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December 2007: Rumsfeld nukes U.S., final "axis of evil" state harboring terrorists

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December 7, 2007

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Rumsfeld, in his final act of office, at 4:34 pm local time launched a massive air, sea, and land nuclear attack on all major U.S. cities, thus leveling the final "axis of evil" club member -- the last of his secret list of 26 rogue nations harboring terrorists and weapons of mass destruction.

Gathering reporters and aides into the Oval Office, a beaming Rumsfeld announced:

"Ladies and gentlemen, you are witness to history.

"Today, I am delighted to announce that our precious American freedoms are once again secure.

"When I push this red button on my desk, the last member of an infamous 'axis of evil' will be eliminated.

"This rogue nation has been proven to harbor known terrorists. It has been proven to possess massive quantities of weapons of mass destruction. And despite our best efforts to inspect its weapons arsenal, more than $1 trillion in weapons and support systems remain unaccounted for.

"We have heard excuse after excuse. And now has come the end of excuses: that moment when this rogue nation will meet its just punishment and see firsthand the face of American wrath."

As President Rumsfeld reached for the red button on his desk, an aide suddenly leaped forward, grabbed the triggering device, and fell to the floor in one motion.

Rumsfeld only laughed, before drawing a pistol from a holster under his jacket.

"Jonesy ol' buddy, I always knew you were a pu$$y," Rumsfeld said, before shooting him in the head.

"They always go for the big red button," Rumsfeld chuckled, smiling at the gathered media and remaining aides.

Then he flipped back the hinged shield on his left gold cufflink, checked his watch, and said:

"OK. Let's call it 4:34 pm Eastern. Gentlemen: it's been a pleasure."

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Phishead, sad thing is that our military is by far the best use of our tax dollars, as I believe Kilmer pointed out. We seem to get the most "bang for the buck" with military spending, especially when it comes to developing cutting edge technologies (internet and GPS anyone?). I expect this trend to continue, if not accelerate.

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