He fits [coach X]'s system" - Uh-huh? What, exactly, is Coach Gibbs/Zorn/Shanahan's system? What is an Air Coryell offense? What is a West Coast Offense? What height, weight, three-cone, 40-yard, etc. can you quantify or reasonably qualify to back up your assertion that he does/does not fit a given coach's system? What IS that coach's system? WHY does he not fit? Blanket statements are all stupid. Bonus points if you caught that one.

5a) "He's a great prospect" - No ****, Sherlock. That's why he's one of the top 230-something eligible football players the entire country. It's like opening Forbes magazine, pointing to someone in it NOT in a charity piece, and saying, "He's a rich guy." Is the player one of the best at his position? One of the best at a position for which we need help?

5b) "He's the greatest prospect at [player position] since [Hall of Famer]." - Every single draft has one or two or more people who look like they are going to be Hall of Famers. Why else would you draft these players, especially in the top ten, if you didn't think that they were going to be the best? JaMarcus Russell was an INCREDIBLE prospect, one of the best ever, better than Elway, aaaaaaand? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the guy buying a Pringles factory with his "best ever" signing bonus and chomping down the entire inventory.

6) "We need/He is a stud [position]." - My wife married a stud. We don't need me on a football team.

7) "He has/has no upside." - Based on? This can be used in conjunction with an explanation, but when you say this by itself, you are typing to accelerate the onset of arthritis and make my Medicare/Medicaid contributions even higher, so stop.

8) "He is a raw player." - That's good. If he were deep-fried, then we would have a major problem. Again, pairing this with something else would mean something, unless it's with something else in this list.

9) "He is/is not NFL ready." - This isn't one of the worst, but how can you qualify or quantify this? Is he inexperienced? Does he not play his position correctly? Would he better serve at a different position? Why?

10) "I've seen flashes of talent." - Get your eyes checked? When does the player perform well/poorly? What is "talent" and how can I see what you're seeing without smoking whatever you're smoking?

11) "He's a good value." - Awesome. Let me know his symbol on the NYSE or NASDAQ and I'll invest.

12) "Trade back and get [X pick(s) in Y round(s) to get Z player(s) because he/they will be there in Y round(s)]" - Trading back/down is not automatic; it requires another team. The draft point chart is not used by every team and is certainly circumstantial. If you knew where each player was going to be picked, then there's no point in the draft at all and it's already been determined. It's not, so stop saying that this player will be in that round, because you're not psychic. If you were psychic, then you would've already known about this thread and about how stupid you sound.

There are more, but these are the twelve that come off of the top of my head right now. Let's talk about where our next Ring/Hall of Famer is right now, what he would be like, and why/why not current potential draft picks are/are not that player. Who will be our nose tackle? Who is going to complement (NOT compliment) Orakpo? What are Mike/Kyle looking for in a quarterback, and how does that paradigm compare to who we might draft. We're educated people here, not Cowboys/Eagles fans.

Yes, someone pissed in my cereal this morning. It was annoying. And that begot this thread.

***Note: Exceptions made for LL56, TK, JSteelz, Dukes 'N Skins, stevemcqueen, KDawg, Enter Apotheosis, and others who know who they are. If you think that you are one of the "others", then you're probably not, so stop giving yourself a pat on the back and start giving yourself a lashing if you say these things with any regularity.

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I think we should trade back and get that physical freakish specimen Robert Quinn. His mechanics may be flawed but he fits the Shannahan system. He is a great prospect and hes going to be the next LT. New Cliche's wife says he is a real stud and showed flashes of RAW talent. Bob, as she calls him is NFL ready and a great value apposed to her usual cup of tea.

Nice sucking up at the end.

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Good Lord man, Kiper and McShay must make you want to climb a clocktower with a rifle this time of year. They say at least 10 of those almost every time one of them appears on TV.

No clock tower, but definitely something to make my premiums go up. It's ridiculous. Say something or don't say anything.

At least those guys get paid for it and spend their time really doing their research/reading what their interns have researched. On here, it's Bob from Account Temps explaining that we need Locker because he fits Shanahan's style while John from fleet management says that we don't need Locker because he doesn't fit style, and both of their arguments are based on a highlight reel on YouTube.

---------- Post added March-30th-2011 at 06:31 PM ----------

Am I the only one who finds it humorous that the guy with "New Cliche" as his name spent all this time to put up a rant about how much he hates cliches?

Glad that you understand the reason for the handle. :)

I think we should trade back and get that physical freakish specimen Robert Quinn. His mechanics may be flawed but he fits the Shannahan system. He is a great prospect and hes going to be the next LT. New Cliche's wife says he is a real stud and showed flashes of RAW talent. Bob, as she calls him is NFL ready and a great value apposed to her usual cup of tea.

Nice sucking up at the end.

1) I haven't seen someone fail that hard in a long time at a joke that was handed to him on a silver platter. Congrats on your uniqueness there, champ.

2) Sucking up? To who? For what purpose? Thanks for providing another example of how clichés and blanket statements mean absolutely nothing when not backed up.

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[

1) I haven't seen someone fail that hard in a long time at a joke that was handed to him on a silver platter. Congrats on your uniqueness there, champ.

2) Sucking up? To who? For what purpose? Thanks for providing another example of how clichés and blanket statements mean absolutely nothing when not backed up.

Oh I see your rant is an attempt at humour. Ha. Ha. Me get it. I dont like it as it comes across condescending. Pretty hard to dictate what people say on the internet. As far as sucking up, I was referring to your list of exceptable members who meet your criteria of how the english language is communicated when it pertains to the football.

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Things that piss me off are the amount of picks New England has and how dumb my team continues to be givin picks away. NE has 7 picks in the first 4 rounds this year and that ******* just makes me so damn angry. Like seriously. When are we going to stack up picks like them. Shanahan has a big strike for the McNabb thing but all I ask is that he stays to his recent words and stacks picks up for this team in the future.

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I think I can speak for most people on the board in saying that those phrases are something that are, in fact, useful. When those phrases are used they have a connotation that is associated with all of them through experience. For example, He is a physical freak means that he is more athletically talented than most others at his position and will not need to worry about his athleticism in the jump to the NFL. It is much easier to type the first one than the second one. Another good example would be Such and Such quarterback would be a good fit in Shanahan's system. That is much quicker to say than to have to say Such and Such QB has all of the necessary traits to run Shannahan's offense because of his good arm strength, his ability to move outside the pocket, and his ability to throw intermediate routes with good poise and accuracy.

Essentially I agree with you, that those catchphrases are overused, but I find it very useful as a way to quickly detirmine information about a player without having to worry about running through long and arduous phrases.

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I never use any of those phrases...instead I say "he sucks" and most of the time I back it up. I also say "I like player X,Y,Z) and thats about it.

That's even worse than what's being described in the OP, I'm sure NC21 would agree.

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[

1) I haven't seen someone fail that hard in a long time at a joke that was handed to him on a silver platter. Congrats on your uniqueness there, champ.

2) Sucking up? To who? For what purpose? Thanks for providing another example of how clichés and blanket statements mean absolutely nothing when not backed up.

Oh I see your rant is an attempt at humour. Ha. Ha. Me get it. I dont like it as it comes across condescending. Pretty hard to dictate what people say on the internet. As far as sucking up, I was referring to your list of exceptable members who meet your criteria of how the english language is communicated when it pertains to the football.

Whew. It's like a spell check exploded. If the post comes across as condescending, then it's probably referring to you. Sorry.

As far as sucking up, as you put it, I listed those who I have seen give real information or educated opinions as opposed to being catch phrase machines.

I think I can speak for most people on the board in saying that those phrases are something that are, in fact, useful. When those phrases are used they have a connotation that is associated with all of them through experience. For example, He is a physical freak means that he is more athletically talented than most others at his position and will not need to worry about his athleticism in the jump to the NFL. It is much easier to type the first one than the second one. Another good example would be Such and Such quarterback would be a good fit in Shanahan's system. That is much quicker to say than to have to say Such and Such QB has all of the necessary traits to run Shannahan's offense because of his good arm strength, his ability to move outside the pocket, and his ability to throw intermediate routes with good poise and accuracy.

Essentially I agree with you, that those catchphrases are overused, but I find it very useful as a way to quickly detirmine information about a player without having to worry about running through long and arduous phrases.

Well, we agree and then disagree. The definitions of each of these phrases vary so widely that it's incomprehensible when one tries to get a feel for what someone is saying regarding a player. Haynesworth is a stud nose tackle according to some. Then he's really good? No, he's really bad. Saying that this quarterback fits into Shanahan's system, without showing that you (the poster, not you personally) knows what the hell Shanahan's system is, is pretty worthless and just repeating a talking point with no real substance.

if its pissing you off so much, maybe you should take some time off the board. Ever thought about that?

Haters gon' hate. Like casting pearls before swine. Lots of potential bonus points for that one.

I never use any of those phrases...instead I say "he sucks" and most of the time I back it up. I also say "I like player X,Y,Z) and thats about it.

See below.

That's even worse than what's being described in the OP, I'm sure NC21 would agree.

Yep. But ATL has proven himself to be a troll, that's his role, so it's whatevs.

After reading that, then I would suggest on draft day, do NOT turn on the television.

Go to NFL.com and just keep pressing the refresh button or something.

That's EXACTLY what I did when we got Orakpo. Thought that the site was bugged when he dropped to thirteen. Last year I just turned the TV on and muted it while doing some paperwork on the couch, glancing up occasionally to see how much time we had left on the clock. When it was our time, I turned it on, saw Williams take his pictures, and that was that. Definitely one of the upsides of only having one pick on the first day.

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I've always been a big fan of "That's what you get with "a" <insert players name>". Damn it, he's not "a" <players name>, he is <players name>.

Another thing I can't stand, is the people who think if we sign any FAs, we are doing it wrong. Every single team signs FAs. Last season was the worst FA offseason since the beginning of the FA era and next year there may be 500 FAs and we might have $53 million to spend. Better get over us doing what every other team always does.

That's even worse than what's being described in the OP, I'm sure NC21 would agree.

Yeah, that is worse. :ols:

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Haters gon' hate. Like casting pearls before swine. Lots of potential bonus points for that one.

This is how I feel when I'm talking to my friends who are Eagles and Giants fans :doh: They don't even possess the football "smarts" to appreciate what I'm talking about when we watch games together. And then I have to deal with their bragging..so many pigs, so many of my "pearls" gone to waste :(

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Well, we agree and then disagree. The definitions of each of these phrases vary so widely that it's incomprehensible when one tries to get a feel for what someone is saying regarding a player. Haynesworth is a stud nose tackle according to some. Then he's really good? No, he's really bad. Saying that this quarterback fits into Shanahan's system, without showing that you (the poster, not you personally) knows what the hell Shanahan's system is, is pretty worthless and just repeating a talking point with no real substance.

I think that where we choose to disagree is in the depth of understanding of people on this board. There are obviously some posts that are nothing but a catchphrase, and those are utter wastes of time, but using those terms actually does have some consistent underpinning especially when talking about players in the league. When you hear a player being described as a freak, a monster, or a stud it bespeaks of a certain level of athleticism. When you hear a player be described as blue collar, playing with a chip on their shoulder, or a player who keeps their motor running you assume lesser athleticism but a very strong work ethic. It is tough to sift through all the surface bs that goes along with what is being said, but most of those cliche's actually do describe players to an extent.

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That's even worse than what's being described in the OP, I'm sure NC21 would agree.

No, it is better. I back up my "he sucks" phrases and when I say I like someone then that is all. I'm not going to say he is better than player X. I just personally like a guy. Plus i'm not going to try to convince you to like him. And I am not a troll...and just say what needs to be said and the truth hurts. I like Vick, Shanahan made the team worse, and Redskin fans are desperate for QBs so they discuss drafting horrible QBs like Devlin, Locker, and Stanzi and every QB in the 2010 draft not named Gabbert.

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