Hiro Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 For the first time in my short life, I've done something I consider to be terrible and I'm not sure how I should deal with it. Last night I got drunk, really really drunk to the point where I have holes in my memory and I was puking everywhere. At one point during this night, I ended up passing out on my friend's bed, next to this one girl I was talking with earlier in the night. To be blunt, I groped her. I won't say how exactly I did, but I basically put my hand in a place that wasn't meant to go, and she was conscious. Distraught, she ran out of the room as I laid there passed out. I find out about this later that night, and my two friends who had hosted the party had to calm her down and convince her I wasn't a predator or a bad person. The morning after, when my friends and I talked about it calmly, I had found out that there were a few people who caught wind of it, and basically I now have the scarlet letter. I have basically banished myself from going back to any of their parties because while I didn't mean to do it, the fact is I did it and it wouldn't be fair to them for me to show my face again. After thinking on it long and hard, I've come to the conclusion that whenever I've gotten drunk, I get very touchy feeley. I know that I haven't commited rape yet, but the fact that I came damn close scares the hell out of me. And it gets worse. Last year, I commited this same act, while drunk, with the same group of friends. I was so scared of the fact I had done this, I've denied to this day to everyone I know that I was guilty. I saw this girl last night, and she told me how bad she felt for "wrongly accusing me" I felt sick and guilty as hell. I believe she heard what happened last night, and I believe she's put 2 and 2 together. And so let me list how this weekend that was supposed to be awesome went down: - I got sick drunk and made a spectacle of myself. - I groped a girl I didn't even know. - I did the same act last year, and this probably will come to light. - I've put a couple of friends, one of which is one of my best, in a tough spot because he has to try to explain "Oh he's normally a good guy, he's just an ******* when he's drunk". - I've unofficially gotten myself banned from a whole college campus, and gotten a group of very cool and nice people angry at me. I don't go to school with these people so staying away won't be difficult. However, the fact remains that I've done something I consider to be terrible. I still have yet to talk to these girls as the wound is still fresh. When my friend spoke with the one from last night, she was apparently understanding of the fact that I was drunk and not in control. I still have yet to make a full blown confesion to the other, which I plan to do. This doesn't make it okay in my mind. To me, this is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. If I have a daughter and she's hurt like this, I'll have to live with the fact I too had done the same thing. I have a younger sister who I adore, and I love my mother. If anything like this happens to them, I'll have to live with that same fact. I can't get this guilt out of my mind, and I still feel sick to my stomach right now. I've always prided myself on the idea that I'm a good person, that belief has kept me going and kept my spirits up. I'm self-conscious on what people think of me, and what I've done and it's possible consequences cut me like no other. I honestly don't know how I can live with this guys. I've already sworn off getting drunk ever again. If I ever drink, it will be a couple. That's it, I'm done. The idea of me losing control this bad scares me, and this side of me that comes out hurts people. So please I need to know, is there anything I could possibly do to make this ok as possible? Get their BFs to beat me up, let them beat me up, something? And please ... if any of you, man or woman, feel the need to blast me on what I've done, please do so .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
909997 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 what parties ru going to? why arent the girls putting up its a freakin party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 figure out the best way to get in touch with her, apologize profusely like you did here. And don't drink to that point anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedskinsSuperBowl21 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Man as long as you didn't actually force youself on her its ok to make a forward move if she is voluntarily in bed with you. Usually if the girl isn't going for it she will say so or just push away and then you know she is not having it. I can see how unfortunate it is that you encounter a girl that is extreme like that but you should just tell people the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 You have a drinking problem man - time to seriously consider giving up the booze. What you are doing could get your charged and end up with you being on the sex offender registry and thus RUINING YOUR LIFE. This isn't a small consequence. The right thing to do is apologize to the girl you assaulted. The smart thing however may be consulting with a lawyer first becuase in doing so you may be admitting to a crime. Stop drinking IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiro Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 You have a drinking problem man - time to seriously consider giving up the booze. What you are doing could get your charged and end up with you being on the sex offender registry and thus RUINING YOUR LIFE. This isn't a small consequence.The right thing to do is apologize to the girl you assaulted. The smart thing however may be consulting with a lawyer first becuase in doing so you may be admitting to a crime. Stop drinking IMO. I agree that I have a problem. I like to drink though, and believe that I can control it because I now know I have a problem. The girls are both friends with my friends, so I think I'll be ok in the legal area. One already said she won't press charges, the other I have no clue. Doesn't change how I feel about it though ... I don't understand these people who consciously make the decision to take advantage of someone, and to take it further without feeling any remorse ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I agree that I have a problem. I like to drink though, and believe that I can control it because I now know I have a problem. The girls are both friends with my friends, so I think I'll be ok in the legal area. One already said she won't press charges, the other I have no clue.Doesn't change how I feel about it though ... I don't understand these people who consciously make the decision to take advantage of someone, and to take it further without feeling any remorse ... You definitely have a problem if this is your rational dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spjunkies Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 It really sounds like you can't handle drinking, I know I can't that's why I try not to drink too often. Cut back or stop altogether. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slacky McSlackAss Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 You have a drinking problem man - time to seriously consider giving up the booze. What you are doing could get your charged and end up with you being on the sex offender registry and thus RUINING YOUR LIFE. This isn't a small consequence.The right thing to do is apologize to the girl you assaulted. The smart thing however may be consulting with a lawyer first becuase in doing so you may be admitting to a crime. Stop drinking IMO. Agreed. You have a drinking problem dude. You NEED to stop drinking. If you cant, please get help before it gets any worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiro Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 You definitely have a problem if this is your rational dude. Do you mean the last part I said ... or the feeling I can control my drinking? Edit: Regardless, I know I won't be drinking for a while. I don't drink that often, maybe you guys are right. I can't believe this, swearing off of alcohol before I'm even 21. Way to go self .. :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Were you passed out/asleep when you touched these women or were you awake? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Do you mean the last part I said ... or the feeling I can control my drinking?Edit: Regardless, I know I won't be drinking for a while. I don't drink that often, maybe you guys are right. I can't believe this, swearing off of alcohol before I'm even 21. Way to go self .. :doh: Both. Take a look at what you said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiro Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Were you passed out/asleep when you touched these women or were you awake? I think it's a combination of both. I was so gone that I may as well been asleep, but I was awake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiro Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Both.Take a look at what you said. You're right ... I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that. I'm sorry, I'm still tired and ... I have to stop drinking. I understand that. But please understand I do feel remorse for what I've done. I know I don't really know you, but the idea of anyone thinking of me as a sexual predator just kills me ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonkFan8 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 If you've gotten to the point where it's necessary for One already said she won't press charges, the other I have no clue. that to happen, you might want to stop drinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manicd Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I agree. Just stop drinking. You'll feel better. I'm not saying you have a problem (I'm an alcoholic, and quit drinking,) but if you feel this badly, no sense in doing it again. You messed up a bit. No sense in beating yourself up about it. Just look ahead and do your best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaseyJones7 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 this is f'n priceless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I think it's a combination of both. I was so gone that I may as well been asleep, but I was awake. lol, uhhh what? You need to clairify that a little more. If you knew what you were doing while you were doing it then you should contact a lawyer. If you were half asleep, asleep/passed out then there is a known sleep disorder that could describe your behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Here is an article I found on the disorder.... http://www.hon.ch/News/HSN/605126.html Sex While Asleep Not Just Dreamed Up People who engage in 'sleepsex' are unaware of their actions, sleep-disorder experts report By Randy Dotinga HealthDay Reporter FRIDAY, June 1 (HealthDay News) -- After uncovering the secret lives of people who walk, eat and become aggressive while asleep, scientists are now turning to another bedtime phenomenon: "sleepsex." Reports of sexual behavior while asleep have become so common that experts on Friday released a classification system that allows doctors to better document these cases. People who engage in sleepsex "don't remember what they do, and it's their bed partners who tell them. They're mortified, and the partner complains they're being assaulted or molested," said Dr. Carlos Schenck, a sleep researcher who was lead author on the report. "Now they'll realize this is a sleep-related disorder." more... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiro Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 lol, uhhh what? You need to clairify that a little more. If you knew what you were doing while you were doing it then you should contact a lawyer. If you were half asleep, asleep/passed out then there is a known sleep disorder that could describe your behavior. I was really ... really drunk. The article you posted is interesting, but I haven't done anything like this before while just sleeping normally, or at least I haven't been told. But to clarify, I was pretty much half-asleep and completely intoxicated. I didn't know what I was doing, I don't know if I have something like this disorder, but regardless ... Guys, I want to thank you for your quick responses. Please keep them coming. Just know that like I said, I will find get into contact with both with help of my friend, and I've made the decision to stop drinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nighthawk Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 STOP DRINKING! PERIOD. Look, I don't want to seem like an ass, but stop drinking. That's the only solution. Trying to convince yourself that you don't have a problem because you don't drink very often isn't going to solve anything. You obviously aren't able to drink in moderation. You drink, you get drunk. You drink, you get drunk, you get sick. You drink, you get drunk, you pass out. You drink, you get drunk, you grope women. Don't drink, don't get drunk. Don't drink, don't get sick. Don't drink, don't pass out. Don't drink, don't grope women. The fact that you feel terrible is a good sign that you care about what happens when you drink. Believe me, there are others out there that experience the same things when they drink and they could care less. That's not you, so there is hope for you to change your ways. You're 20 and you can't drink. There are far worse things in this world than not drinking. Do you really want to find out what those are or do you want to put an end to it right now before you find yourself one day regretting something more serious than just groping a women? Think about it. Don't ruin your life just so you can have a drink. It's not worth it. I pray that you make the right decision before it's too late. Enjoy the rest of your life without alcohol. It can be done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nighthawk Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 By the way, stop beating yourself up over what happened. Nothing can change that. If you want to apolgize to your friends and the girl then that's fine. If they forgive you then thats great, but if they don't, just move on. The fact that you're sincere is an indication that you don't want this to happen again. So don't let it, but don't beat yourself up about it. What's done is done. You can't change that but you can make sure it doesn't happen again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blitzpackage Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 The fact that there is remorse indicates to me there is hope for you yet. Truthfully, stuff like this happens all of the time to people who drink way too much coupled with the fact you're underage. My guess is that you're a rational person based on how bad you feel, but you can't deny that drinking like that is highly irresponsible. Even though you are 20 and only one year away from legal age, you still have to maintain the notion that you have to be an adult and be responsible when you drink. Don't over do it. But like others have said, don't beat yourself up over it-stuff like this happens 10 times a day on every college campus when alcohol and irresponsibility are mixed. Don't take it personal, but I grew a lot from age 20 to 29 and you'll eventually start telling yourself "I just need to have one or two and a glass of water so I can go home. I don't need to get wasted." We've all made a ton of mistakes at your age and I can bet yours is probably somewhere in the middle of the pack in terms of severity. I think it's far fetched to believe that you'll all of a sudden quit drinking, but you have to limit yourself and be smart about it beforehand so you can get yourself home in these situations. All of that said, it is terrible what happened and I feel sorry for the girl. I've been dating a girl for 6 years now who was victimized in a much worse way when she was 19-20 (while drinking) and I tell you, it stays with them and garners a lot of mistrust toward men and guilt in themselves. It still comes up occasionally 10 years later. Women deserve better than that, and you deserve better than that for yourself. Here's what I'd do and this is just my opinion. You have to contact her through your friends or with a letter or something and explain to her how bad you feel and that you know how wrong it was. Maybe it wouldn't be self serving to tell her it's happened to you before, though she probably already knows through your friends. Once that's done, keep a low profile for a while. It's probably for the best. Your friends won't ever disown you, but they'll respect you more if you just take a self imposed exile from their parties for a while. Coupled with your apology and acknowledgement of guilt and embarrasment, you'll probably find yourself another chance to make things right after a few months and your friends(and hopefully the girl) may respect you more because of it. Make it right next time and think like an adult, you are one. Things will work out man. Good luck, and apologize just like you did here and thank your lucky stars it wasn't any worse and no charges are involved. This may be your last wake-up call from God. (Sorry this was so long) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helter_Skelter Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 STOP DRINKING! PERIOD.Look, I don't want to seem like an ass, but stop drinking. That's the only solution. Trying to convince yourself that you don't have a problem because you don't drink very often isn't going to solve anything. You obviously aren't able to drink in moderation. You drink, you get drunk. You drink, you get drunk, you get sick. You drink, you get drunk, you pass out. You drink, you get drunk, you grope women. Don't drink, don't get drunk. Don't drink, don't get sick. Don't drink, don't pass out. Don't drink, don't grope women. The fact that you feel terrible is a good sign that you care about what happens when you drink. Believe me, there are others out there that experience the same things when they drink and they could care less. That's not you, so there is hope for you to change your ways. You're 20 and you can't drink. There are far worse things in this world than not drinking. Do you really want to find out what those are or do you want to put an end to it right now before you find yourself one day regretting something more serious than just groping a women? Think about it. Don't ruin your life just so you can have a drink. It's not worth it. I pray that you make the right decision before it's too late. Enjoy the rest of your life without alcohol. It can be done. I agree 100%. I made this decision a long time ago from my own experiences. You're gonna take some **** about it, but so what. The important thing is you make this a positive by learning from it and making the necessary changes in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 She should have slapped the **** out of you. That would have snapped you out of it. Anyway, lots of good advice here. Seriously though stop drinking, apologize, and lay low. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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