Gallery of Regrettable Food

[China]

In case you haven't seen it before, I thought some of you might find it amusing:

The Gallery of Regrettable Food

Here are a few examples from The Better Homes and Gardens Meat Cookbook:

I like meat. Or at least I used to. This particular book - an innocuous volume soaked with the juices of some long-gone cook, still faintly fragrant with drippings and grease - is one of the most alarming and offensive tomes in the Gallery's collection. I hesistate to begin this site with this one; a sizeable number of visitors may vow to never buy any of my books, let alone the Gallery. I'm serious.

It's steak a la Ugarte! When decorating your meal, make sure to arrange the onions in the shape of Peter Lorre's face.

Garnish with small, inedible onions. WARNING! The carrots here are not to be eaten. Your manly meat-a-rifficness will diminish if you eat the carrots. Vegetables are for commies.

One of the more popular cuts: pressed shank braised with smoker's phlegm. It may take a few tries to get Uncle Hank to hack up enough Lucky sauce, so be patient.

WARNING! Eating the carrots or the parsley will cause your testicles to retreat into your body cavity. Don't even chance it. Eat the MEAT.

I'm really not feeling well anymore.

This is a hocks 'n' brats concoction; resembles some hooves stuffed and boiled until they explode. Note, to the right, the small figurine of some ruminant, facing away from the meal, blessing it with an offering of methane and hay-gas.

Strawberries? I don't think so. Not a vegetable, but close. Clever trickery, but it won't work here. We're eating MEAT. End of discussion.

Sometimes meat likes to dress up and feel pretty. That doesn't mean ANYTHING. Lots of men like to wear nice frilly things, soft things, just for the way they feel. Some very masculine men were cross-dressers; is any surprise that the manliest of foodstuffs should sometimes feel the same way?

Apologies. Really. There are many meals in the Gallery I've described in terms of inadvertant stomach evacuations, but this is perhaps the most vomitous dish I have ever seen. Just Rupe 'n' Heat!

What were they thinking? Didn't anyone remark how much this looks like a skillet full of spew? I'd suggest that this entire book was made by vegetarians, a sly piece of propaganda, but even the beans look awful.

That concludes the Better Homes Guide to Meat, and I think I speak for us all:

Thank God.

Click on the link for more

[zoony]

Ha- you don't think of food as being trendy, but I guess it is.

Wonder what we'll be eating in 30 years, and will we look back and laugh at what we're eating now.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

For one of my wedding presents, a friend gave me a Dallas Woman's Club Cookbook from 1962 that his wife found in a used bookstore.

It is a miracle that anyone in Dallas lived beyond age 38.

EVERY recipe either called for Crisco or Mayonnaise.

[MurrayH81]

Only the ones who make it that far and aren't eating through tubes.

[zoony]

For one of my wedding presents' date=' a friend gave me a Dallas Woman's Club Cookbook from 1962 that his wife found in a used bookstore.

It is a miracle that anyone in Dallas lived beyond age 38.

EVERY recipe either called for Crisco or Mayonnaise.[/quote']

let me guess. Crisco Potato Salad? Crisco-stuffed / mayo-glazed pork chops? Crisco salad with miracle whip dressing?

We keep a jar of miracle whip in the house for some reason. Not sure why, because its nasty, but it's in the fridge nonetheless. I noticed the other day that it says on the label "great as a spread or a dressing". WTF? Does someone put miracle whip on their salads????

[Blondie]

let me guess. Crisco Potato Salad? Crisco-stuffed / mayo-glazed pork chops? Crisco salad with miracle whip dressing?

We keep a jar of miracle whip in the house for some reason. Not sure why, because its nasty, but it's in the fridge nonetheless. I noticed the other day that it says on the label "great as a spread or a dressing". WTF? Does someone put miracle whip on their salads????

For one of my wedding presents' date=' a friend gave me a Dallas Woman's Club Cookbook from 1962 that his wife found in a used bookstore.

It is a miracle that anyone in Dallas lived beyond age 38.

EVERY recipe either called for Crisco or Mayonnaise.[/quote']

Hey.

Come on now.

Many of us in the South grew up with a container of bacon grease drippings in a small container on the stove.

Added bacon flavor to everything.

;)

[China]

There are lots of theme cookbooks. One made fun of in the gallery is the Jello Cookbook from the '30s:

http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/jello/index.html

[China]

Hey.

Come on now.

Many of us in the South grew up with a container of bacon grease drippings in a small container on the stove.

Added bacon flavor to everything.

;)

Some of us still have one.

[HighOnHendrix]

For one of my wedding presents' date=' a friend gave me a Dallas Woman's Club Cookbook from 1962 that his wife found in a used bookstore.

It is a miracle that anyone in Dallas lived beyond age 38.

EVERY recipe either called for Crisco or Mayonnaise.[/quote']

Hey.

Come on now.

Many of us in the South grew up with a container of bacon grease drippings in a small container on the stove.

Added bacon flavor to everything.

;)

I remember a Lewis Black routine where he's talking about an interview with some centenarian about how he lived so long. I'm paraphrasing here, so bear with me:

"So they asked him what he eats. And he says, "A fifth of Johnny Walker and bread fried in fat-back." They asked him, "Why fat-back?" And this is what he said: "Because bacon is too lean."

We are way too obsessed as a society with what we eat. :2cents:

[MurrayH81]

Hey.

Come on now.

Many of us in the South grew up with a container of bacon grease drippings in a small container on the stove.

Added bacon flavor to everything.

;)

You just made BigMike's "moment". /hands BigMike a towel

[Zguy28]

Some of us still have one.

Yep.

Its great when you cook bacon for breakfast, then dump some chopped potatoes and onions in the pan full of fat and cook'em up with some seasoning.

[Dan T.]

One of the more popular cuts: pressed shank braised with smoker's phlegm. It may take a few tries to get Uncle Hank to hack up enough Lucky sauce, so be patient.

:rotflmao:

[Raub]

I found this regrettably-named food in our local grocery store a couple of years ago.

[zoony]

Hey.

Come on now.

Many of us in the South grew up with a container of bacon grease drippings in a small container on the stove.

Added bacon flavor to everything.

;)

My grandmother, the queen of southern cooks, had one.

My mother said it was the same can that sat there when she was a kid. I think everything that made it to the stove top got a dab of lard. Most notably the vegetables.

[PiLfan]

EDIT: err, filter messed that one up.

rhymes with clock, if you're curious.

see if this one works:

[Blondie]

And also, in the country, many farmers and ranchers eat calf fries.

THIS is where I draw the line.

I am country.

I have a Texas accent that makes it difficult for people to understand me sometimes.

But, I can't eat calf fries.

THAT would be a regrettable food.

[China]

Some other regrettable food:

[Koolblue13]

You better not have bumped this after my post in the RTT.

[The Sisko]

Hey.

Come on now.

Many of us in the South grew up with a container of bacon grease drippings in a small container on the stove.

Added bacon flavor to everything.

;)

Some of us still have one.

I'm ashamed of both of you. We southerners have progressed far beyond that. We keep it in the fridge nowadays.

And what the hell are calf fries anyway? :paranoid:

[Destino]

I'm ashamed of both of you. We southerners have progressed far beyond that. We keep it in the fridge nowadays.

And what the hell are calf fries anyway? :paranoid:

Bull calf testicles.

[The Sisko]

Oh. My. GOD, MAGNUM!! Please say you're kidding! :puke:

[SWFLSkins]