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Spanking your child; what's wrong with it?


SkinsNumberOne

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Are you serious? You honestly don't believe that a person is capable of assessing how "normal" they are, given a good understanding of general societal norms?

Yes, I am. I feel like you're thinking in terms of black and white. Like if someone was spanked as a child and they're not in jail as adults they must've turned out normal or ok. I'm simply saying that should never be the case at all. You don't know that persons compulsions, addictions, sexual fetishes (and most of the time someone either isn't going to admit them or is in complete denial about it). How much did spanking play a role in that? How much did mommy and daddy not giving you enough hugs play a role in that? How much did 1 of 1 million different situations play in who you are today? I don't know, but I'm curious as to what other people have to say about that... which I think is what this thread is about?

What's my point again? That just saying you turned out ok is a cop out.

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I'm not saying it makes it okay- I'm just saying it takes the control out of your hands as a parent a little bit. You just never know where a kid is going to pick up certain habits/behavioral patterns.

I understand that, but a parent should have the ultimate control and influence in a childs life.

If the parents are the ones showing that a little violence is okay in the home, that's a pretty core and fundamental place to start teaching it to the kid.

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My siblings and I were spanked as children, and my dad was always very level headed about it. He was never angry, told us exactly what we were being punished for, and we always knew what actions would be cause for a spanking ahead of time (mostly hurting other people, lying, and throwing fits, and disrespecting authority.) Most of all, it was done in a very loving way. I'm glad I was spanked as a child, it's probably kept me out of more serious trouble as I grew up and I've always had respect for authority.

---------- Post added February-21st-2011 at 09:39 PM ----------

I could definitely see myself yelling and doing that arm squeezing thing my parents used to do. I don't think I have it in me to spank though. I don't look down on anyone who does it, but like someone said before, it always seemed unnecessary and more for the parents' benefit. I don't think it did much good, and other punishments would have been just as effective.

Honestly, I think yelling is way worse psychologically for a child than lovingly and telling them what they did wrong in a normal voice, calmly giving them a spanking, and then hugging them after and telling them that you love them. Yelling conveys to the child that you're out of control and somehow angry with them. You always want to be calm and in control.

Also, it's VERY important to NEVER hit with your hand. Use a wooden spoon. Hand are for helping and love, spoons are for spanking. It's good for the child to know the difference.

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I think that the people who classify spanking as "physical violence" are the same people who would sue me for assault if I accidentally dropped a can in a grocery store and it rolled 3 feet across the aisle and tapped them in the foot. Physical violence is what happened to my dad when he was little. Getting whipped with the belt, getting beat- not spanked. Actual hitting using the fist, or slapping quite hard. I don't classify a spanking as something which will cause real pain for the child involved, much like a slap on the wrist. It'll sting for 10 seconds and then its fine, no damage done. I hardly would call that physical violence.

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I think that the people who classify spanking as "physical violence" are the same people who would sue me for assault if I accidentally dropped a can in a grocery store and it rolled 3 feet across the aisle and tapped them in the foot. Physical violence is what happened to my dad when he was little. Getting whipped with the belt, getting beat- not spanked. Actual hitting using the fist, or slapping quite hard. I don't classify a spanking as something which will cause real pain for the child involved, much like a slap on the wrist. It'll sting for 10 seconds and then its fine, no damage done. I hardly would call that physical violence.

Yes, but your opinion is yours and others have theirs.

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Yes, but your opinion is yours and others have theirs.

While that's true, I do think one has to distinguish between a controlled spanking and beating. It's irresponsible and intellectually dishonest to lump every, single physical act into one bucket. The-Rock makes a good point...I've had to spank my son before and it would be a stretch to even use the word "spank" to be honest with you. I've playfully smacked my wife's ass harder than I spanked his upper legs. The point wasn't to harm him (which, to me, is physical violence). The point was to get his attention.

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It's still violence... on the spectrum of violence it's on the low end, but if someone throws a drink in your face that's an act of violence. It's also one unlikely to harm, but it is a violent act nontheless. I do think we need to distinguish because 95% of spankings are not violence that one should consider abuse (making % off the top of my head), but it still an act whose purpose is to deliver punishment and pain physically.

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It's still violence... on the spectrum of violence it's on the low end, but if someone throws a drink in your face that's an act of violence. It's also one unlikely to harm, but it is a violent act nontheless. I do think we need to distinguish because 95% of spankings are not violence that one should consider abuse (making % off the top of my head), but it still an act whose purpose is to deliver punishment and pain physically.

OK, I see what you mean. Maybe in my head I'm confusing violence and abuse...since I agree with you that the majority of spankings are not abuse, I too think it's good to distinguish. Good clarification though...it still is technically violence.

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While that's true, I do think one has to distinguish between a controlled spanking and beating. It's irresponsible and intellectually dishonest to lump every, single physical act into one bucket. The-Rock makes a good point...I've had to spank my son before and it would be a stretch to even use the word "spank" to be honest with you. I've playfully smacked my wife's ass harder than I spanked his upper legs. The point wasn't to harm him (which, to me, is physical violence). The point was to get his attention.

For the record, I explicitly agreed with your opinion earlier...

I was not spanked but I don't see what's wrong with it in certain instances. I agree with TD, spanking and hitting out of rage are two very different things. But my parents and I have had this talk before and they don't see why people spank their kids over small things. I figure you'd spank when they do something really wrong at least. But parenting ain't an easy job and even though I'm not one yet, thinking back to stupid things I did and how my parents handled it, I know it's difficult and you're going to make mistakes.

---------- Post added February-21st-2011 at 07:37 PM ----------

I'm just saying his opinion is his and theirs is theirs.

---------- Post added February-22nd-2011 at 11:05 AM ----------

They're wrong, bro. Spanking leaves you with a sting that will only last a few seconds. There can't be anything permanent or actually damaging about it

Physically or psychologically because if you're not talking about the latter, then you are plain wrong.

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Kosher - Oh jeez, let's not get into that kind of abuse.

So you agree.

I grew up as a military kid. Dad was tough, Mom was tougher.

Was spanked when I acted a fool as a kid and probably deserved it most times.

I see people all the time that need a good smack. And so do most of us.

I guess some people actually think those people need therapy. Nope, they just need to get their butt kicked.

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