WP: Four in 10 say marriage is becoming obsolete

[Elessar78]

By HOPE YEN

The Associated Press

Thursday, November 18, 2010; 6:20 AM

WASHINGTON -- Is marriage becoming obsolete?

As families gather for Thanksgiving this year, nearly one in three American children is living with a parent who is divorced, separated or never-married. More people are accepting the view that wedding bells aren't needed to have a family.

A study by the Pew Research Center, in association with Time magazine, highlights rapidly changing notions of the American family. And the Census Bureau, too, is planning to incorporate broader definitions of family when measuring poverty, a shift caused partly by recent jumps in unmarried couples living together.

About 29 percent of children under 18 now live with a parent or parents who are unwed or no longer married, a fivefold increase from 1960, according to the Pew report being released Thursday. Broken down further, about 15 percent have parents who are divorced or separated and 14 percent who were never married. Within those two groups, a sizable chunk - 6 percent - have parents who are live-in couples who opted to raise kids together without getting married.

Indeed, about 39 percent of Americans said marriage was becoming obsolete. And that sentiment follows U.S. census data released in September that showed marriages hit an all-time low of 52 percent for adults 18 and over.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/11/18/AR2010111800549.html?hpid=topnews

[Riggo-toni]

I think people are confusing obsolete with torturous,miserable,ruinous......

[Pick6]

I don't think it is obsolete, but I do think it has dropped from being a #1 priority for a lot of people. I am not worried about ever getting married, if it happens it happens. I got my career and getting my MBA to focus on. I am fine if I don't get married until I am forty. I do think 52% sounds about right, because about half my friends do want to get married before 30 and the other half don't care.

[Rocky21]

So bitter, alone, divorced people are down on marriage. Never would have guessed that.

[jbooma]

Lets face it we live in a different wold now, things change. If people do not want to get married thats their right, it isn't for everyone. Marriage is like a business, you have your ups and downs, but you don't get married just because of the high parts. No one (including the religious right) should tell others how to live your life. Not everyone feels they need to go to church to every week to connect with a god or their faith. This is a different mindset to even 20 years ago.

I would also tell young kids do not even THINK of marriage before you are happy with your life and where you are at. You can't make someone else happy until you are happy yourself.

[Tweedr01]

I would also tell young kids do not even THINK of marriage before you are happy with your life and where you are at. You can't make someone else happy until you are happy yourself.

I wish people would do this more often, this issue wouldn't be so large if people got their stuff together before combining their problems with someone elses. My wife has a friend who constantly complains that she can't ever find a man and she won't ever get married, or how the guy she is dating right now doesn't want to jump into a long term relationship....it's because you have issues, lol! Get your stuff together before you start worrying about getting married, or heck, even into a serious relationship. And it's not like making that your #1 priority is gonna make it easier, in fact I'd say if you weren't out looking for the one, you'd probably have one fall into your lap! /rant

sorry, she came over and complained again last night. my wife finally kicked her out before my south park started so i didn't have to hear her cry and ruin the shake weight.

[Chachie]

So bitter, alone, divorced people are down on marriage. Never would have guessed that.

Not true!! I happen to be bitter, alone, and never married.

Seriously though I have always thought that having children is the only reason to get married. Other than that it's just an unnecessary contract that 50+% of the time will end up a regrettable decision.

[alexey]

I blame Disney. They mislead people with that whole "live happily ever after" crap. Marriage is not easy.

Also the culture of instant gratification in general, and maybe distortion of gender roles. For example, a divorced friend of mine keeps claiming that I've given up my balls. This claim is grounded in the fact that I stopped coming out and getting ****faced every other night. I cannot even being to explain to him what real courage looks like.

[Rocky21]

it's just an unnecessary contract that 50+% of the time will end up a regrettable decision.

True true.

[GhostofSparta]

I didn't notice a breakdown by sex (or maybe I just missed it), but I'd guess this feeling is more common among men. What incentive, outside of religion in most cases, does a young man have to get married, especially young? A 20-something bachelor can date around, sleep around, hang out with his buddies, and have all the disposable income he wants, provided there's no kid in the picture. If he does get married young, he might lose his single friends, loses half his stuff is he's one of the unlucky 50%, and if he has a kid with the woman, he's financially screwed for the next 18 years. So to guys my age, if you don't get married and are smart enough to remember to use condoms, then marriage is seen as nothing but a hindrance to the new-found freedom that guys in their 20's enjoy thanks to the women's lib movement.

[Ellis]

Marriage isn't for everyone.

It's not a miserable experience for a lot of people.

I spent my 20's getting all the wild times out of my system. Loved every second of it. I always knew I'd get married one day b/c frankly, I like the idea of spending the rest of your life with one person. I'm glad I did not do it at a young age. I am lucky to have crossed paths with a girl I have known since about age 6 or 7. We are getting married next summer and we know it's going to be up and down. We want to have children that have both parents so that she can stay home with them for at least 2 or 3 years while I work for all of us. We just feel that a child deserves to have that kind of attention at a young age and it should be the PARENTS who give the child that attention. These are our personal values. We know there are many ways to go about parenting.

[No_Pressure]

Marriage is a struggle, but if you know what you're doing I feel that it gives you major advantages for life and raising children let alone a human being's emotional and uhh...physical needs.

Unless of course you **** up and marry the wrong person for you. Thats why the divorce rate is so high.

[Brad_Edwards_Fan]

Something that always bothers me as just a misleading (although technically correct stat) is the 1/2 weddings ending in divorce. I cant recall the specifics of the numbers, but i recall reading that a person who has had a divorce is way more likely to have a second, third, etc divorce. Apparently it really skews the numbers. I think of a personal application of this when im together with my mom and her 2 siblings. All three of them have been married, my mom and one brother once and the other brother has been divorced twice. There you have 50% of the marriages ending in divorce, but only 33% of people have had a divorce. I think the growing number of people with multiple divorces really throw off the numbers.

[Bootleg]

I never really carried about marriage... Then I met my girlfriend....

I love her very much and want to spend the rest of my life with her.

However, I'm not thinking about marrying out of love. I'm thinking about marrying for the benefits.

My girlfriend is a blue collar worker who has absolutely no benefits and is not a permanent resident.

My white collar job allows me to spread my benefits (health/dental/vision insurance) and so on to my spouse, not to mention getting her a greencard, and the tax breaks.

That's pretty much the only reason I'm considering marriage to be honest.... If I could live happily ever after without an expensive wedding ceremony, I'd do it... But too many pros (when you include a prenuptial)

[Fergasun]

No surprise given that society doesn't value marriage. Marriage is hard work. My wife is my best friend and we are growing closer as the years draw on.

In all honesty I couldn't be at this point without Jesus Christ in my life, and His grace. Even Christians buy books called "Boy Meets Girl" to learn about courtship, dating, and marriage. The ugly truth is that Christians should be writing books called "When crazy witch meets idiot a-hole" and talking about how only through the grace of God can the crazy witch and idiot a-hole even survive their first couple of "crisis situations". My wife and I laugh at the materials and marriage counseling we got... they all want to focus on the good things (yes, and I did in my first sentence) and not talk about how much you will drive each other into the arms of God (of course the problem is many people won't turn to God for marriage issues, they'll turn to the guy/gal at the office who "understands everything"). I can only say I'm a recovering idiot a-hole, by the grace of God, and I'm enjoy loving my crazy-witch-wife and am glad she loves me.

[twa]

No surprise given that society doesn't value marriage. .

Parts of society anyway...interesting stat

college graduates are now far more likely to marry (64%) than those with no higher education (48%

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2031962,00.html#ixzz15jBmcZDB

[Veretax]

Here is what I don't get, in the old days, before the government got involved, how did people get married? I'd love to see someone do an expose on that and then realize that there is more to being Married then just getting a Cert from some government official.

[TheLongshot]

Here is what I don't get, in the old days, before the government got involved, how did people get married? I'd love to see someone do an expose on that and then realize that there is more to being Married then just getting a Cert from some government official.

At least from the European Christian perspective, Marriage was the domain of the church. Many marriages were arranged. It was around the Protestant Reformation that the state got involved with marriages. (See: Henry VIII, for example)

[Reic]

Parts of society anyway...interesting stat

college graduates are now far more likely to marry (64%) than those with no higher education (48%

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2031962,00.html#ixzz15jBmcZDB

Thats interesting, my psychology book for psychology of sex says college graduates are less likely to get married, specifically women with degrees.

[AsburySkinsFan]

At least from the European Christian perspective, Marriage was the domain of the church. Many marriages were arranged. It was around the Protestant Reformation that the state got involved with marriages. (See: Henry VIII, for example)

Now it's a way the government keeps track of tax status. I for one would love if we went back to a separation of church marriage and civic unions.

[Kosher Ham]

Now it's a way the government keeps track of tax status. I for one would love if we went back to a separation of church marriage and civic unions.

I don't do this often, but...QFT. And I know you meant "civil".

Question for you though, if the Church was indeed separate, would it be considered a business ? Therefore taxed as such ?

[Tweedr01]

No surprise given that society doesn't value marriage. Marriage is hard work. My wife is my best friend and we are growing closer as the years draw on.

In all honesty I couldn't be at this point without Jesus Christ in my life, and His grace. Even Christians buy books called "Boy Meets Girl" to learn about courtship, dating, and marriage. The ugly truth is that Christians should be writing books called "When crazy witch meets idiot a-hole" and talking about how only through the grace of God can the crazy witch and idiot a-hole even survive their first couple of "crisis situations". My wife and I laugh at the materials and marriage counseling we got... they all want to focus on the good things (yes, and I did in my first sentence) and not talk about how much you will drive each other into the arms of God (of course the problem is many people won't turn to God for marriage issues, they'll turn to the guy/gal at the office who "understands everything"). I can only say I'm a recovering idiot a-hole, by the grace of God, and I'm enjoy loving my crazy-witch-wife and am glad she loves me.

If there was a 'like' button, I would like this post.

[Rocky21]

In all honesty I couldn't be at this point without Jesus Christ in my life, and His grace. Even Christians buy books called "Boy Meets Girl" to learn about courtship, dating, and marriage.

I had no idea there were how to date books published for Christians. Now I do.

[Ned Flanders]

Why buy the cow when the milk is free?

[rictus58]

Why buy the cow when the milk is free?

When you look at the opposite sex as property, that's a problem right there.