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Redskins (All of The Good... None of the Bad) Christmas in July


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In honor of Sears/Kmart who have broken with all holiday traditions and started Christmas sales in July 2009 instead of waiting until Labor Day like most other self respecting businesses.


Let's open our presents!!!!

There are some really BIG BOXES here to open so let's reach under the tree and see what we have... WOW the biggest box first.

1. To: "All ExtremeSkins fans who think Defensive Line is the key to winning the Super Bowl." From: "The Grinch and VC"

Ripping sounds... everyone in the room has saucer eyes... it... can't... be... NO FRIGGING WAY!!!!! Albert Haynesworth!!!!!!!! Eyes are wet, much hugging going on. "This is the best Christmas EVER!!!"

2. To: "Jim Zorn and ES fans who think Jason Cambell is toast" From: "The Grinch and VC"

It can't be... Not... MARK SANCHEZ???? Huffing and puffing sounds... paper being ripped off. What is this??? It says BRIAN ORAKPO. Confusion... happiness... much cheering amongst the Defensive Line fans... YES!!!! Another top of the line Defensive Lineman. A pass rusher!!!

Bottom lips protrude from Coach Zorn and Jason Campbell detractors... "Bah Humbug!" "Not even an Offensive Lineman..." "You dirty GRINCH... we thought it was a Quarterback."

Colt Brennan starts breathing again after efforts to revive him. :doh:


And with that in mind...

It's preseason again people. We can be happy about a lot of things. Players are all healthy and we are the KINGS of offseason YET AGAIN. (Thanks Grinch and VC.)

Here are the things we can all be thankful for:

1. Albert Haynesworth hired the right lawyer and had an extra $5000 in his glove box.

2. Tennessee loves NASCAR drivers (Albert, call waiting from a Mr. Joe Gibbs...)

3. Clinton Portis has dropped 20 lbs and will be playing like he did under Mike Shanahan. 1500 yards this season.

4. Mike Shanahan is still available as a coach in 2010 in case Steve Spurrier wants to make a come back and Jim Zorn decides to climb Everest.

5. Chris Cooley lost 20 lbs as well in the offseason and has a revived offensive line.

6. Jason Campbell is in a contract year and at the orders of his agent has turned up his hearing aid and has situational awareness... FINALLY.

7. Todd Collins has just gotten done washing down a box of nails with a fine Italian Brunello de Montelcino wine and is ready to step in and kick NFC butt.

8. Colt Brennan has been seen wearing #4 jerseys to bed at night and to all off field functions.

9. Mike Williams has been seen wrestling Polar Bears and watching Richard Simmons tapes late into the night. He's gonna make it to college weight.

10. Stephon Heyer has burned all his twinkie stashes and has been working out in Arizona with a diet and conditioning doctor.

11. Chris Samuels is back to the weight he played at when he stepped on the field as a Pro Bowler as a Redskin.

12. Derrick Dockery has flown back into formation as Samuels' "wing man" and is ready to start pancaking anyone who decides that Jason Cambell is holding the ball too long.

13. Mike Sellers has been kept in a cage all offseason and fed raw meat and pure blood to drink. He says he "wants a severed head" as a trophy this year.

14. Ladell Betts has been polishing his banner that says "I told you so" all offseason as he gets ready for a thousand yard season backing up Portis.

15. Fred Davis has been polishing up his banner that says "Oh no you didn't!" as opposing teams get ready to taunt him for last year.

16. Devin Thomas prepares for launch this year and for all the jerseys that suddenly appear with the number 11.

16. Malcolm Kelley gets ready for HUGE cheers in the END ZONE on out patterns in the corner as fans scramble with "Who caught that?"

17. Santana Moss gets ready to TORCH NFC East secondaries in the wide open field with the best health he's had since he started with the Skins.

18. Antwaan Randle El is ready to score touchdown after touchdown this year in reaction to all the people who have written him off.

19. Phillip Daniels prepares to stop the best running backs in the NFC East in the best condition of his career.

20. Andre Carter prepares for the pro bowl with 10 sacks in his sights for the year.

21. Cornelius Griffin prepares for 5 sacks this year and his best year since joining the Skins.

22. Albert Haynesworth prepares for 8 sacks this year and collapsing the pocket game after game for the first time since when Dexter Manley wore the uniform.

23. Brian Orakpo prepares for rookie of the week twice in the season with 8 sacks and an interception for a touchdown against the Cowboys.

24. Laron Landry is ready to go completely crazy this year with Brandon Jacobs being carted off the field in the Giants game. Eli Manning will cry like a ten year old girl at least once this season.

25. Chris Horton comes into his own and avoids the sophmore jinx to become a solid starting safety for the Skins. He gets three interceptions.

26. DeAngelo Hall is a shut down corner this year. Nobody throws his way because after his first five interceptions no quarterback worth his weight will dare throw to that side of the field.

27. Carlos Rogers will pick two and drop three, but his coverage and nasty hits will shut down some of the best receivers the Skins will face.

28. London Fletcher will be mean. Flat out nasty. Offenses will have to scheme away from him all season long.

29. Rocky McIntosh will also get two interceptions for touchdowns and will make NFL highlight reels this year with his acrobatic moves.

30. Shawn Suisam is back on his mark. This year he will only be called upon for a few major kicks, but he will win at least one game on his own this season.

Taking a break... more edits later. This is CHRISTMAS. More presents... for all.

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