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Does your wife make more than you??

Cassow

By Cassow
in The Tailgate

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Capt Rich Fla

Capt Rich Fla

Posted
Posted
Can you elaborate?
Sorry man. Your days there are numbered. Put away as much as you can. start living life to the fullest. That way you can pull out that "the way I'm acustomed to living" card. Two things that can't happen in this world. She can't make more than you. She won't respect you. You can't buy your wife new boobs after 3 years of marriage. All of a sudden she has all this new self confidence. Remember, you were there when she was felling S***y about herself, therefore you were part of the problem. =see ya!

Feel Better?! I WAS JUST BULL ****in'

something to think about though, they say men are shallow. How many men jump into a nasty lookin chicks car and do her just because she's in a nice car? Think about it.:laugh:

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Forehead

Forehead

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Why don't you take that extra cash and buy a luxury box for ES? By the time you've paid for that, you'll both be contributing $0 equally to retirement. And the rest of us will get to watch the games in air conditioning with waitresses bringing us food. Sounds like a win all around to me.

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Mass_SkinsFan

Mass_SkinsFan

Posted
Posted
(sighs)...Why do you care ?

Be your own man and women will respect that.

You are married and supposedly make a great living.

So your wife makes more...does that change the situation you are in ?

More money for you now, means more for later.

You are a TEAM at this point. As long as you have a good relationship, it does not matter at all.

For some of us it would be a matter of a philosophical issue. So far as I'm concerned it's the Man's place to be the primary (if not sole) bread-winner in the family. If I were to be in a relationship with a woman who made more (especially that much more) I'd be wondering if I could maintain the financial lifestyle of the family if something were to happen to her that she could no longer bring in that level of income.

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Kosher Ham

Kosher Ham

Posted
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For some of us it would be a matter of a philosophical issue. So far as I'm concerned it's the Man's place to be the primary (if not sole) bread-winner in the family. If I were to be in a relationship with a woman who made more (especially that much more) I'd be wondering if I could maintain the financial lifestyle of the family if something were to happen to her that she could no longer bring in that level of income.

Well what type of burden do you put your wife and family in if you as the sole bread-winner suddenly loses your job ? Say you are married and your wife hasn't worked in 10 years ?

As I said, once married you are a team. Money would/has never be/been an issue in any relationship that I would ever consider.

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Mass_SkinsFan

Mass_SkinsFan

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Well what type of burden do you put your wife and family in if you as the sole bread-winner suddenly loses your job ? Say you are married and your wife hasn't worked in 10 years?

That's where your savings, insurance, and extended family (parents, etc...) come in. At least that's the way I've always looked at it and felt about it. I understand that doesn't fall nicely in line with the "modern" family, but that's the way I've always dealt with it. Now note that I never said that the dual-income family was never acceptable. If there are no children involved, I have no issue with her working; so long as her income doesn't become the primary family income.

As I said, once married you are a team. Money would/has never be/been an issue in any relationship that I would ever consider.

Yes, a married couple is a team. However one has to remember that every team can only have one person who is ultimately in charge. Money/jobs HAVE been a consideration in a couple relationships I've been involved in and I'll tell you that it wasn't pretty.

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Mass_SkinsFan

Mass_SkinsFan

Posted
Posted
Says the ultimate team player ...

I don't believe I've ever come anywhere near claiming that I was even a decent "team player", never mind the Ultimate one. However, any group, team, etc... needs to have one person at the top of the foodchain to make the FINAL decision when necessary. Obviously most of the time they may take input from the other members of the team, but there has to always be one person who has the ultimate responsibility for making the decisions at the end of the day. If you don't, then things tend to get bogged down in the attempt to build a concensus opinion rather than being able to move forward after the decision has been made.

In an inter-personal relationship like a marriage, it works the same way so far as I am concerned. I believe my views on which member of the relationship it should be, and why, are well known here at ES so I won't waste all of our time going over it again.

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Kosher Ham

Kosher Ham

Posted
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That's where your savings, insurance, and extended family (parents, etc...) come in. At least that's the way I've always looked at it and felt about it. I understand that doesn't fall nicely in line with the "modern" family, but that's the way I've always dealt with it. Now note that I never said that the dual-income family was never acceptable. If there are no children involved, I have no issue with her working; so long as her income doesn't become the primary family income.

Therefore if your wife had helped "the team" accrue the savings, investments, and such, why should it be lessened by the fact she was the primary factor regarding income ? I can buy a life insurance policy for anyone, I don't even have to know them. As a team the burden for raising a child doesn't fall solely on the wife, or you. It is a combined effort (or should be as far as I am concerned).

Yes, a married couple is a team. However one has to remember that every team can only have one person who is ultimately in charge. Money/jobs HAVE been a consideration in a couple relationships I've been involved in and I'll tell you that it wasn't pretty.

So you feel even within a marital relationship money=power ? I disagree. There are plenty of men who work their butts off to provide for their wives. Yet she either wears the pants or can easily take half. Personally women with that mindset are not my taste, but stuff happens, and things change.

In my experience most women want a man. A man that can and will do whatever it takes to provide for her and your family, however they also want a man who can be their equal.

I shouldn't have to provide for a woman. I have done so, and I would but, I don't want a woman that can't do so for herself. Never have never will.

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Mass_SkinsFan

Mass_SkinsFan

Posted
Posted
Therefore if your wife had helped "the team" accrue the savings, investments, and such, why should it be lessened by the fact she was the primary factor regarding income ? I can buy a life insurance policy for anyone, I don't even have to know them. As a team the burden for raising a child doesn't fall solely on the wife, or you. It is a combined effort (or should be as far as I am concerned)......

.....I shouldn't have to provide for a woman. I have done so, and I would but, I don't want a woman that can't do so for herself. Never have never will.

It's a matter of philosophical differences, Kosher. I have very specific concepts and beliefs/views about how a family and a relationship (both pre-marital and marital) should operate. I've discused them before around here. Obviously you hold different views/philosophies, which is fine. We can agree to disagree and not take this thread any further down this tangent than it's already gone.

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Maximus71

Maximus71

Posted
Posted
I found out the other day that my wife will soon be making more than I do.

Ahem, a lot more (oh say..4 times more).

We have been pretty even in the salary department up until now, and I have a great job (big 4), but there is no way I can come close to what she's making. Part of me was excited to hear the news. It will totally change our lives...bigger house, nicer cars, nicer vacations...who wouldn't want that? However, another part of me wonders if I will feel diminished, or less of a man, knowing that my wife is making so much more than I am.

Does anyone have experience with this, or advice on how to swallow my pride?

Not married but have a girl friend, she doenst make more than me, but she sure spends a hell of lot more than me.

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Chachie

Chachie

Posted
Posted

Cassow-

I'm not married, but an important question to ask here might be this-

Did you help pay for her education that got her into this job? If so, you can take great comfort in knowing you helped set the two of you up for this big promotion. I'm sure she would also have a greater appreciation for your assistance.

Also- being single and semi-poor, I can give you come advice from the other side of life. Enjoy the heck out of this and if she leaves, ignore your male instinct to be independent. Take HALF!

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Cassow

Cassow

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Cassow-

I'm not married, but an important question to ask here might be this-

Did you help pay for her education that got her into this job? If so, you can take great comfort in knowing you helped set the two of you up for this big promotion. I'm sure she would also have a greater appreciation for your assistance.

Also- being single and semi-poor, I can give you come advice from the other side of life. Enjoy the heck out of this and if she leaves, ignore your male instinct to be independent. Take HALF!

The hospital she works at is paying for her to go back to school:).

I will enjoy it. I am VERY proud of her, she has worked hard to get to this point and deserves it. I think Art brought up a good point about how where we live, etc. will be based upon her job and not mine. Up until this point I figured that her being a nurse (very liquid), things would be just the opposite. That might be the toughest pill to swallow.

Right now I am more excited about our future and what this will afford us. I don't feel any different now, but I was concerned that in the future I might feel "less important" or whatever the term is. It looks like most of the people on here seem to have no problem with their significant other making more than them--so I hope that I don't as well.

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Cassow

Cassow

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Not married but have a girl friend, she doenst make more than me, but she sure spends a hell of lot more than me.

This is one of the great things about my wife. She is a serious savvy shopper. She clips coupons and always finds great deals.

On the other hand, I have never clipped a coupon in my life:doh:

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The Sisko

The Sisko

Posted
Posted

I promised myself I wouldn't do this but I just can't help it.

OK Mass_SkinsFan, a few comments/questions. First, you realize that the insurance companies do sell life/disability insurance to women too? Therefore, if the primary breadwinner (male or female) dies or is incapacitated the family can still hum along financially without much disruption. If they've changed the law on that, let me know.

Secondly, who says that the man is always the best qualified to take the leadership role in a family? My wife is just as capable as I am of leading our family. I wouldn't have married her otherwise. If we're fortunate enough to have kids and I happen to buy it early, I want someone equally as capable as I am to raise our kid(s).

I'd also beg to differ on the whole consensus thing. Mrs. 06 and I confer on things all the time and it works well...as long as I change my toon and take her view.:laugh: Seriously, it just doesn't take all that long to discuss things, come to a decision and move on.

Now in this process, occasionally we can't come to an agreement and one of us just has to live with whatever decision is made. That's a normal part of married life. Using our model, it ends up being more or less 50/50 as to who has to give in, since it's usually based on who loses less, the greatest good etc...i.e. something that's common sense based and/or somewhat objective.

However, in your case the man would always have the final say and most likely it would be the woman who always had to live with a decision she didn't agree with. So, to get to the crux of the matter, why is it better that the "decider" is always the man? Does having a sack make you in some way smarter? A better decision maker? Please, do tell.

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twa

twa

Posted
Posted
Does having a sack make you in some way smarter? A better decision maker? Please, do tell.

:laugh: Not Mass,but I do believe the man is the head of the household,with woman being the neck(giving direction and support,and slamming the head into a door if needed)

Men do think differently...I will leave it to others to decide whether if one is "better". ;) (personally I would think it depends on the individuals)

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Mass_SkinsFan

Mass_SkinsFan

Posted
Posted
OK Mass_SkinsFan, a few comments/questions. First, you realize that the insurance companies do sell life/disability insurance to women too? Therefore, if the primary breadwinner (male or female) dies or is incapacitated the family can still hum along financially without much disruption. If they've changed the law on that, let me know.

Secondly, who says that the man is always the best qualified to take the leadership role in a family? My wife is just as capable as I am of leading our family. I wouldn't have married her otherwise. If we're fortunate enough to have kids and I happen to buy it early, I want someone equally as capable as I am to raise our kid(s).

I'd also beg to differ on the whole consensus thing. Mrs. 06 and I confer on things all the time and it works well...as long as I change my toon and take her view.:laugh: Seriously, it just doesn't take all that long to discuss things, come to a decision and move on.

Now in this process, occasionally we can't come to an agreement and one of us just has to live with whatever decision is made. That's a normal part of married life. Using our model, it ends up being more or less 50/50 as to who has to give in, since it's usually based on who loses less, the greatest good etc...i.e. something that's common sense based and/or somewhat objective.

However, in your case the man would always have the final say and most likely it would be the woman who always had to live with a decision she didn't agree with. So, to get to the crux of the matter, why is it better that the "decider" is always the man? Does having a sack make you in some way smarter? A better decision maker? Please, do tell.

Considering both your hesitance in posting the response and my lack of desire to completely derail another thread today, let's leave it at this.....

The philosophy of life, family, and the appropriate ways of the world as it was taught to me places the Male member(s) of the family in a position of leadership and responsibility to support the family financially. I understand that's an old fashioned viewpoint, but it is the one I subscribe to.

If something else works for you and your family.... GREAT. Go with it. Enjoy it. I wish you the best of luck and success in that endeavour. For some of us, however, that's not the way we look at things. It all comes down to this... Different philosophies and ways of life for different people.

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The Sisko

The Sisko

Posted
Posted
The philosophy of life, family, and the appropriate ways of the world as it was taught to me places the Male member(s) of the family in a position of leadership and responsibility to support the family financially. I understand that's an old fashioned viewpoint, but it is the one I subscribe to.

Honestly, I don't have a problem with that-whatever turns your crank. What I was really getting at though was to see if you could explain the reasoning behind it. That's all.

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wshngtn1

wshngtn1

Posted
Posted

My wife is about to pass me up and it doesn't really bother me. What's mine is hers, what's hers is mine..yada yada. But if she was making 4 times what I make...man, that has Mr. Mom written all over it. I'd quit my job and raise my little girl...work on the house...lay on the couch...:)

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