Football Telecast Sketch Parody

[Rpredskins]

A little something I wrote. I write plenty of comedy but this is the only sketch comedy I've done. It just sort of came together after watching so much football.

Note that Jamarcus is supposed to be white and Wang Martinez is black. Obviously this is only noticable if performed but it explains the odd names. Jamarcus is based on John Madden and picture Wang as Deion Sanders.

Jamarcus: Hello and welcome to Wall Street Financial Investment 401K Portfolio Stadium, I'm Jamarcus Black here with my colleague Wang Martinez. We're looking forward to a great game between the rival Woodchucks and Beavers. Why don't you tell us what's in store today, Wang.

Wang: Well, we have two of the top teams coming into a pivotal game to determine who goes to the playoffs and who will be watching the championship from their couch, like you did for most of your career Jamarcus.

Jamarcus: I actually was at the game last year, Wang.

Wang: I meant your playing career, not your broadcasting career.

Jamarcus: Okay, well how about some of the matchups?

Wang: There's some pretty decent players on both sides, none of whom are as good as I was, but it should be enjoyable to see who wins the war of attrition and the team that makes the least awful mistakes should have reason to celebrate- much like I did after I won my 3 rings, except to a much lesser extent.

Jamarcus: Minimizing turnovers will be a key factor, you just can't let balls get away from you. But I think, in the end, its pretty ironical that so many things go on in a football game but ultimately the most important thing is just to win. Based on what we've seen all season it looks like the team who scores more points today is going to come away with a victory.

Wang: That's definitely a good point.

Jamarcus: Because the thing about football is, you either win, or you lose. And sometimes you can tie. That would be in a situation where both teams score the same amount. Irregardless, I'm looking forward to seeing some big men pile up and play some gritty, sweaty football.

Wang: We are joined now by our female sideline reporter, Angela, who spoke with the Beavers' coach a moment ago. What do you have for us, sweetheart?

Angela: Coach Smith was confident during warmups that his play-action based scheme can take advantage of a weak Woodchucks secondary. He plans to utilize his stable of tailbacks to establish the run between the tackles and look for an opportunity to go deep when the safeties cheat up and leave his fast receivers in single coverage. He doesn't underestimate the Woodchucks however, as they have a great playmaker and leader at linebacker who can read the offense and help the other 10 guys make adjustments.

Wang: Thanks, Angela.

Jamarcus: Boy isn't it great that they let her do her thing down there? Now back to the real analysis.

Wang: Here's an interesting statistic: teams that have punted from their own 43 yard line on their opening possession have gone 13-1 over the past 3 years. If I were coach Smith I would look to exploit that.

Jamarcus: Definitely, if I were him I would shoot for that 43 yard marker and punt it away, even if it's not 4th down. As you pointed out, it virtually guarantees success.

Wang: We'll take a quick break before kickoff, don't go anywhere, I'll be right back.

....

Jamarcus: Jamarcus Black and Wang Martinez here. We're back at Wall Street Financial Investment 401K Portfolio Stadium. 7:35 left to go in the half. The first quarter went quickly, with some long drives that both teams failed to finish, but the Beavers finally managed to score on a deep play action.

Wang: Also of note, the Woodchucks fullback sufferred a groin injury.

Jamarcus: I used to get groin pulls and I'd go and see Ben the trainer for a deep tissue massage. Great guy. Great physique.

Wang: Huh?

Jamarcus: The Woodchucks are set to receive a punt now after star quarterback Chuck Johnson narrowly escaped losing a fumble. Some have criticized his turnovers this season, and more still are tired of what they perceive as a diva attitude which he doesn't back up on the field.

Wang: You've gotta have the rings, man. No rings, no status. On that play he was lucky to hold onto it.

Jamarcus: He's had trouble hanging onto balls, especially on the QB waggle. But they still call the play because Johnson has good legs for a QB and it gives him the option to run for a first down. As a football fan, I love seeing a loose Johnson.

Wang: That could have been phrased better.

Jamarcus: Thats how the Black-Wang telecast goes, my friend.

Wang: Same with that.

Jamarcus: I'll try. Here comes the long snapper for the Beavers. The last punt was muffed by Bush.

Wang: Whistles blown, looks like an illegal touching call.

Jamarcus: Nipple.

Wang: Come on, man.

Jamarcus: I'm seeing a therapist.

Wang: Punt is away now, fair caught by Bush. We'll be right back after the break.

To be continued

[Rexx1240]

Gotta admit, i chuckled quite a bit & even laughed out loud once or twice.