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G/F Breakup


kubstix

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So I understand I'm only 21 years old and have alot of life ahead of me, but I think i'm falling into a state of depression. I dated this girl for 3 years and it just recently ended because of bad judgement on her part. We did the whole try and get back together thing but when you have such high trust for someone and get backstabbed, the trust isn't there anymore. I accepted the fact that it won't work again. However, now it's killing me. I find myself thinking about her everywhere I go. I cannot get her out of my mind, I cut off all communication with her and I keep wondering what she is doing 24/7. I'm a 21 year old network/windows administrator for a large high school and she is just a college student. She grew up with a very hard life style and a father who didn't support her so I took her under my wing. I've taken her to disney a few times, and pretty much all the Redskins games so you can say I was attached by the hip to this girl. Now all of a sudden she's gone and I don't know what to do with myself. It has been almost 2 months and I see no change whatsoever in my feelings and emotions. I just need some guidance and reassurance on what to do. I find myself being alone all the time and never wanting to do anything. I've had opportunities with other women, but I shut it down because I don't think im ready to let go. However, I don't want to hear anything about drinking because I find that this doesn't work at all. It's a temporary solution, and I find that when im tanked I seem to think about her more. I only posted here because I value alot of people's opinions here. I don't feel embarassed about posting this either because I look at ES as a family as well. Someone guide me.

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Dude, I've had a breakup recently also. Even if you are the person ending things, it still sucks.

Nothing said right now will make you feel better. Just know it happens a million times everyday.

Try some stuff to distract you. Go to the gym, workout until your really tired. Set some short term goals. Just focus on the things you like right now.

goodluck.

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Go out and actually do something

Pick up a new hobby, go to the gym, read more books

Just anything to make you realize that you are fine as your own, and you do not NEED her or any other woman

It sucks, it takes time, but really, go get some new hobbies, do things you wanted to do but didn't because you were with her

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Go out and actually do something

Pick up a new hobby, go to the gym, read more books

Just anything to make you realize that you are fine as your own, and you do not NEED her or any other woman

It sucks, it takes time, but really, go get some new hobbies, do things you wanted to do but didn't because you were with her

Good advice.

Stay busy.

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Yeah, unfortunately it's normal. You grieve the loss of a relationship and that's just the way it is. It takes some time for the grief to pass, but it will. Distract yourself a little, yack about it a little, and key her car a little (okay, don't do that)

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I really feel for you, Kub. It sounds like you were really good to this gal. Unfortunately, and now more than 20 years ago, young couples are less and less likely to stay together. This world is just bigger and busier than it used to be and young folks move on a little quicker. If you haven't heard from her at all, it sounds like she's moved on. I know it's tough but it's been a couple months and you have to find a way to keep her out of your head. Get out and do things. It WILL get better and you WILL find new love. You just have to let time heal the scars.

Good luck to you and keep coming here if it helps.

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Give it time. It will get better.

It may sound like a whitewash answer, but it's the truth. One day not too long from now you'll wake up with a different outlook. You'll have learned, and you'll have one more experience you can fall back on when you need it.

It does get better. Trust me on that one.

~Bang

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Hmm... no drinking eh..... What about a strip club? Naked ladies always get my mind off any other lady I may be thinking of...

But seriously, I broke up with a g/f of 1.5 years about 6 months ago... (she had a boyfriend about 2 weeks later, but whatever)

SURROUND yourself with friends, actually... Go out and make new friends, it's better to find people who don't know you as "Single Kubstix" but know you just at "Kubstix" because they're not going to be the ones that say "Are you upset?" or "You're better than her", they're only going to know you from the present and future, not the past.

It gets easier each day, trust me, it hurts a lot in the beginning, and you don't realize it getting easier, but it is...

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Thanks for all the replies guys, I just want to here everyone's opinions. As far as discussing the bad judgement part. She had a best friend (guy) for 7 years. About 3 months ago he told her he had feelings for her. So she basically started to put his feelings in front of mine. I was no longer her #1 and just like anyone else.....that was the queue to get out. So we stopped talking for along time and she came back because she realized he was psychotic and realized what she had. Everything was fine again until i started catching her in lies. Then what do you know, she starts hanging out with this kid again everyday but still claimed he is just a friend. Now I cut off all communication and here I am.

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I know how you feel dude, I've been there. Things will get better.

Chances are this has nothing to do with you as a person and everything to do with her inexperience.

The best thing to do is to stay active, work out, meet new people, spend time with your friends and basically get your mind onto more important things-like your career and you own personal goals.

Remember, good things happen to good people. Someday you will look back on this as a learning experience.

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Get a gym membership, take up mountain biking or something. Spend more time with your friends. Go out more. Meet someone else. It sounds easy but little by little it will come together, and your current situation will become just another life lesson.

You gotta become comfortable standing on your OWN two feet first, nahmean?

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Thanks for all the replies guys, I just want to here everyone's opinions. As far as discussing the bad judgement part. She had a best friend (guy) for 7 years. About 3 months ago he told her he had feelings for her. So she basically started to put his feelings in front of mine. I was no longer her #1 and just like anyone else.....that was the queue to get out. So we stopped talking for along time and she came back because she realized he was psychotic and realized what she had. Everything was fine again until i started catching her in lies. Then what do you know, she starts hanging out with this kid again everyday but still claimed he is just a friend. Now I cut off all communication and here I am.

Trust is extremely important IMO. Lies are a symptom. Sounds to me like you deserve a gal that will treat you with respect.

If you start this relationship back up, you will be needlessly dragging yourself throught the mud. The damage is done. You might forgive but you will never forget.

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So I understand I'm only 21 years old and have alot of life ahead of me, but I think i'm falling into a state of depression...

I'm probably pretty qualified to answer this, so here goes. I dated a girl for 2+ years in high school early college. Now...you think your situation is bad right now, try this on for size. I was a year ahead of her in high school, and was in Community College for a year while she was a senior. We broke up about a week before senior "beach week." The problem? I had already committed a large amount of money to going, and the deposits, etc. were non refundable. So a week after a 2+ year relationship ended, I'm at the beach with her and her friends for a week. AWK!! WARD!! I got along with some of her alright, but it was still weird. We both went off to college and didn't speak, then got back together around Christmas, and I ended it for good that next summer.

My point is, it probably really hurts now, but it's definitely for the best in the long run. In the meantime, take some time for yourself, but I think if you follow what I'm about to tell you, you'll be alright in a little while.

1. Immediately rent or purchase the movie "Swingers." You will be shocked at how much you identify with the situations in that movie. Pay attention to Vince Vaughn's character. If you have a friend like him, hang out with that friend immediately. All men should have a friend like Double Down Trent in their lives.

2. Don't get into a relationship with a girl where it feels like father/daughter rather than boyfriend/girlfriend. You didn't say that explicitly, but when you use phrases like "took her under my wing" that's what it means. This is unhealthy, and it opens you up to the possibility of being used. I did that myself with a girl in college. It was a short relationship which went nowhere, though it did pay off years later when we were both out all night drinking, and she wasn't the type to use anyone. But the threat of it is there.

3. You work at a high school. Surely there are some nubile seniors around who appreciate a man with a job and disposable income? You have more to offer than any of the moron kids they're in class with. If you have no real regard for things like "law" or "decency" the freshman girls probably look good too.

*Note, I am kidding, please do not call the police. Bet you're smiling now though.:D

4. Work out. Someone already said it. It's cliche, it's annoying, but it's fact. If you work out and look better, you're bound to attract more attention. I was able to work out every day in college, I was even employed by the damn gym. There is a noticeable difference in the attitude most women will show to you. Besides which, you don't have to spend time on the phone with this girl anymore, and you probably don't have too much outside responsibility at 21, so you can go as often as you want.

5. The last sentence of part 4 deserves it's own number. There is something to be said for having a little freedom. It may suck now, but it can be a breath of fresh air, especially after 3 years. Do a few things you want to do (gym, etc.) before entering into another serious relationship, you'll thank yourself later. You're 21, the average age of marrying, at least in the D.C. area, is 28 or 29. You've got plenty of time to find someone else, so don't worry about it. The more you worry, the harder it is, and you never know when it's going to happen. I met my wife at a sorority party in college, I had just planned to go out with some girls I knew to have fun and laugh. I wound up meeting her and we talked all night, and then for the next four years. You just never know, so don't push yourself.

Just remember baby, you're money.:cheers:

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"Oh BABY YOOUUU, You got what I Neeeeed, but you say he's just a friend..."

Sorry kubstix, I just saw your response to my question.

I am really confused about why you would want this girl back.

You can't trust her and she doesn't respect you or your feelings. Screw that move on bigger and better.

If you settle for a girls like that you will be miserable your entire life. There needs to be a balance and understanding between two people for any relationship to work, obviously this one did not have that. And not to be a jerk, but you were stupid for taking her back to begin.

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