At what stage does it become all right to talk to strangers?

[Burgold]

Hi stranger.

We do it all the time. Heck, that's how I make my living, but at what point is it cool. I think it's probably a peer thing. If you're an adult you can talk to adults. If you're a kid you can talk to kids. A teen can hang with strange teens.

But we all have rules regarding the strange and unfortunately it has gotten stranger with the advent of social networking websites. There were a lot less strangers in my life when I was a kid. Even today, the peer to peer rule doesn't always hold. There are places where talking to strangers is not cool for me whether they are an adult or around my age range. So, maybe it's some combo of age and place.

Anywho, this thought is semi-inspired by the pedophile thread. When is it cool to meet your neighbors? When does it become all right for you or your children to talk to strangers?

[Kosher Ham]

When you need a job.

[twa]

Depends greatly on the setting,public ones being much different than secluded.

btw I don't agree with this ..A teen can hang with strange teens...way too broad w/o a good reason.

It is a VERY good idea to know both where and who they are hanging with.

[Burgold]

Yeah, but what teenager isn't strange? You start denying teenagers access to strange teens and you have a bunch o' hermits.

[twa]

Yeah, but what teenager isn't strange? You start denying teenagers access to strange teens and you have a bunch o' hermits.

yeah

I meant the other definition of strange though:)

Different is ok,even exotic is sometimes preferred...unknown is another matter

[Elessar78]

Some chick I met at a bar 5 years ago told me that she still wasn't allowed to talk to strangers.... I think that was a lie.

[DeanCollins]

you need a job.

I was going to say, paranoid much? :paranoid:

[GoSkins561]

My 4 year old always asks the strangers "are you a stranger?", he then looks at me and asks me " is that person a stranger?". I usually respond with "yes". Responding to that question, especially to the strangers face can be awkward but you realize how innocent young children really are.

[Capt. Kaos]

Well, according to my wife I will talk to anyone, anywhere, at anytime (making up for the 30+ years that I was so shy it crippled me socially). Which for the most part is true looking at the situation from her perspective. There are occassion that I will refrain from talking to a stranger even though I really want to.

Those times are defined more by location and what's going on than anything else.

Ckeckout line at the grocery store - ok

Going to the bathroom in a public restroom - No go

I will say that not all strangers are comfortable being talked to and some will even ignore a statement made directly to them, some will reply but in a unsure tone looking a little uncomfortable, others will answer but be completely uncomfortable with doing so, and a few of the others will play right along.

[Koolblue13]

I think you should be good to go Burgold. Just watch out for vans and little mustaches.

[LD0506]

Of course there are differing circumstances when it is or isn't "ok" to talk with someone you do not know, but in the end you can only be responsible for yourself. Would you rather be open and friendly, strike up conversation here and there with strangers, or just be one more person huddled tight against the cruel world, scurrying home to your cocoon?

One of the things we have lost in the last generation or so is that sense of community, that chat amongst people wherever they might run into one another. It was always a positive element in getting to know neighbors, or lending a hand at the store, or teaching children that the world really isn't some dark cave filled with monsters.

I tend to be somewhat chatty and gregarious by nature, and I try to do my small part in bringing back that feeling that we are all neighbors and basically most people will be friendly if given half a chance. Yes, there have been a few occasions when it didn't work out so well, but when balanced against all the nice people I have talked with it is no contest.

I say get out there and try to add some friendly, positive energy to the environment and just let the chips fall where they may.

[Burgold]

One of the things we have lost in the last generation or so is that sense of community, that chat amongst people wherever they might run into one another. It was always a positive element in getting to know neighbors, or lending a hand at the store, or teaching children that the world really isn't some dark cave filled with monsters.

And this was my worry about the pedophile thread. We are becoming so insular and defensive that the possibility of friendship or help from thy neighbor is greatly diminished. I think in the real world I'm either really or open or very quiet. I'm not always sure why.

[jpillian]

I think our society has become to insular. In our neighborhood (and I gather this is the norm, and not aberrant -- correct me if I'm wrong) -- I know just a handful of my neighbors. I know the folks to either side of me on my side of the street, and that's about it. Unforgivable on my part. I should have long since gone over and introduced myself to my neighbors.

This was highlighted to me a few weeks ago when we came home from an errand, and noticed a limo and a bunch of cars parked across the street from our house, with a police escort. Someone had died at one of our unknown neighbors homes, but we didn't feel right about going over and expressing our condolences/support, because we hadn't previously gone to the trouble of getting to know them.

I think it's a pretty unhealthy trend. We're leaving this neighborhood in the next few weeks, but I'm definitely planning on introducing myself and my family in the next place we live. No excuse for having neighbors that remain strangers for years.

[chasefan31]

HUGE culture difference between the big city and the rural/smaller city/town people. It also seems like the Southern and Midwestern cities are way more friendly to strangers than the East/West Coast cities. Where I live it would be considered very impolite to not wave at every passerby on the highway(excluding interstate) or to not say hello, how are you? to 90% of the people you see walking down the street. It doesn't matter if you've ever seen them before in your life, I'm talking about total strangers.

[Rocky21]

HUGE culture difference between the big city and the rural/smaller city/town people. It also seems like the Southern and Midwestern cities are way more friendly to strangers than the East/West Coast cities.

Good point. Generally speaking, the East Coast is much colder and aloof than the Mid-West.

[gbear]

I'm a go-out-and-talk-to-anybody sort. I usually find something to talk about when I'm bored, so sitting in a line is probably going to be a talking point.

I've had people comment to me about my kids talking to everybody outside in our neighberhood. I respond "Do you know them now? Do you know they belong with me? well I hope you remember that when they are with some stranger and come talk to you as if they know you. They do. Please ask them who they are with if it isn't me or my wife whom you also know by sight. I am far more comfortable with more eyes than just mine on my kids."

[LD0506]

Where I live it would be considered very impolite to not wave at every passerby on the highway(excluding interstate) or to not say hello, how are you? to 90% of the people you see walking down the street. It doesn't matter if you've ever seen them before in your life, I'm talking about total strangers.

I've had people comment to me about my kids talking to everybody outside in our neighberhood. I respond "Do you know them now? Do you know they belong with me? well I hope you remember that when they are with some stranger and come talk to you as if they know you. They do. Please ask them who they are with if it isn't me or my wife whom you also know by sight. I am far more comfortable with more eyes than just mine on my kids."

Really good points and what I was trying to convey before. I grew up in the Midwest and everyone knew each other, had for generations. My grandfather went to school with your grandmother, our fathers were in the service together, etc. It was something I always took for granted until I moved to the East Coast and found that it was not all that common afterall, but it is only truly lost when the last person stops trying to keep it going.

I feel this is one of those small, basic things that can pay huge dividends, to yourself and to others. Just a friendly greeting when someone makes eye contact, or you are both waiting in a line, whatever, you can always give someone an opening and gauge whether or not they are open to it. I find a lot of people that seem to relish the chance to just be neighborly, just have a pleasant moment. We can all decry the state of society or we can try to act to improve it. You're not out anything if you do it for good reasons and don't expect or need some return on your efforts. If nothing else you know that you are happy and trying to do the right thing, whether anyone else sees it that way or not.

[Ghost of]

Where I live it would be considered very impolite to not wave at every passerby on the highway(excluding interstate) or to not say hello, how are you? to 90% of the people you see walking down the street. It doesn't matter if you've ever seen them before in your life, I'm talking about total strangers.

Well, I'm not sure about highways, I don't wave at cars while I'm in cars but I do agree that if it's just you and another person passing each other on campus (adults, kids are very into not acknowledging presence) they will say hello. It's odd, I've gotten used to saying hello or nodding to complete strangers.

This only applies outside of buildings and when it's just you and another person. When large groups of people are going to and fro, the rules revert to East Coast, it seems to me.

I think being from Philly, I've always been liable to put people at a distance because when strangers talked to you there, it was generally to harass you or because a crime was about to go down. It's hard to put that away, just out on the street.

I don't initiate many conversations but I do engage in them when someone prompts me.

[Larry]

The second drink.