sashae Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Feel free to roll your eyes: http://espn.go.com/page2/s/tmq/030826.html ---- Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons: And so begins Year Five in the evil reign of Lord Voldemort (Dan Synder). Entering the fifth year of his evil reign, Voldemort is on his fourth head coach, fifth defensive coordinator, fourth offensive coordinator, sixth starting quarterback and 11th placekicker. The Persons are 23-26 under Voldemort. They had a winning record in the comparable period before Snyder arrived and put his canny management principles into effect. Take for example John Hall, Snyder kicker No. 11 in five years. All his predecessors were ordered waived by Snyder after missing a kick. In 2000 alone, Snyder went through five placekickers, ending the season by bringing back the first one he'd cut. That same year, the Persons lost two games on last-minute field-goal honks, and just missed the playoffs: had Lord Voldemort simply kept his nose out of football operations, the Persons might have been in the postseason. This year Snyder personally picked Hall as his new guy, perhaps unaware that Hall had four placement kicks blocked in 2002. How long 'til Hall clangs one off a lineman's backside and feels Voldemort's wrath? The Persons spent freely in the offseason, bringing in more free agents than any other team. But did they spend wisely? Snyder made most of the personnel selections, and seemed to have a knack for offers to gentlemen their original teams did not fight to keep. For his part Dobby the Elf (Steve Spurrier) prepared for his 2002 inaugural season the way he prepared for a year at Florida -- by fussing with the skill players and simply assuming the upfront beef would be overpowering. At football factory schools there is always an unlimited crew of 300-pound-plus genetic mutants to do the blocking; Dobby seemed to assume it would be that way in the NFL too, and last year obsessed over receivers and other flashy skinny types while ignoring the Persons' emergency paucity of guards. The 2002 offense was awful in part owing to awful interior blocking. This offseason, Spurrier dealt with the guard problem but seemed to make the same foolish assumption about unlimited large mutants on defense, waiving both the Persons' starting defensive tackles as if this wouldn't cause a huge hole. It's not even clear what waiving both starting DTs accomplished. Freeing up funds to sign DE Regan Upshaw? Snyder cannily gave him a $2 million bonus, when the Raiders didn't even want Upshaw back. That bonus works out to $1 million per sack Upshaw recorded in 2002. Rare redeeming quality of Persons: Snyder's is the only NFL team with African Americans at both the offensive and defensive coordinator posts. Kiss of death: Lord Voldemort said on the 2001 day he hired Spurrier, "I'm fully committed to him, no matter what. He is the head coach for five years at a minimum. I'm going to stand by him through hard times. I will stand by Coach Spurrier for however long it takes." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Funkyalligator Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 This guy is smoking lots of crack!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Evil Genius Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons: And so begins Year Five in the evil reign of Lord Voldemort (Dan Synder). Who's Dan Synder? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Well, Snyder was the owner in 1999 and his record, including playoffs is 34-32. If you want to throw out 1999 his record as an owner is 23-25. Is it hard, really, to be accurate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aREDSKIN Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 This guy is a big & I mean big POS. ESPN should really get a editor that has some common sence before publishing this nitrogen laden liquid excrement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilMonkeyBoy Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Used to think the guy was funny, then he started this whole Voldemort and Dobby thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skins24 Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Kiss of death: Lord Voldemort said on the 2001 day he hired Spurrier ? I thought this was Spurrier's second year.... Snyder went through five placekickers, ending the season by bringing back the first one he'd cut. That same year, the Persons lost two games on last-minute field-goal honks, and just missed the playoffs: had Lord Voldemort simply kept his nose out of football operations, the Persons might have been in the postseason. I could have sworn Conway got injured that year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BD Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 As a church-going Christian -- TMQ was in this church on Sunday -- I find it deeply embarrassing when Christianity is associated, in the public eye, with hucksters like Moore. As a church-going Christian, I find it deeply embarassing when Christianity is associated with self-important New Republic writers who think they know jack about sports and try to cover for their lack of knowledge by posting cheesecake pics. TMQ used to be smart and funny, but now he's just stupid and unfunny. I think Slate edited him well, but ESPN isn't editing him at all, and he's getting away with spouting all kinds of claptrap. BD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horseman Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Originally posted by EvilMonkeyBoy Used to think the guy was funny, then he started this whole Voldemort and Dobby thing. Likewise bro, likewise.... I hate the fncking basturd.:finger: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 We waived Gardener? These idiots are so keen to bash Snyder and Spurrier they just make crap up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CBMGreatOne Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Yeah, three major factual errors. A. Conway's injury debunks his kicker juggling point (Husted, Heppner, and Murray SUCKED). B. We absolutely did not waive Gardener, nor did we want to overpay for Fat Daddy C. Spurrier didn't coach the Skins until 2002. What an asinine piece of trash. Edit: I almost forgot, D. we are 33-31 under Snyder, 34-32 if you count playoffs. Even if you don't consider 99 to be a Snyder year, we're actually 23-25, still different from above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeathByLinebacker Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Originally posted by Skins24 ? I thought this was Spurrier's second year.... Just another inaccuracy. Spurrier was hired in calender year 2002. He was still coaching UF on Jan 1, 2002. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earthcat Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 What happened to journalism without bias? This numbnutz wrote this in his silver and blue boxers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skins26 Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 I couldnt even follow this article......somebody fire this man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sashae Posted August 26, 2003 Author Share Posted August 26, 2003 It's bizarre... his columns for Slate were *unbelievably* funny, but ever since he moved to ESPN, he's been a HUGE Redskins basher. Really, really hates that team... funny considering that he lives in Bethesda. -s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BD Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 He's said in interviews before that he believes anyone who supports the "Redskins" name for the team is a racist. That pretty much says it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awesome Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 There's nothing more pathetic than a writer who's only goal is to be funny and can't even make you crack a smile. I think this guy must be a Jim Rome fan. I mean really, why risk being so blatantly critical of one team when you're an NFL writer. A 7-9 team having success after an offseason of filling holes through free-agency? Stranger things have happened. Boy, ESPN is getting a huge case of the we've-got-our-heads-up-our-asses-because-we-think-our-sh*t-don't-stink. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlinginSammy HOF '63 Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 He wrote it like he's one of those scifi geeks that grew up never leaving room and playing with his action figures and making bombs to hurt all of those kids that flush his head down the toilet in school. What a dildo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canyonero! Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 I'll agree that he was much funnier when his column appeared in Slate. I'm not sure if it's the editing (or lack there of) on ESPN's Page 2 or what, but he has been lacking in the funny dept as of late. That all being said, we are easy to make fun of at this point. We're like the Yankees in their bad years. People see Snyder like they see Steinbrenner. People don't make fun of the Yankees anymore since they just win. Sure, people still hate them and Steinbrenner, but they don't make fun of them. Winning a Super Bowl will turn this fool around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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