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Hunger strike started today


Capt Rich Fla

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Brianm23, I need to tell you what happened.

Life was great. I had a good job, fishing all over & winning coin. My wife was at home with our two kids. I was never gone for more than 3 weeks at a time. The $ was coming home though. Every day we would talk and she would tell me good luck and she loved me. One day out of the clear blue she was acting weird. I asked what was wrong and she said she didn't want to be married anymore. She kept an extra marital affair a secret from me for almost a year. Working on her plan the whole time. When I got home there was no $ in the bank and she was moving out. I was in a dream world of confusion. I asked her to go to therapy, but naa she already had her plan in notion. The guy she was ****ing had already been through it, because he got caught cheating on his 1st wife. He had to pay child support. Now think about it. If I have to pay child support, what I need is a woman with children so I can snag her and the child support from her X to break even. This is what was done.

I understand how a woman at home all alone is hard. Women need to look at post pardon depression harder. It's a fact. She was at home alone and felt her youth slipping away. She went out to find a thrill. She wanted to feel young again. I think if she had been on meds for PPD this would be different.

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Capt Rich, I hope that everything works out for you brother. Do what you gotta do, but IMHO a hunger strike isn't the best answer. I don't know what the answer is, mind you, but I don't think starving yourself is going to get you to your goal. As others stated, it may even hurt your ability to spend time with your kids.

My sister-in-law took out a loan to get a lawyer for her divorce/custody battle. She was flat broke, and I don't know if it's an option for you, but my take is- if there is any possible way to borrow the money from somewhere, do it now, do it once, and do it swiftly. You may suffer a few years financially but I think it's worth a shot to not suffer til the kids are 18.

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Rich,

It is terrible watching you burn your mind with re-living this horror. I don't know if there is any point in debating "why" this happened and while I appreciate some of the posters need to "keep you honest", I don't know at this point whether any of the history is serving you at all right now. I would suggest you look forward a bit. How you got here is not important. You seem to want to be 'right' about this. But will that change any of this for you?

You will find plenty of men (such as myself) capable of empathizing with you and telling you you are 100% right about being hosed here. Hell, I will if you can't find any. You can certainly find some to debate you all day as to whether some or all of this was ultimately your "fault". But where does that leave you now? Your focus is on the past. Your focus is on the morality of this. Your focus is on wishing it were different than it is.

I am a pretty serious poker player and a concept I learned a long time ago that serves me well in both poker and life is "don't be outcome oriented". What it basically means is in poker (as in life) you don't control the cards you are ultimately dealt and spending time being emotionally upset about the cards you are dealt can seriously interfere with what you can control, namely, how you play those cards. You are supposed to get all your chips in the middle with two aces in holdem just about 100% of the time. Of course pocket aces don't win against even the worst possible hand 100% of the time. So in those times when your pocket aces get run down by a lesser hand did you play it wrong? No. You did exactly what you were supposed to do and the hand still didn't turn out the way "it was supposed to". Does that mean you should have folded the aces? Nope. You did it right. It just didn't work out.

Play the hand you are dealt. Play it the best way you possibly can. Spending your energy and time focusing on the bad hand that was dealt is literally a complete waste of your time and energy. Right now you are so focused on what is wrong that you are missing some HUGE things that are very right. Namely, your girls. Your still a young man Rich. But the second half of your life is going to pass you whether you are intentionally and actively involved in it or you passively watch t go by you while complaining about it. Life won't care.

You have choices to make my friend. But celebrate that!! YOU HAVE CHOICES. Choices about what your going to do. How your going to react. What your going to allow these events to mean to you. You control your thoughts. Your thoughts control your feelings. Think about that for a moment. What does that really mean? It means you control your feelings ultimately. This is a matter of where you CHOOSE to focus your mind.

I know it sounds new age and foofy. But its all true Rich. You have control of everything in your life because you control the interpretation of the events of your life. If it were up to me I'd spend some serious time on gratitude my friend. Every day. Make yourself do it. Find something your grateful for. You have plenty. Don't believe me? Go take a visit to a children's hospital and have a chat with one of those dads. You can always find something to be grateful for. It is literally impossible to be both angry and grateful at the same time. Go try it for yourself. You must start by changing your focus my friend. But it can be done. There is huge opportunity for you as well as for your daughters. Don't lose faith. Change your focus. Sorry about the length of this post everyone. My heart goes out to Rich.

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I wonder how many men are resistant to having kids and getting married because of issues like this one?
look at Europe, childbirth rates are plummeting, and I don't blame them. The costs (i.e. financial, emotional, etc.) of raising kids these days outweighs the benefits for most.

I'll probably end up having kids some day, but stuff like this scares me to death. This is the kind of stuff people murder over...

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Brothers, if you could change the way I feel there might be a Nobel Prize in it for ya, but it sounds alot to me like giving in. I can't just go along with the *** ****ing I'm getting. My Irish blood just doesn't allow me to give in to a raping. You got your work cut out for you.

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I wonder how many men are resistant to having kids and getting married because of issues like this one?

I was, it was the scariest thing I have ever done

Neither of my brothers will ever have kids for that reason,though they did finally get married with prenups.

I'm certainly happy with my choice,but men can't just walk away or get rid of kids.

How many women skate?...Equal under the law my ass.

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Also, her having a child once they were divorced has nothing to do with this either.

If you think her getting pregnant, by another guy, WHILE THEY WERE MARRIED (which has been made clear, mind you), then you, sir, are an idiot.

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If you think her getting pregnant, by another guy, WHILE THEY WERE MARRIED (which has been made clear, mind you), then you, sir, are an idiot.
Wait, WHAT? And the judge is okay with this?
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I understand how a woman at home all alone is hard. Women need to look at post pardon depression harder. It's a fact. She was at home alone and felt her youth slipping away. She went out to find a thrill. She wanted to feel young again. I think if she had been on meds for PPD this would be different.

Postpartum. I'm not exactly sure why you're saying that it had a role in her actions, though. If everything was as peachy as you described earlier when it all fell apart that diagnosis wouldn't make much sense... unless you were oblivious to her feelings at the time. Not placing blame, I'm just a tad confused.

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Wait, WHAT? And the judge is okay with this?

Probably was filling her emotion needs, Hell he is lucky if the court doesn't make him pay child support for that kid too.(you generally have to prove you are NOT the parent and even then they can rule against ya)

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If you think her getting pregnant, by another guy, WHILE THEY WERE MARRIED (which has been made clear, mind you), then you, sir, are an idiot.

But he still has to pay child support for this kid?! If it was shown that the child wasn't his, surely the other man had to be ordered to pay up, no? But you know what, nvm. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if he was shown to not be the biological father yet was still ordered to pay child support. BS like that happens all the time in family court.

I believe I saw a comment earlier in the thread about getting pre-nups to deal with these issues. Pre-nups get challenged all the time and there are many instances where it wasn't held up. I tell the men I know to not waste their time trying to craft the perfect pre-nup and instead concentrate on finding the right person to marry. Only time will tell if any of them actually listened to me.

And Capt Rich, does Florida not allow people to represent themselves in pro per? Family law isn't particularly complicated and whatever information you need you could find in a Rutter guide. It isn't something that warrants paying someone $400 an hour to do.

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He had to pay child support. Now think about it. If I have to pay child support

Go shack up with his former wife, you'll sort of get your money back that way.

Seriously though, good luck with what your going through. I can't imagine the pain your going through.

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Brothers, if you could change the way I feel there might be a Nobel Prize in it for ya, but it sounds alot to me like giving in. I can't just go along with the *** ****ing I'm getting. My Irish blood just doesn't allow me to give in to a raping. You got your work cut out for you.

I understand. Take a look at this way then. . . You think your ex would prefer that you move forward, be the best father you can possibly be, maybe meet someone new eventually, try new things, do things you may have never been able to do because you were married, make a new life and completely let go of your bitterness and rage while carving out a happier healthier life for yourself and your kids and eventually look back at this situation and realize that this woman simply wasn't worthy to be your wife. . . OR spend the rest of your life bitter, angry and ultimately destroyed by your own anger and bitterness which ultimately infects your children while she confirms that you are a nasty crazy person and that's why she had to leave etc. She moves on, she still gets your money, AND she gets to eventually look back and look at the ruin of your life and say "whew, glad I got out"?

I understand your hurt bud. I understand your angry but believe me when I say years are going to pass regardless of how you handle this. How your girls grow up and view their father is at stake here. Your irish blood, your ego, your pride is simply not worth it. That is the TRUTH. You aren't hurting your ex wife by going on a hunger strike. Your not hurting your ex wife by being enraged about this new douche she is with. You're not hurting your ex by spending the rest of your life miserable. Based on the way you have described her, she is loving all of that!

The best revenge is a life well lived my friend. You put your focus on those little girls. I have been divorced since my daughter was 3. I am with a wonderful wonderful woman now. My daughter and I have an absolutely beautiful relationship and arguably one I wouldn't have had had the divorce not happened. While this is certainly not true of every dad in a first marriage, many dads (and certainly I was one of them) come into that house every single day after work and see those kids and take them for granted. That NEVER happens with me because I felt the deafening silence of those first years when my little girl left to go "home to mommy". Every moment became absolutely precious to me. . . and it still is. Divorce is never ideal. But there are hidden lessons in there that can make you a better father than you may have ever been had you not gone through this.

I know its hard to believe from where you are sitting. I was sitting where you were once too. You aren't "giving in" by living a great life and being the best dad and man you can be Rich. You are giving in to hate and ultimately becoming a lifelong victim of your ex by NOT moving forward with your life. And what is worse? Your children will be the victims too. You don't need to debate me here on a message board. You think about this. Alone. In silence. You ask yourself where the truth is. I know deep down you know.

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Brothers, if you could change the way I feel there might be a Nobel Prize in it for ya, but it sounds alot to me like giving in. I can't just go along with the *** ****ing I'm getting. My Irish blood just doesn't allow me to give in to a raping. You got your work cut out for you.

cheeseburger.jpg

Luv ya, Rich. :)

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Seriously Rich,

Please listen to the people on this forum. The hunger strike is an absolutely horrible idea - for many reasons. It's not going to change anything and it will probably make things much worse if the court hears about this.

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Sorry, haven't turned to the next page after 2.

LKB, I get where these guys are coming from. Shouldn't there be an account that has the child's money is in that IS controlled by the supportive parent (yet able be disputed by the other parent ?

You need school clothes, okay fine, here is 500 bucks for school clothes.

You need braces, sure, got it.

You need money for a car or school or whatever. That willing parent should have more rights and CONTROL of where that money is spent.

I think it's garbage.

Example- Fine... Tiger you cheated, we get it. There is no reason for you to have to spend more to lose your kids than keep them. Then on top of it have to go through all of the BS associated with tryong to keep your kids or at the very least be a parent to them.

Clearly there are instances where this won't work, but that is not nearly the case as often as I see the courts presume it to be.

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If you think her getting pregnant, by another guy, WHILE THEY WERE MARRIED (which has been made clear, mind you), then you, sir, are an idiot.

If you make comments without having facts, and correct information,(which has been made clear, mind you) then you, sir, are an idiot.

Look at the dates.

(Nov 11, 2007)- post that the divorce is requested and separation starts

http://www.extremeskins.com/showthread.php?t=221330

(Jan 28, 2009) - post he makes about divorce being final

http://www.extremeskins.com/showthread.php?t=279287

(march, 21 2009) - post he makes about wife is knocked up

http://www.extremeskins.com/showthread.php?t=283459

So it was made clear eh?...lol Unless she was pregnant for two years and holding, I seriously doubt she was knocked up during their marriage.

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It sounds like a really really nasty divorce where the children are being used as clubs. Unfortunately' date=' that is far too common a scenario.[/quote']

I'd say this about sums the situation up from what I understand from all of CRF's threads....

CRF, this hunger strike and living in your car idea is horrible. If your wife is truly as bad as you say she is, she will undoubtedly use this against you in court and your time with the girls will be whittled down to nothing. If you keep this "cutting your nose off to spite your face" act up, you are going to royally screw yourself in the family court, just saying.

And this whole "Women are the devil" theme in this thread is really sad. I understand people are venting here, but maybe you should choose to not date/marry vindictive ****es. I have a female family member going through a divorce right now and you know what the soon-to-be ex's husband's lawyer said to him "Gee, you're lucky you are divorcing a nice person, she's not making you pay your half the the community debt (med school bills) nor is she suing you for alimony." So yeah, there are women out there who aren't ****es and aren't looking to screw guys over any opportunity they get. Sure there are a lot out there, but there are a lot of decent women too.... Just thought I'd throw a few tokens of reality out there.

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The best revenge is a life well lived my friend. You put your focus on those little girls. I have been divorced since my daughter was 3. I am with a wonderful wonderful woman now. My daughter and I have an absolutely beautiful relationship and arguably one I wouldn't have had had the divorce not happened. While this is certainly not true of every dad in a first marriage, many dads (and certainly I was one of them) come into that house every single day after work and see those kids and take them for granted. That NEVER happens with me because I felt the deafening silence of those first years when my little girl left to go "home to mommy". Every moment became absolutely precious to me. . . and it still is. Divorce is never ideal. But there are hidden lessons in there that can make you a better father than you may have ever been had you not gone through this.

Bam! Capt - Read this...then read it again...then read it again after that.

My Divorce is now final - If you only new how much I give her every month you would cringe. She got a sweetheart deal and she demanded more! And sure, at times I would go off and she would know she got to me....Then i would stop, and smile and move on.

Now I am lucky. I didn't argue about the money, in fact giving her more and more in exchange for more custody and other factors (She cannot move more than 30 miles from where she is now, for instance). But here's where she has lost time and time again.

My relationship with my kids is as close as ever.

The kids are not shy about expressing their love to me, even when she is around.

My life is better without her, and she sees that.

The fact that I'm basically broke for the next 5 years....so be it. I can always make more money. I can't always go back in time with the kids.

Let this anger go. Trust your lawyer, and have them fight for you. And focus on being with the kids as much as possible. I am SURE that no matter how bad a custody deal you got, you are allowed to be at any event with them. So sign up to volunteer at their school as much as possible. Coach their sports team or become a chaperone in activities.

Don't take your eyes off what’s important. And its not the money.

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