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Favorite Jack Nicholson Quotes/Scenes


Big Weirdo

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One of my personal favorites is from The Witches of Eastwick where he goes on a rampage in the church about women. Classic.

"Ungrateful little ****es aren't they? Can I ask you something? You're all church going folk I really wanna ask you something. Do you think God knew what he was doing when he created a woman? Huh? No ****. I really wanna know. Or do you think it was just another one of his minor mistakes like tidal waves, earthquakes, FLOODS!!! You think women are like that? Whats the matter? You don't think God makes mistakes? Of course he does. We all make mistakes. Of course when we make mistakes they call it evil. When God makes mistakes they call it nature. So what do you think? Women: A mistake? Or did He do it to us on PURPOSE!!!? BECAUSE I REALLY WANNA KNOW!!! BECAUSE IF IT'S A MISTAKE MAYBE WE CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! FIND A CURE!! And then a vaccine. Build up our immune systems. Get a little exercise. You know.. 20 push ups a day and you NEVER have to be afflicted with women EVER AGAIN!!!"

Here's the scene in YouTube form: http://youtube.com/watch?v=bhiz63BbWtY

:laugh:

Post some of your favorites here.

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A Few Good Men:

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

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5 Easy Pieces:

Bobby(Jack): I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.

Waitress: A number two, chicken salad sandwich, hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?

Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

Bobby: I want you to hold it between your knees.

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I believe this is the line from As Good As It Gets:

"Where did you learn to to talk like that, at some Panama Guantanamo bar. talk crazy somewhere else we're all stocked up here."

And come on you gotta have the infamous The Shining scene/quote:

"Here's Johnny!!"

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From the Departed:

"When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?"

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I believe this is the line from As Good As It Gets:

"Where did you learn to to talk like that, at some Panama Guantanamo bar. talk crazy somewhere else we're all stocked up here."

And come on you gotta have the infamous The Shining scene/quote:

"Here's Johnny!!"

Where did you learn to talk like that, some mexican wanna hump hump bar or is it your last day and you've been taking a nip at the free bar. Go sell crazy some where else sister, we're all stocked up here sister.(I thin is the quote).
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From Batman:

“Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.”

From As Good As It Gets:

"How do you write women so well?" (Secretary). "I think of a man, and then I take away reason and accountability."

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Also, here's a great website with a ton of quotes from him. Some were in interviews with the media.

http://thinkexist.com/quotes/jack_nicholson/

Some examples:

“People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.”

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****”

"There's only two people in your life you should lie to...the police and your girlfriend.”

“With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.”

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As much as it's a chick flick, As Good As It gets has some real classics in it. The line others were debating is as follows:

"Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."

And some other classics from that film:

"No need to stop being a lady. Quit worryin! You'll be back on your knees in no time!"

"I've got Jews at my table!"

"Assault and Battery - and you're black!"

"Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?"

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A Few Good Men:

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Ditto right here!! :cool:

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"Wendy, darling. Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash 'em right the **** in. Ha, ha."

I <3 The Shining

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxTfw8QgLIQ

Great scene. I also love the scene in the bar when you can just see his brain snapping into bits and pieces as his eys dart back and forth while talking to the bartender that isn't there. I think it's his best acting job.

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One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest:

"Get outta my way, son, you're usin my oxygen."

From Chinatown, the best movie ever, as Jake Gittes:

[an anonymous caller has telephoned Gittes]

Ida Sessions: Are you alone?

Jake Gittes: Isn't everybody?

Gittes: OK, go home, but in case you're interested, your husband was murdered. Somebody's been dumping thousands of tons of water from the city's reservoirs and we're supposed to be in the middle of a drought. He found out about it and he was killed. There's a waterlogged drunk in the morgue, involuntary manslaughter if anybody wants to take the trouble - which they don't. It seems like half the city is trying to cover it all up, which is fine by me. But Mrs. Mulwray, I goddamned near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it. And I still think that you're hiding something.

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