Hunger strike started today

[G.A.C.O.L.B.]

The only advice I'm qualified to give you is that you if you do go to jail for failure to pay child support, whatever you do, don't go on a hunger strike in there. That will get really ugly. Tubes forced down your throat and nutrients pumped into your stomach ugly.

[DCSaints_fan]

This sucks now, but no matter how bad you get screwed on visitation or child support, once they turn 18 that all ends. If the mother is as bad as you claim the truth will come out, eventually.

[GhostofSparta]

I keep going to lawyers who say they can give me the world for another five thousand dollars & then after I pay them there's nothing they can do. I'm 17 grand in the hole. I have a new lawyer who says she can get it dropped. She the best I've seen so far. It's not a reduction I'm after. I shouldn't have to pay a nickel. They should have to pay me, but I don't want their money. I just want to be able to take care of my children myself.

HH & I have talked & we are going to try to put together some kind of movement together for fathers who have been screwed. There's no where for men to go to try to talk and figure out their options.

So this is the start of day two & my resolve is strong. I will not give up until laws are changed and light is shed on this problem.

I've seen this posted here before and thought it was a good read. I don't remember if there's any specific help in here for you, but if you and HH are going to work to help others, there's definately useful info in here: http://www.singularity2050.com/2010/01/the-misandry-bubble.html

[Stugein]

So this is the start of day two & my resolve is strong. I will not give up until laws are changed and light is shed on this problem.

Not to poo-poo on your hunger strike because I certainly admire the gumption, but you might want to rethink. I'm not sure how fast you think governments move, but I'd wager it will take a bit longer to change these laws than the 4-6 weeks you will live without food. I think you'd do your cause a lot more service by being a vocal, outspoken and active crusader for fathers' rights then you would be by being a corpse.

[aREDSKIN]

Those children are every bit as much mine as hers & as bad as it is to take children away from their mother, it's just as bad to take them away from some of us fathers.

Yep I agree with you but the family courts just don't see it that way. The "best interest of the children" standard is a false facade to convey impartiality and for those who have been in it know the real intention of family court for the most part is not impartiality. The guys have to PROVE the mother is unfit before FC award custody to fathers. They get shafted so many ways and yes I understand that many guys prefer not to have custody and are as manipulative as some shyster FC lawyer. In total guys just get shafted in family court. You have to FIGHT if you really want full custody.

As an aside I'm not sure if you said the boyfriend was "living" in the new home with your ex. If so this can be shown to be a big no no.

There's ton of info on the web regarding "fathers rights" use it and don't pay a lawyer $200.00 an hour for stuff you can get for free. I've been there and done it.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

I notice in both your examples the mother got primary custody. Why is that seemingly so often the case? Gender equality is a goal of the US isn't it?

Until fairly recent times, family courts operated under the "tender years" doctrine. This was a presumption that a young child was always better off being nutured by the mother - generally to 8 or 9 years of old. In other words, a father had to overcome the presumption that the moter deserved custody.

That doctrine is no longer in place in any state that I am aware of. But it still colors family law.

The doctrine that now governs is "best interests of the child." How that is decided is a case by case situation. I know of men that have gotten custody. But generally speaking, if the mother truly pushes for custody, she will get it. Probably because they have in fact been the primary caregiver and the parent that the child is most closely bonded to. In addition, to this day, men by and large still make more money than women so it would be difficult for the father to meet the demands of attention. And - sadly - a lot of fathers don't fight for custody.

I should point out that "best interests of the child" usually have nothing to do with why the marriage/relationship fell apart. I've heard a million times that "My wife cheated on me and she got custody." Well, yea....the who cheated on who question really doesn't matter.

It also usually doesn't matter in terms of alimony, division of marital assets, etc because the overwhelming majority of divorces are "no-fault."

[Mursilis]

BTW - This is why my father said from day one that the ONLY quality that is required for a wife is that she be a good person. He said you can marry an ugly woman and be happy. You can marry a stupid woman and be happy. But if you marry a woman that is nice to YOU and not a person possessing an uncompromisingly good heart, she will eventually tire of you and make it her mission in life to ruin yours.

Yup - your father is a wise man. So many dummies only chase tail based on looks alone, and end up with a pretty face with the soul of a snake, and then wonder why she bites back hard when the relationship ends. So many men dig their own grave on this.

[fullnelson9999]

Get to eating dude. I understand why you are doing this, but It could make you look real bad in court.

Extreme measures like this are not the way to go.

[Commander PK]

A very good friend of mine at work is going through a similar situation. His wife admitted on the stand that she cheated on him, and it counted for nothing. He is paying half his salary to her for his 3 kids, and is basically forced to live at bare minimum until the kids all reach the age of 18. Not to mention she makes it as difficult as possible for him when he gets his visitation. She has since the divorce had another child with her current boyfriend. In addition, according to Maryland State Law she is entitled to HALF of his retirement when he retires in 5 years. Absolutely ABSURD in every way.

On the flip side, I married a woman with two kids, my step-children that I love as my own. Their father is only asked to pay around 600 dollars a month for his two kids, and not once in the past two years has he paid as he is supposed to. He pays maybe a couple hundred a month. He is well behind over $5000.00, but the county that the child support is through, will not pursue him, essentially telling my wife "times are hard," and he is still free. Blowing his money on prescription drugs for "pain" and essentially leaving me to be the kids sole positive male role model. My wife's marriage to him busted up, because he was an alcoholic who had started striking her during arguments, so it's his fault the marriage broke up. I don't want the man's money for anything other then the kids needs, (I have plenty of my own) and I don't want him to be destitute by paying way more than he should. If he just paid enough to cover the kids school lunches...at least that would be SOMETHING.

In the end, I feel for you, but BELIEVE ME, you are not the only one to have this happen to you. I have seen this type of a situation from both sides.

[Thiebear]

I would join the movement, but one thing to keep in mind.

If your ex is not above using anything to get at you.

She will use the hungerstrike the moment she hears of it against your being "Fit" for visitiation etc..

Don't let anything get in the way of your goal: To take care of the children.

Everything else is just fluff..

[Peeping Wizard]

Sorry.

How old are the kids? I would seriously think about just leaving the country if I had an ex that was bleeding me dry. Screw that. Extradite me *****. I would set up trusts in their name that I would give them at adulthood and explain what a cheating whore their mother was.

I'm half kidding, but I feel your pain.

That's actually one of the better ideas so far.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

This is not meant as an insult. But I've been involved in two situations like this recently where someone has asked me for some help/advice. I hear their side of the story and then ask for the court documents only to find out that the story is completely different from what I've been told.

I'm not saying that you have not been screwed. And I'm not saying that your wife is a good person. I'm just curious as to what the transcripts would show.

[brianm23]

Ok, I had to look over your past thread history to get what was going on.

I'm confused about something.

1) She tested positive for weed/cocaine and still got the kids?

2) She pretty much told you what caused her ill will and you did nothing from what I gather.

3) You let your boss **** on you and claim false charges and you did nothing?

4) You claim that that one of the kids might not be even yours. What did the test results come back as?

Things don't add up here, and unfortunately we are only getting one side of the story. There is ALWAYS a second side we never hear about or details that are left out. Also, did you represent yourself at your hearing because it sounds like you did or you had one ****ty ass lawyer.

You think starving yourself is going to fix your situation? Is self pity or a pity party going to fix it? I'm not trying to be cold nor offensive, but snap out of it man. Nobody can fix your problems except you.

[War Paint]

A good friend of mine is in this situation. His two kids are almost 18, so it's almost over. The courts hammered him hard. The sad thing is, all the money he's paid to his ex-wife and child support, only a fraction went to supporting the kids. Most of it went to her partying with boyfriends and such. Over the years, there were a couple of times he was struggling with bills and missed a month of payments here and there. They would then take the child support out of his check. They would also garnish his tax rebate too.

In a couple of years, after his kids are 18+, he's going to be like Tim Robbins at the end of Shawshank Redemption, when he breaks out of prison and is in the rain lol.

[aREDSKIN]

A good friend of mine is in this situation. His two kids are almost 18, so it's almost over. The courts hammered him hard. The sad thing is, all the money he's paid to his ex-wife and child support, only a fraction went to supporting the kids. Most of it went to her partying with boyfriends and such. Over the years, there were a couple of times he was struggling with bills and missed a month of payments here and there. They would then take the child support out of his check. They would also garnish his tax rebate too.

This is exactly the kind of utter hypocrisy the family court allows. On the one hand they claim the mans' wages need to be absconded/confiscated etc for the "benefit of the kids" and then there is absolutely no accountability whatsoever of those said funds being used on the kids. It's all a racket IMO and I may be a bit biased because I went through the "system".

[Capt Rich Fla]

Some of ya'll ain't quite understanding what I'm doing. I don't plan on winning anything. I plan on showing people that the system is flawed. I plan on showing the world that my kids are being held against their will. Just last night I called to day goodnight to them and my oldest said, "daddy, will you come pick me up tomorrow?" I told her I couldn't and she started to cry. Those tears are what's making me do this.

She left me for a person who she thought was a better provider. Good, but why bleed me into homelessness? Everything my X and her man have done is Ailey to get as much extra income as possible. He has a house payment due & now I'm the deadbeat.

She lives in his house. Her name is nowhere on anything. She has no bills. One child is going into kind. & the other is going into a free 3pm. Where is the $1,200 I was shelling out for daycare going?

Like I said, I don't plan on winning anything. I just want what's right to be done. IMO this is no different than holding someone for ransom.

[Capt Rich Fla]

Sorry for some of the spelling. My phone likes to change what I've typed sometimes.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

Some of ya'll ain't quite understanding what I'm doing. I don't plan on winning anything. I plan on showing people that the system is flawed. I plan on showing the world that my kids are being held against their will. Just last night I called to day goodnight to them and my oldest said, "daddy, will you come pick me up tomorrow?" I told her I couldn't and she started to cry. Those tears are what's making me do this.

She left me for a person who she thought was a better provider. Good, but why bleed me into homelessness? Everything my X and her man have done is Ailey to get as much extra income as possible. He has a house payment due & now I'm the deadbeat.

She lives in his house. Her name is nowhere on anything. She has no bills. One child is going into kind. & the other is going into a free 3pm. Where is the $1,200 I was shelling out for daycare going?

Like I said, I don't plan on winning anything. I just want what's right to be done. IMO this is no different than holding someone for ransom.

Like I said earlier, I've heard this kind of tale before only to find out that reality is quite different.

If the one child is now school age, why aren't the courts willing to recalculate your support payments? And what is the difference between what the courts think you make and what you actually make?

And are you paying alimony?

Also, would you like a sandwich?

So, when you stop posting, shall we assume you are dead?

[Bubble Screen]

Sorry for some of the spelling. My phone likes to change what I've typed sometimes.

That had better not be an iPhone.

[Heisenberg]

I don't have much to offer.

However, the others who have mentioned this are right:

This is the worst thing you can do you if you truly want to be able to see your kids and/or gain custody in the future.

No court in the country is going to look at someone who goes on a "hunger strike" as someone that is fit to raise children. It's not going to look good and probably make things much worse.

[War Paint]

I don't have much to offer.

No court in the country is going to look at someone who goes on a "hunger strike" as someone that is fit to raise children. It's not going to look good and probably make things much worse.

I agree with this. Doing the "hunger strike" is very extreme. Courts and opinions of people will be "we better not let him near the kids because he might snap and do a family murder/suicide." I'm not saying Capt will ever do something like that, but the courts would use that against him. There has to be a better way for Capt to get his point across. The last thing he needs is CPS getting involved.

['Skins_&_'Stons]

I don't have much to say other than keep on fighting the good fight no matter how hard it is. I truly believe that good things come to people who wait. Eventually your girls will realize how awful their mother is and how hard you have worked to provide for them. Chin up, Rich, your life WILL get better.

-S&S

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

Eventually your girls will realize how awful their mother is

Is that the goal here?

['Skins_&_'Stons]

Is that the goal here?

No, but it sure seems like she is treating Rich like dirt. Once they realize what she has put him through, it will hopefully make his kids appreciate him just that much more.

[Teller]

Is that the goal here?

His wife cheated.

His wife won't marry the man involved in her adulterous affair because that would reduce Rich's obligations.

His wife (and granted, the judge) decided that Rich's kids only need him every other weekend and Wednesdays for the REST of their childhood.

His wife has had her boyfriend meet Rich outside, holding the child that was conceived with this ***hole while she was married to Rich.

I could go on, but I feel that additional details might betray the confidence my friend has placed in me. But I'll suffice it to say that Rich's ex doesn't need the slightest bit of help in "looking bad."

Rich is taking the same approach I am. He's not saying ANYTHING about his ex or her boyfriend to the children. He's busting his ass to provide for his kids, and is stressed out about the fact that with all the jobs he'll have to work to provide, he won't be able to see them hardly at all.

We both hope and pray that our kids will one day see how differently we have handled our situations compared to our ex's. His kids already see some of that. That's why his daughter cries when she can't go to his house.

I don't know your situation, LKB, but with all respect, I think this is something you have to live to truly understand.