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How long can you hold a grudge?


Burgold

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I'm not good at holding a grudge. I tend to forgive or at least forget. I think the longest grudge I've held against someone who has really wronged me has been about six months. Now, don't get me wrong, there are people who have wronged me who I have exorcised from my life that I never want anything to do with again... Non the less, I'm not actively bitter or angry with them anymore. I don't bad mouth them when the opportunity rises.

I was thinking of this in regards to the Schlereth/Jackson thread. How do you hold on to anger and hate for 15 plus years? It seems like a sickness to me.

So, how about you? How what's the longest grudge you've ever held and was it over something huge or something that must have been trivial because you can't even recall the details about what started it?

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Peter came up and said to [Jesus], "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"

Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven."

Sounds right to me. Anger, bitterness, and grudges lead to nothing but sorrow and a hard heart.

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"But beware of the dark side. Anger...fear...aggression. The dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice."

yoda.jpg

Mmmmm?

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I am one of the nicest people around. I treat everyone like a friend. And I give people a lot of leeway.

But if someone does manage to find a way to tick me off I have a real hard time forgiving them. Because it takes a LOT to tick me off.

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I sometimes joke with my wife that my temper is like water while her's is like a mercury thermometer.

Her's shoots up, steam comes out of her ears, and the yelling starts in earnest. Ten to fifteen minutes later she's over it and wondering why anyone would still be upset.

Me, I take a long time to get angry. In physics terms, our tempers have drastically different coeficients of cooling. It takes a lot to move me towards anger, but once there it is almost impossible to get out of my dog house or make me see reason. I see red and unfortunately am not always nice with my sarcasm. My wife and I argue...sometimes a lot. Recently I brought up things she said and things she said she wanted in a fight 6 months ago, her answer made me at least smile on the inside: "You don't remember crap, but this you chose to remember! What the heck (not the word she used) is wrong with you!?" I hold grudges for what seems like forever. I still hate with a passion the turd of a sow that came to live with us for a summer 3 years ago. If she wasn't now a mother in a family that desperately needs a mother, I'd probably still be wishing bad things for her. I figure no longer wishing some body would take a crap in her well and piss on her pillow a step in the right direction. :(

What can I say? Behind a generally happy go lucky exterior, I'm sometimes just a bitter sarcastic old man over some things, and yes I know the bitter part makes me age faster. I feel it every day. :) So I try to stick to thinking of the things that give everybody the impression I'm the happy go lucky, easy to get along with Gbear.

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Sounds right to me. Anger, bitterness, and grudges lead to nothing but sorrow and a hard heart.

They had a great sermon from Alistair Begg on the topic of forgiveness this morning on WAVA. I found the points on forgiveness within a marriage particularly good.

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Forever.

I don't know that it's actually a grudge, because I pretty much put them out of my life and don't have anything to do with them again. It's isn't that I live my life thinking about this person and have a life consumed with hate because of said person/s.

I guess I can justify it because I'm generally a pretty laid back person and will take alot before I really get angry. So I figure if you do something that horrible - like take advantage of me or a situation - that I get that angry, you no longer need to be a part of my life.

That being said, I do have arguments with my husband/family/friends from time to time but it's not anything serious and the anger lasts for just a little bit of time.

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I don't know if this is classified as holding a grudge or just protecting myself and not letting myself get messed with again, but basically if someone screws me over and shows not to have a good heart, I normally just cut them out of my life...I don't need the drama and hassle of having to put up with them. I'm still civil if I run into them, but I'm sure as heck not going to invite them over to my next tea party.

Now as for people who screw my loved ones over and cause them pain, yes, I hold grudges. And yes, I readily admit it's one of my biggest weaknesses that I'm trying to work on. However, not much upsets me more than to see either of my parents (two of the most kind-hearted and well-meaning people ever) get messed with or taken advantage of. Evidently when it comes to my family members, I've appointed myself "protector/grudge-holder extraordinaire" of the family...

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Forever.

I don't know that it's actually a grudge, because I pretty much put them out of my life and don't have anything to do with them again. It's isn't that I live my life thinking about this person and have a life consumed with hate because of said person/s.

I guess I can justify it because I'm generally a pretty laid back person and will take alot before I really get angry. So I figure if you do something that horrible - like take advantage of me or a situation - that I get that angry, you no longer need to be a part of my life.

This sounds about right to me. I don't stay angry at people. But I don't want anything to do with them either.

A few years ago a private school railroaded one of my kids out of their program because he had special needs and they didn't want to deal with him. My wife wanted to fire-bomb the place but I told her that we should simply move on. Their 'punishment' was that we would never be part of that school again. Ever.

Well a few months ago the principal of the school called us up. Apparently the old principal got fired because of the way she handled special needs kids, the school was re-vamping it's special needs program and this new principal wanted to know if there was anything he could do to convince us to return. My wife was interested in talking to them. I was not. And I never will be. And my kids will never go to that school. Ever.

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I wouldn't say I hold grudges, but I certainly can have a hard time trusting again if I have been wronged.

For example, I just got screwed with some new tires I bought that were flat 6 months later; I will never shop at that particular tire dealer again, given that he refused to offer me any compensation at all.

But I don't want him to die or anything. :)

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I am one of the nicest people around. I treat everyone like a friend. And I give people a lot of leeway.

But if someone does manage to find a way to tick me off I have a real hard time forgiving them. Because it takes a LOT to tick me off.

I'm the same way. It takes a lot to get me there, but once I'm there, it's over. I know of one grudge I'm still holding, and it's been for 8 years now.....

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I'm the same way. It takes a lot to get me there, but once I'm there, it's over. I know of one grudge I'm still holding, and it's been for 8 years now.....

Ok dude, I'm sorry I peed in your coffee that one time.

Can't we just let bygones be bygones?

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A girl in college pissed me off so bad I held a grudge against her for 3 years. She would even come out to school to visit (she was also friends with my roommate) and I would completely ignore her. She would say something to me, I would turn to my roommate and say "is someone talking to me?"

Three years of that. And you guys are right--it does make you miserable as well. I found it much easier after her to just throw other people out of my life at the drop of a hat if I felt they wronged me. I was a miserable prick for most of college, it was bad.

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It really depends on what it is.

If it is over something that isn't a life or death matter concerning me...I can get over it pretty easily.

I am sure that I have done things that I hope people won't hold against me.

My family though...GAME ON! That is the one area that is off-limits.

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For me it's all proportional. For a political argument on a message board for example, the grudge is not going to last very long at all.

In real life, if someone demontstrates a pattern of being a POS, I will simply not aquaint myself with that person anymore. The damage done has to be deliberate in nature for me to really care. Accidents don't warrant a grudge in my book. It's the back stabbing that is unforgivable. There are too many good people in this world for me to waste my time with some douchelord. Life is too short.

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My mindset used to be alot different than now, when I was a younger man grudges were a fact of my life, they were there and yet another burden I carried on a daily basis. A few years ago that all changed.....

I ran into a person that I had held a grudge against for nearly 22 years, from 7th grade. Out of the blue he approached me, the 1st time we had spoke since the incident in school. He simply apologized for saying what he had said and admitted that he was just being a silly child. Two days later he was found stabbed to death by his girlfriend. That 30 seconds changed my life forever.

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My mindset used to be alot different than now, when I was a younger man grudges were a fact of my life, they were there and yet another burden I carried on a daily basis. A few years ago that all changed.....

I ran into a person that I had held a grudge against for nearly 22 years, from 7th grade. Out of the blue he approached me, the 1st time we had spoke since the incident in school. He simply apologized for saying what he had said and admitted that he was just being a silly child. Two days later he was found stabbed to death by his girlfriend. That 30 seconds changed my life forever.

That puts things in perspective a bit. Something that happens in 7th grade (at least for me) is a little different than things that happen when you get older and have real issues.

The thing with me is, and call it evil, lol, but if I write someone out of my life for REALLY wronging me or someone I love, I don't wish them ill will. But I can't say it would bother me what happens to them. I know that sounds terrible, but.....

As I said it takes ALOT for it to get to that point so if they are that terrible of a person, why would I care?

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