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Prime examples of Testosterone in film...

Spaceman Spiff

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In response to brikem05's thread about the gayer movie, I thought this might be appropriate.

I got this article in my email today, fittingly enough. Figured it'd spark good discussion here. Feel free to add your own.

This article won't improve your power clean. It won't get you to single digit bodyfat and it won't help your tight hip flexors. What it will do is remind you of a few kickass movie clips that are sure to get you amped up for your next workout.

Before we check them out, one quick word. Consider this your only "spoiler warning." These are classic flicks that you should've seen twice by now. If you're worried that you missed one, get out and rent it pronto.

Top 5 Movie Lines

#5 Rocky Balboa

"Let's start building some hurtin' bombs." — Duke.

We're all gonna get old, hopefully. But no matter how well we take care of our bodies, no matter how much "pre-hab" or joint mobility we do, there's something to be said for simply getting strong as all hell... especially if some young punk thinks he can go toe-to-toe with you.

T-fact: Tony Burton, who plays Duke the trainer, was an actual two-time Golden Gloves boxing champ with a 16-3 pro record.

#4 True Romance

"'Cuz you... you're part... eggplant." — Clifford Whorley.

This entire scene is a ten-minute sparring match with two of the most engaging actors (Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken) in all of film. It's also a great example of good T-Man vs. evil T-Man (but if that isn't an oxymoron, I'm not sure what is).

As soon as Hopper asks for a Chesterfield, everyone knows he's not getting out of that room breathing. But that doesn't stop him from delivering an amazing monologue that leaves Walken with a lingering F-you. If he's going down, he's going down swinging, if only verbally.

#3 Tombstone

"You gonna do something or just stand there and bleed?" — Wyatt Earp.

Following three pimp slaps that left a chubby Billy Bob Thornton with a bloody lip, Kurt Russell plays this line with an unshaking confidence common in the Wild West, but generally uncommon in modern day. Seems like all bullies are tough guys until they meet a genuine tough guy face to face. Funny how that works, huh?

#2 They Live

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all outta bubblegum." — John Nada.

One classic line, slightly overused by drunk frat boys looking for bar fights, is the first reason we need to watch They Live. The second reason is Rowdy Roddy Piper's truly "remarkable" acting in one of his first film roles.

The third reason this film is a pure classic is one of the most drawn out scenes of two guys in an alley fighting over a stupid pair of sunglasses, ever.

#1 300

"Persians... come and get them!" — King Leonidas.

What do you do when the enemy tells you to lay down your weapons? You throw a spear through him and shout back Ancient Greece's equivalent of "Over my dead body!"

Molon labe, the original phrase, is still used as a motto for certain divisions of today's Greek and U.S. Armed Forces. Plus, it's inscribed on the monument currently standing at Thermopylae.

It's pronounced moe-lone lah-vehh, so now you can sound even more bad-ass taunting high school kids on Xbox Live.

Top 5 Fight Scenes

#5 Enough

T-Vixen's, this first one's for you. Yes, I know it's a J-Lo movie. And yes, I know the plot has more holes than that low-fat Swiss cheese on your zero-carb wrap. And yes... I know it's a J-Lo movie. But bear with me for a sec.

Guys shouldn't hit girls. That's simple enough, but unfortunately, it needs to be said. The last fight scene here, when J-Lo (whose character is known only as "Slim" for a baffling reason we never find out) confronts and kills her abusive sleezeball of an ex is the movie's way of showing that T-Vixen's don't take crap.

Granted, in all reality Slim would still be looking at some type of premeditated murder rap, but let's not get into that now. It's a wicked fight scene with a roundabout message. This ends your T-Nation public service announcement.

#4 DOA: Dead or Alive

A movie based on a video game? That can only go two directions. You either get Resident Evil or you get Double Dragon. You can't expect much in the way of storyline, but DOAdoes win us over with attention-getters like Devon Aoki, Holly Valance, plenty of bikinis, and...

Jaime Pressly


And a bit of completely non-gratuitous beach volleyball to even things out.

#3 The Godfather

Two core values of a T-Man are a love of family and a respect for women. So when your loud-mouth brother-in-law slaps around your kid sister, the only thing to do is give the bum a good old-fashioned pummeling complete with punches, kicks, knees, leg pulling, shoe throwing, knuckle biting, and the absolutely necessary, wouldn't-be-the-same-without-it garbage can to the head.

But learn a lesson from Sonny. You never know when that short temper is going to get you plugged at a tollbooth, so try to keep it in check most of the time.

#2 Rocky

It's the Stallion's first shot at the champ, and man, does he lay it all on the line. Full throttle, leaving nothing in the tank, he gives Creed everything he's got. And even though he's getting as good as he's giving, didn't we want to be in there with him? And he still ends up with the girl. Ain't that sweet?

#1 The 13th Warrior

Say it with me if you know it:

Lo, there do I see my father. Lo, there do I see my mother and my sisters and my brothers. Lo, there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning. Lo, they do call to me. They bid me take my place among them, in the halls of Valhalla where the brave may live forever.

Top 5 T-Man Moments

#5 The Untouchables

Frank Nitti takes a leap.

Elliot Ness tried to do the right thing and play by the book, sticking to his core values even at the cost of revenge. Rather than take the easy way out and shoot Nitti while he's dangling helplessly from a rope, Ness actually helps him back onto the roof to arrest him, legit.

But that ****y, white-suited **** just had to make one smartass remark too many, so it was only fair to send him off the roof and "in the car." For the record, you and I both know Malone did not sound anything like that.

#4 300

Gorgo's revenge.

"This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this. I am not your queen." — Queen Gorgo.

It just makes sense that Leonidas would have a T-Vixen of his own. Queen Gorgo is smokin' hot, she speaks her mind, and she takes care of herself. When a punk trash-talks her to the council after he blackmailed her into some hanky-panky against her will, she does what any T-Vixen would do. She grabs the nearest blade and skewers the creep.

#3 Big Trouble in Little China

Jack Burton kills Lo Pan.

Jack Burton is damn-near the quintessential everyday T-Man, even if he's a bit inept and in need of some gym time. He's dedicated to his friends, paves his own way, and he ain't afraid to let you know what's on his mind. And the guy can dish out more one-liners than a Bruce Campbell marathon.

When it comes down to Jack versus the head honcho Lo Pan, who is it that finally puts that ten-foot tall roadblock down for the count? Jack Burton. That's who. And how does he do it? Come on, pal. It's all in the reflexes.

#2 Conan the Barbarian

The Wheel of Pain.

Who here can say that when they saw this scene for the first time, they didn't ask their folks for a wheel of pain in the backyard? Really. What do we get from the clip? We have the whole "boy becomes man" metaphor, the "what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger" metaphor, and we have proof that car pushing, or any low-tech equivalent, really does build a strong physique.

#1 Braveheart


Talk about famous last words? Whoa. Sticking to his guns while his guts are being none-too-gently removed is seriously hardcore. The look on the dying King's face, as he realizes that there is literally nothing more he can do to Wallace, and that he's lost, is priceless. The anguish Wallace's friends show from the crowd is heart-wrenching.

I can only hope to be the kind of guy who, when I'm being slowly tortured, has my friends stand by and watch without so much as attempting some kind of grand escape. Yeah, thanks guys. Like you never saw Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves? Come on.

Least T-Manly Movie Moment in the 100-Year History of Motion Pictures

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Borat wrestles Azamat.

There's not much to write about this clip, except that I'd like to have seen the reaction from Ken Davitian (the co-star) when he heard about the script. "Okay Ken, now in this scene, we're gonna get nekkid and wrassle around on the bed. Alright? Oh yeah, and even though you've been in 40 movies, this is the only clip they'll talk about at your eulogy. Excellent. Now... action!"

That's it. Upset I didn't include Optimus Prime versus Megatron? Think you've got the ultimate John Wayne line? Let's hear it.

http://www.t-nation.com/readArticle.do?id=1816783 (link might be NSFW)

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Pacino and Dinero in the diner.

Once Upon a Time In The West


Opening sequence. Three men (led by Eli Wallach) in tan dusters wait for a train to arrive. After it departs, they confront "Harmonica" (Charles Bronson).

Bronson: Frank?

Wallach: Frank sent us.

Bronson: Did you bring a horse for me?

Wallach (looks over to the hitching rail, where three horses wait): Looks like (spits) Looks like we're shy one horse.

Bronson (shakes head): You brought two too many.


Or the final gunfight.

Frank (Henry Fonda. As the villain): It wouldn't bother those other men, knowing you were out there, somewhere. But I had to come. Cause I know you'll finally tell me who you are.

Harmonica: Only at the point of dying.

Frank: I know.

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The climax to LOTR: the Two Towers. When they ride out of the castle.

Theoden: So much death. What can men do against such reckless hate?

Aragorn: Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them.

Theoden: For death and glory.

Aragorn: For Rohan. For your people.

Theoden: The Horn of Helm Hammerhand will sound in the deep, one last time! Fell deeds awake... Now for Wrath... Now for Ruin... and the Red Dawn...

[horn blows]

Theoden: Forth, Eorlingas!

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Nice choice making "The 13th Warrior" number one. It's one of my all-time faves and IMHO a very underrated movie. More testosterone in that flick than in all the others combined. Those Vikings were some bad dudes.

Love the "Big Trouble in Little China" reference. Also on my list of faves.

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Nice choice making "The 13th Warrior" number one. It's one of my all-time faves and IMHO a very underrated movie. More testosterone in that flick than in all the others combined. Those Vikings were some bad dudes.

Love the "Big Trouble in Little China" reference. Also on my list of faves.

I didn't write the article :)

I haven't seen it though, I need to check it out.

Big Trouble in Little China is awesome, too...I've got it on DVD and pull it out every so often. Seeing him catch the knife and then throwing it back in Lo Pan's head gets me fired up every time!

I also have to place Rambo on the list somewhere.

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The "20th Maine" is holding a hill position on Little Round Top during the second day of the battle of Gettysburg.

They have been fighting for hours

They are outnumbered, out of amunition and are just about to be assualted by the Rebels again.....

Lieutenant Colonel Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain orders "Fix Bayonets" and CHARGES the REBEL position!



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